Eurovision rewatch 4 April (20:00 BST): Moscow 2009

I present my GENUINE EVIDENCE that Be My Valentine! is one of the greatest things to EVER hit the Eurovision stage.

EXHIBIT A: SWEATY SVETTY HERSELF

EXHIBIT B: LYRICS

You are so sexy – bom
Gon' make me crazy – bom
We're gonna do the bom bom
Ain't that amazing – bom

ALREADY, just one verse in and Svetlana has REINVENTED BASIC ASSUMPTIONS over the nature of song in modern day Western culture, rhyming bom with bom not just ONCE but THREE TIMES before creating a new euphemism for GETTING BUMMED

I'm very busy – bom
It's not so easy – bom
I'm gonna tease you – bom bom
Without a reason – bom


And ONE VERSE later she's already decided she can't be BOTHERED with whichever basic she's attempting to seduce, focusing instead on the DIFFICULTIES of these things (she's very busy of course, why ELSE do you think she's being forced to rhyme everything with the word BOM. She is HARDLY GOING TO HAVE TIME FOR YOU). Analysing this through a Marxist-feminist prism we already begin to see that the existence of Svetlana and her daily struggles may have been partially responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union (but only due to pre-emptive uprisings that this must eventually one day represent the Ukraine at Eurovision)

I'll call you on the phone
You speak in monotone
Don't wanna be alone
Because I'm crazy – bom

And IN ADDITION to her previous reinventions, she even manages to change the traditional interpretation of monotone (i.e. soz cba to smash ya cheeks this evening) into one of INVITATION and PROMISE. But SHUT UP THE CHORUS IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE AND IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WILL DO IN YOUR SORRY LIFE (BOM)

Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine
Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine

!!!

My pride and prejudice
I will just reminisce
These are the things you can't miss
Come on, give me a kiss

Jane Austen both AGOG and WORSHIPFUL at Svetana's GRACIOUS reinterpolation of her literary values to a situation appropriate for documentation within a Ukrainian Eurovision entry. But MORE IMPORTANTLY THAN THAT, she's found words which ARE NOT BOM to rhyme with each other. LET US SEE WHERE SHE GOES NEXT

There's nothing dangerous
I know what's waitin' on us
We'll keep each other restless
Oh boy, you look impressed

From MONOTONE to IMPRESSED (with being restless) in the space of a verse. Ms Svet must dispense some FUCKING GOOD SEX

The charm that I possess
Will put you to the test
To satisfy my interest
Come over, be my guest

I'll show you to my nest
You're under arrest
The others may be jealous
'Cause you're the one who's blessed

I literally don't even know why I have to analyse this part because the entirety of its fabulosity ought to be self-evident to all (someone put her in the American Constitution!). The first two lines of the second verse within this - FURTHER !!!

Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Basically if your world isn't imploding with glittered glass explosions by this point your life ISN'T WORTH LIVING
 
Penelope said:
I present my GENUINE EVIDENCE that Be My Valentine! is one of the greatest things to EVER hit the Eurovision stage. EXHIBIT A: SWEATY SVETTY HERSELF

EXHIBIT B: LYRICS

You are so sexy – bom
Gon' make me crazy – bom
We're gonna do the bom bom
Ain't that amazing – bom

ALREADY, just one verse in and Svetlana has REINVENTED BASIC ASSUMPTIONS over the nature of song in modern day Western culture, rhyming bom with bom not just ONCE but THREE TIMES before creating a new euphemism for GETTING BUMMED

I'm very busy – bom
It's not so easy – bom
I'm gonna tease you – bom bom
Without a reason – bom


And ONE VERSE later she's already decided she can't be BOTHERED with whichever basic she's attempting to seduce, focusing instead on the DIFFICULTIES of these things (she's very busy of course, why ELSE do you think she's being forced to rhyme everything with the word BOM. She is HARDLY GOING TO HAVE TIME FOR YOU). Analysing this through a Marxist-feminist prism we already begin to see that the existence of Svetlana and her daily struggles may have been partially responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union (but only due to pre-emptive uprisings that this must eventually one day represent the Ukraine at Eurovision)

I'll call you on the phone
You speak in monotone
Don't wanna be alone
Because I'm crazy – bom

And IN ADDITION to her previous reinventions, she even manages to change the traditional interpretation of monotone (i.e. soz cba to smash ya cheeks this evening) into one of INVITATION and PROMISE. But SHUT UP THE CHORUS IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE AND IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WILL DO IN YOUR SORRY LIFE (BOM)

Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine
Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine

!!!

My pride and prejudice
I will just reminisce
These are the things you can't miss
Come on, give me a kiss

Jane Austen both AGOG and WORSHIPFUL at Svetana's GRACIOUS reinterpolation of her literary values to a situation appropriate for documentation within a Ukrainian Eurovision entry. But MORE IMPORTANTLY THAN THAT, she's found words which ARE NOT BOM to rhyme with each other. LET US SEE WHERE SHE GOES NEXT

There's nothing dangerous
I know what's waitin' on us
We'll keep each other restless
Oh boy, you look impressed

From MONOTONE to IMPRESSED (with being restless) in the space of a verse. Ms Svet must dispense some FUCKING GOOD SEX

The charm that I possess
Will put you to the test
To satisfy my interest
Come over, be my guest

I'll show you to my nest
You're under arrest
The others may be jealous
'Cause you're the one who's blessed

I literally don't even know why I have to analyse this part because the entirety of its fabulosity ought to be self-evident to all (someone put her in the American Constitution!). The first two lines of the second verse within this - FURTHER !!!

Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Basically if your world isn't imploding with glittered glass explosions by this point your life ISN'T WORTH LIVING
Click to expand...
Did you have this prepared text? :D
 
Poor Balkan Girls having to come after the ANTI CRISIS GIRL
 
This is the one that Graham called out for miming on the night. I'm not actually sure she's the worst offender by any means.
 
Penelope said:
I present my GENUINE EVIDENCE that Be My Valentine! is one of the greatest things to EVER hit the Eurovision stage.

EXHIBIT A: SWEATY SVETTY HERSELF

EXHIBIT B: LYRICS

You are so sexy – bom
Gon' make me crazy – bom
We're gonna do the bom bom
Ain't that amazing – bom

ALREADY, just one verse in and Svetlana has REINVENTED BASIC ASSUMPTIONS over the nature of song in modern day Western culture, rhyming bom with bom not just ONCE but THREE TIMES before creating a new euphemism for GETTING BUMMED

I'm very busy – bom
It's not so easy – bom
I'm gonna tease you – bom bom
Without a reason – bom


And ONE VERSE later she's already decided she can't be BOTHERED with whichever basic she's attempting to seduce, focusing instead on the DIFFICULTIES of these things (she's very busy of course, why ELSE do you think she's being forced to rhyme everything with the word BOM. She is HARDLY GOING TO HAVE TIME FOR YOU). Analysing this through a Marxist-feminist prism we already begin to see that the existence of Svetlana and her daily struggles may have been partially responsible for the fall of the Soviet Union (but only due to pre-emptive uprisings that this must eventually one day represent the Ukraine at Eurovision)

I'll call you on the phone
You speak in monotone
Don't wanna be alone
Because I'm crazy – bom

And IN ADDITION to her previous reinventions, she even manages to change the traditional interpretation of monotone (i.e. soz cba to smash ya cheeks this evening) into one of INVITATION and PROMISE. But SHUT UP THE CHORUS IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE AND IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU WILL DO IN YOUR SORRY LIFE (BOM)

Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine
Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my valentine

!!!

My pride and prejudice
I will just reminisce
These are the things you can't miss
Come on, give me a kiss

Jane Austen both AGOG and WORSHIPFUL at Svetana's GRACIOUS reinterpolation of her literary values to a situation appropriate for documentation within a Ukrainian Eurovision entry. But MORE IMPORTANTLY THAN THAT, she's found words which ARE NOT BOM to rhyme with each other. LET US SEE WHERE SHE GOES NEXT

There's nothing dangerous
I know what's waitin' on us
We'll keep each other restless
Oh boy, you look impressed

From MONOTONE to IMPRESSED (with being restless) in the space of a verse. Ms Svet must dispense some FUCKING GOOD SEX

The charm that I possess
Will put you to the test
To satisfy my interest
Come over, be my guest

I'll show you to my nest
You're under arrest
The others may be jealous
'Cause you're the one who's blessed

I literally don't even know why I have to analyse this part because the entirety of its fabulosity ought to be self-evident to all (someone put her in the American Constitution!). The first two lines of the second verse within this - FURTHER !!!

Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save your world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl
Baby, I can save the world
I'm your anti-crisis girl

Basically if your world isn't imploding with glittered glass explosions by this point your life ISN'T WORTH LIVING
Click to expand...

Did you seriously just write this now?!
 
VoR said:
This is the one that Graham called out for miming on the night. I'm not actually sure she's the worst offender by any means.
Click to expand...
As if I'm looking at her mouth.
 
I love how the last couple of songs of 2009 descend into UTTER AND TOTAL TRASH (with Jade Ewen sandwhiched in between for a quick snooze)

#gintonicandlime
 
02 Lithuania
04 Israel
03 France
08 Sweden
05 Croatia
09 Portugal
10 Iceland
08 Greece
10 Armenia
05 Russia
08 Azerbaijan
10 Bosnia
11 Moldova :disco:
10 Matla
07 Estonia
03 Denmark
10 Germany
10 turkey
11 Albania :disco: :disco:
10 Norway
11 urkaine :disco: :disco: :disco: :disco:
04 Romania
 
00 Lithuania
04 Israel
08 France
10 Sweden
03 Croatia
08 Portugal
08 Iceland
08 Greece
10 Armenia
08 Russia
07 Azerbaijan
09 Bosnia & Herzegovina
09 Moldova
04 Malta
08 Estonia
00 Denmark
-1/12 Germany
08 Turkey
12455 Albania
07 Norway
12455 Ukraine
10 Romania

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!
 
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