physically? i am currently in a hotel room in Aarhus, Denmark, preparing to play Northside festival tomorrow. i am dyeing my hair , doing a bit of tan to take the blue tint off my skin, thinning my eyebrows, and thinking about a hair/makeup/stagewear look i can do that will cover up the inevitable red stains on my ears and back of my neck. the Danish, i find, are very serious about girly things, and i am bracing myself for the fact that Artist Liaison will be genuinely concerned that i do not constantly have access to a team of people who will do all these things
properly for me. so hide the evidence i must!
mentally? I am here:
https://youtu.be/2qtfgEnK_28?is=KXGWhckXQc9vyWGb
i simply cannot stop watching this video. as a songwriter it is pretty much your wildest dream for a brilliant popstar at the top of their game to interpret one of your songs, and that is exactly what happened. i am creating an image in my head of bob dylan flicking through the telly channels to stumble upon Cher doing this-
https://youtu.be/4Q-1F5s57qs?is=X5JrqOBTuow0jHsc
now, imagine me waking up in my bed in a tshirt id worn for almost 4 days in a row (depression) and then 10 minutes later hearing Olivia’s cover go out on radio 1. my brain currently feels like it is trying to cram concepts the size of elephants through a keyhole. that is to say it has been melted.
and, you know, i’m not gonna sit here and drag up all of the events of the week previous to you- mainly because it has already been covered in almost every online news site in Ireland and the UK already, but her gift to me could not have come at a better time. being the target of a quasi-organised online attack due to the algorithm throwing me in the timeline of men who don’t want to see or hear me… well for one thing it does something to the brain. i didnt really leave my room for 5 days because i just wanted to tap out of other peoples’ ability to see me. and truthfully, it was really difficult to have to go home to dublin and play my biggest headline show ever smack bang in the middle of the discourse. st. anne’s was of course incredible, but certainly i was concerned about my weight and ability to sing/ perform properly wayyy too much for a thoroughly joyous homecoming.
then this gift landed in my lap. thank FUCK .
i love Olivia- i was at her glasto set (when she brought out robert smith!!!) and i also saw her in the 3arena on her guts tour (which really moved me because i happened to be surrounded by 8 year old girls absolutely WAILING all of the words to traitor. in my book to bring the demon of a hypothetical future heartbreak out of a small girl is an important spiritual act). i think get him back! was one of the best songs released that year, and that her new song The Cure is one of the most impressive lyrics i have heard from a 23 year old maybe ever .
as such it made sense that she would smash any cover she sang but truly, she knocked Good Man out of the park. the vocals, the melody alterations, the enunciation (i could NEVER), even just putting the counter backing vocals from 2nd verse onto a string line…. it was all just so considered and exquisitely , exquisitely done.
there is also a secret joy woven into the fabric of all this, which is me in my head trying to compute the visual of the stunning and stunningly famous popstar singing a song that i remember writing. only i can remember the why/where/when in its entirety, and in its fullness. this is true of all my songs. i remember her when she was just a little baby learning to crawl, with too many verses and lyrical tangents. it’s as if suddenly i am watching my precious toddler graduate from college, but all i can remember is her toilet training.
so thank you Olivia Rodrigo for making me feel like the prettiest songwriter at the school disco. i don’t know what i did to deserve anything but i have been firmly reminded of what my job is and am now off to write 1 million more weird songs.
lots of love, remember to believe in yourselves and all that other hippy nonsense,
cmat x x x
ps i am now doing a mask aswell