The shocking truth about Kelly Llorenna

[Devil]

10 Set You Free
07 Brighter Day
05 One Day I'll Fly Away
10 True Love Never Dies
10 Tell It To My Heart
10 Forever
10 This Time I Know It's For Real
06 Nobody Like You
08 I Will Love Again
08 Before You Love Me
06 Dress You Up

That's about my rate too

True Love Never Dies is amazing.

 

[RobotBoy]

11 Heart Of Gold

 

[ButterTart]

She's only 34 you heartless bastards! Growing up in Oldham would make anyone prematurely wizened.

I'll thank you all to show some respect for the FACE of British dance music.

 

[Sheena]

00 Heart of Gold

 

[Sheena]

OH MY SHIT- she actually DOES claim to just be 40

 

[Slave]

Oh the days when Kelly Llorenna would come crashing through the back door of the pub where I worked, having heard there was going to be a bit of ket and coke going upstairs.

It became somewhat commonplace for a few weeks. I remember once shouting at her "shoes OFF if you're going to walk through the bar, the floor's just been MOPPED". She did at least comply

 

[Kala]

KLlo did drugs?

 

[ButterTart]

Water and regular exercise are the only drugs Queen Kel has ever partaken of. And MDMA a few times with the girl I used to work with.

 

[VoR]

KLlo did drugs?

!!!

 

[Sheena]

KLlo did drugs?

This is rapidly turning into MOOPY GOLD!

 

[VoR]

K.Llo ALWAYS delivers

 

[Sheena]

K.Llo ALWAYS delivers

More K.LA than K.Llo

 

[ButterTart]

A quick Google search of Our Kel's recent whereabouts revealed that this happened, and I didn't go to it. Bugger.

 

[Penelope]

KLlo did drugs?

Oh my GOD

 

[Marilyn]

A quick Google search of Our Kel's recent whereabouts revealed that this happened, and I didn't go to it. Bugger.

I don't know where to begin with her blurb

♛KELLY LLORENA (Live)
The N-Trance vocalist and singer of the massive number 1 ‘Set You Free’ Performing all her dance anthems including ‘True Love Never Dies’, TellIt to my heart’ ‘Heart of gold’ and more.

This misspelled name, Set You Free not being a number one, the dodgy spacing and punctuation...

 

[straightorbroken]

I don't know where to begin with her blurb



This misspelled name, Set You Free not being a number one, the dodgy spacing and punctuation...

It's hard to type with her press ons, all the while shouting "come on!"

 

[Marilyn]

I also like how she's specified as (Live), as if there was a possibility she'd be appearing via satellite

 

[Marilyn]

Or maybe as a hologram

 

[Marilyn]

I realise this is mega old news for all of you but I've just seen the video for Tell It To My Heart for the first time ever and I'm completely agog



The atrocious acting
Her middle aged face
Sitting in a parked car pretending to drive
The dodgy dancing of the crowd
Kelli nearly glassing a bitch that was in her way
The REVEAL where the guy turns out to be a different guy and Kelly does an interpretive dance

How have I lived this long without seeing it? As videos set in clubs go it's up there with Believe

 

[VoR]

A sprightly 27 when that was a hit.

 

[ButterTart]

She had the middle aged face when she was popping out of sunroofs in the Set You Free video.

I don't know why I'm joining in with the shade, I LOVE her.

 

[Sheena]

Is Kelly basically going to end up doing the gay cabaret circuit with OUR HAZELL and Nikki French?

 

[VoR]

Is Kelly basically going to end up doing the gay cabaret circuit with OUR HAZELL and Nikki French?

What do you mean 'going to end up'?

 

[RobotBoy]

I realise this is mega old news for all of you but I've just seen the video for Tell It To My Heart for the first time ever and I'm completely agog



The atrocious acting
Her middle aged face
Sitting in a parked car pretending to drive
The dodgy dancing of the crowd
Kelli nearly glassing a bitch that was in her way
The REVEAL where the guy turns out to be a different guy and Kelly does an interpretive dance

How have I lived this long without seeing it? As videos set in clubs go it's up there with Believe

I honestly wouldn't care to admit how many HOURS I've spent dissecting this work of ART over the years.

 

[Sheena]

What do you mean 'going to end up'?

I presumed she was still doing the dance circuit?

She's still a STEP ABOVE (some would say) the likes of ALL TIME BYWORD FOR "ROPEY OLD BAG ON THE GAY SCENE" KELLY WILDE, for example

 

[Pipo]

She's only 34 you heartless bastards!

HA! Yeah in DOG years perhaps.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

I can't say I anticipated the scale this topic has turned into.

 

[ButterTart]

She's a divisive figure, she was bound to inspire furious debate.

 

[straightorbroken]

HA! Yeah in DOG years perhaps.

It's probably true in a way - she'll have been blacked out in a Travelodge bath tub for half her life, so why not just chop half off?

 

[VoR]

I realise this is mega old news for all of you but I've just seen the video for Tell It To My Heart for the first time ever and I'm completely agog

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LzSnYtKdQ6E" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

The atrocious acting
Her middle aged face
Sitting in a parked car pretending to drive
The dodgy dancing of the crowd
Kelli nearly glassing a bitch that was in her way
The REVEAL where the guy turns out to be a different guy and Kelly does an interpretive dance

How have I lived this long without seeing it? As videos set in clubs go it's up there with Believe

The YouTube comments under this video really give you a feel for her core market.

I remember sucking a girls toes to this in The Office, Magalluf, Spain. Especially good times working and living over there. Kelly is a babe.

Bounceing to carcroft to pick up some gurners bk in the day

wat a song a was dancin to this in ibiza last week

Cant wait to see Kelly at Butlins this weekend. Lol she hot, Does everybody agree?

robbing bastard kelly works for all around records and stole this with flip and phill off stacey kerr the real person that sung this in the club scene with soll records

ive met her in manchester out side cruz 101 she is one down to earth person

Why do so many dance pop stars look like trannys?

jail cells arent ever that big..

i had my willy sucked y listening to this and yes she was black

 

[VoR]

My favourite Kelly video is the one for the actually quite good 'Nobody Like You', a rare moment of original artistry for Mme Llorenna.



She actually looks like that tan mom woman.

 

[Sheena]

OMG AT THE COLOUR OF HER IN THAT LAST VIDEO AND I'M SORRY I KNOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT SERIOUSLY I CAN'T EVEN...

 

[VoR]

It's the opening shot of the orange claw sensually caressing the polished mahogany calf that cracks me up every time.

I appreciate her carrying on the noble tradition of rough-as-arseholes Northern celebrities attempting to pull off leopardskin print too.

 

[Sheena]

She's FUCKING SEPIA

 

[Kala]

I've never heard Nobody Like You before, and I really like it! I am ASHAMED. It's probably the only song of hers I would listen to ever again.

The least said about the state of her in the video the better, though!

 

[ButterTart]

OMG AT THE COLOUR OF HER IN THAT LAST VIDEO AND I'M SORRY I KNOW THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT SERIOUSLY I CAN'T EVEN...

She looks like she's been varnished. Good song though, I'd not heard it before.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

11 Set You Free
09 Brighter Day
10 One Day I'll Fly Away
11 True Love Never Dies
10 Tell It To My Heart
10 Heart of Gold
10 Forever
10 This Time I Know It's For Real
09 Nobody Like You
10 I Will Love Again - Let's not forget Lady Gaga rips this off. Just saying.
10 Before You Love Me
07 Dress You Up - EVEN I STRUGGLE WITH THIS

 

[Halli]

Heart of Gold?

 

[AGinAg (37)]

A 10 of course, but I have recently come to favour the original!

 

[Eileen]

The Force and Styles version of Heart of Gold is a 13/10 STOMPATHON