Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 9: Australia, Cyprus & Lithuania

[AGinAg (37)]

3rd: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old (143pts)

A passable slice of Ellie Goulding-esque balladry that feels like it might have actually qualified on merit and not just because there's pockets of weirdly motivated Lithuanian Eurovision obsessives operating in every city in Europe. SEND 'EM BACK!

Anyway, it walks that very delicate tightrope between emotive and emetic, I'll leave the decision on where it lands down to the individual. She's already split from the husband, which makes the performance a bit tragic to watch back. Hold onto your dignity love, he was clearly getting a blowie from Lea Sirk underneath that bridge just moments beforehand, the rotter.

4 x 12 (dmlaw, Dark Carnival, Buttertart, Alla)
1 x 0 (Ill Advised)

I gave this my 1. Absolutely FOUL.

 

[Penelope]

Anyway by far the most interesting thing about Ieva is that the year before she was doing THIS

 

[win_the_game]

Lithuania really is a HOT BED of song writing talent.

 

[dmlaw]

Surely not This Time for the win. It's not a bad song but that kiss in the middle of the performance is probably the most hateful staging choice yet.

 

[win_the_game]

4th: Andrius Pojavis - Something (117pts)

Oh, I've come to find this one quite ENDEARING really. Obviously Andrius is quite easy to look at, but it's also got a sort of woozy quality, akin to a likeable drunk slurring semi-coherent nonsense at you before falling off his stool and insisting he's fine to walk home.

I will forever love his grumpy reaction to finishing 20th too, particularly the reveal of his tragically middling pre-Contest dreams of making it all the way to 8th place. Bless.

3 x 12 (Kevin, Ag, Ill Advised)
4 x 1 (Pingu, sewerynsven, Kalabaliken, Dark Carnival)

As great as it was, I do think we were robbed in 2013 when we could have had Adele with a severe bowl cut.

 

[Penelope]

OMG you WATCHED LITHUANIAN NATIONAL FINALS AS A MATTER OF COURSE?

I feel like this entirely makes sense actually

 

[VoR]

2nd: Monika Linkytė & Vaidas Baumila - This Time (148pts)

Gosh, for all their Eurovision sins, the Lithuanians are quite a photogenic bunch, aren't they?

There's a vaguely interesting back story to this, in that both Monika and Vaidas were supposed to compete in the national final with rival versions of the song, only to discover that it worked much, much better as a duet and deciding to go in as a team.

Sadly 'much, much better' still only amounts to 'passably hummable'. This is good jaunty fun for the first minute, but it just doesn't DO anything after that, aside from try to distract everybody with some sexually inclusive kissing. Which, fine, but I think a decent key change would have struck a better blow for gay rights.

2 x 12 (Pingu, Kalabaliken)
1 x 3 (dmlaw)

1st: Donny Montell - I've Been Waiting For This Night (181pts)

A relatively rare comeback kid success story, in the four years between his tripe to Baku and Stockholm, Donny Montell hit the gym, worked on his stage presence and got his claws into a very decent Danny Saucedo cast-off that stood out sufficiently to do significantly better than his first go around and deliver Lithuania their second ever top ten finish.

Written entirely by Swedes, there's no way in hell this wasn't a Melfest reject, but that's as tried and true a path to success as any, and our Donny sold it well with mercifully limited crotch-thrusting. I reckon he's still got one more go around in him before he calls it a day, he seems like the type.

5 x 12 (Superstylin', Jacques, Suomi, Kevin7, David_5000)
1 x 0 (Dark Carnival)

 

[Penelope]

This is good jaunty fun for the first minute, but it just doesn't DO anything after that, aside from try to distract everybody with some sexually inclusive kissing. Which, fine, but I think a decent key change would have struck a better blow for gay rights.

 

[VoR]

And there we are. Now, let us never speak of that accursed bunch again.

Taking a short break from this as it is my birthday in 35 minutes and frankly I need a weekend off. We will return on Monday and hopefully business as usual from then on.

 

[Penelope]

YES PLEASE all round to Vaidas, who even has the decency to WHIP IT OUT on the GRAM

 

[D5K]

Thanks @VoR !

 

[Alla]

@Dark Carnival devastated AGAIN with the result.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

And there we are. Now, let us never speak of that accursed bunch again.

Taking a short break from this as it is my birthday in 35 minutes and frankly I need a weekend off. We will return on Monday and hopefully business as usual from then on.

But will he SURVIVE? Tune in on Monday!

 

[ILL ADVISED]

That’s the most off my zero and twelve have been so far

 

[dmlaw]

At least VoR's drunkenness is built into the schedule this time.

 

[Alla]

Thanks for doing this, it took some effort to stay awake reading, can't imagine writing all that.

 

[Penelope]

Thanks for doing this, it took some effort to stay awake reading, can't imagine writing all that.

Have you been AWAKE ALL THREE DAYS?

PUT DOWN THE PIPE BABE!

 

[Dark Carnival]

3rd: Ieva Zasimauskaitė - When We're Old (143pts)

A passable slice of Ellie Goulding-esque balladry that feels like it might have actually qualified on merit and not just because there's pockets of weirdly motivated Lithuanian Eurovision obsessives operating in every city in Europe. SEND 'EM BACK!

Anyway, it walks that very delicate tightrope between emotive and emetic, I'll leave the decision on where it lands down to the individual. She's already split from the husband, which makes the performance a bit tragic to watch back. Hold onto your dignity love, he was clearly getting a blowie from Lea Sirk underneath that bridge just moments beforehand, the rotter.

4 x 12 (dmlaw, Dark Carnival, Buttertart, Alla)
1 x 0 (Ill Advised)

You heartless bastards

 

[Dark Carnival]

@Dark Carnival devastated AGAIN with the result.

I’m PAST caring at this point. Basic generic uninspired shit is exactly what these gays deserve.

 

[Dark Carnival]

YES PLEASE all round to Vaidas, who even has the decency to WHIP IT OUT on the GRAM

Oh slap it in me love!

 

[ButterTart]

You heartless bastards

This. I thought that would steamroll to victory no questions asked. I did like I've Been Waiting For This Night in studio form (and rated it purely on that), but the second he started gambolling around the stage with his cunty bubble perm I was reaching for the shotgun.

 

[Zu]

Ieva THIRD? You DEGENERATE DEVIL CHILDREN!

 

[Zu]

And there we are. Now, let us never speak of that accursed bunch again.

Taking a short break from this as it is my birthday in 35 minutes and frankly I need a weekend off. We will return on Monday and hopefully business as usual from then on.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @VoR!

 

[ButterTart]

Ieva THIRD? You DEGENERATE DEVIL CHILDREN!

I've already berated them for this. I'd have thought Lithuanian Diana Vickers would have been catnip for this lot.

 

[Zu]

I bet poor Minty is starting to regret ever cutting the ribbon to this SPECIAL LOUNGE ANNEXE. I suggest upping the hourly crème de menthe intake to seven litres as a special birthday treat

 

[Zu]

I've already berated them for this. I'd have thought Lithuanian Diana Vickers would have been catnip for this lot.

Not nice to say it but they’re sick and evil. Imagine awarding the gong to someone named after an OSMOND!

 

[ButterTart]

Not nice to say it but they’re sick and evil. Imagine awarding the gong to someone named after an OSMOND!

I don't think we should rule out conducting an exorcism.

I hadn't even thought about the Osmonds connection but I know Penelope is a HUGE fan of Paper Roses, Alla has a spine-length tattoo of Jay, and Ag is a practising Mormon. They've had a hand in this, mark my words.

 

[Zu]

I knew the board was trying to tell me something about @Ag when it kept repeatedly spelling out YOU TA. Yes, I said, thank you too, at least before the glass went flying and blood-curdling screams filled the room. It turns out that not only do summoned demons have terrible temper tantrums but they also aren’t very good at spelling

 

[Alla]

Are you drinking already, darling?

 

[Zu]

NO I AM NOT (well, I’ve had a little speck of Malibu on my Weetaflakes but nothing new there)! This is me SOBER!

 

[ButterTart]

I knew the board was trying to tell me something about @Ag when it kept repeatedly spelling out YOU TA. Yes, I said, thank you too, at least before the glass went flying and blood-cuddling screams filled the room. It turns out that not only do summoned demons have terrible temper tantrums but they also aren’t very good at spelling

I asked if Penelope is a little bit cunty, and the glass nearly had my hand off in its rush to say yes. It's all making absolute sense now.

 

[Zu]

Of course the best way to test the board is to ask whether Princess @Penelope could live without her horse. As we all know, slag loves her pony

 

[ButterTart]

How many sibling supergroups have managed to influence these results? I'd like to hope the rot stopped with the Osmonds, but I have my suspicions. Hera Bjork's win for Iceland raised a few eyebrows - who would vote for an upbeat number like that unless they were in the mood for dancing?

 

[Zu]

Or indeed ROMANCING

Although I very much doubt there’s any of that going on with THESE SLUTS!

 

[Penelope]

Not nice to say it but they’re sick and evil.

 

[Zu]

I’ve had a look through the votes so I can work out who’ll be getting a gift-wrapped dog head for Christmas and I see that @Dark Carnival wins more gold stars for services to, etc. based on the glorious 12 for poor jilted Ieva and zero for the winner ()

 

[ButterTart]

I’ve got a few expired book tokens I’ll be dishing out to the national treasures who gave Telemoveis 0 or less in the Portugal round.

 

[dmlaw]

Did you even vote, Zu? Ieva needed you.

 

[Zu]

Wouldn’t have made any difference

 

[Beverley]

that second donny song is UTTER GASH

seems from his insta that he ain't ageing well either