Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 11: Denmark, Germany & Ukraine

Out on the Red Carpet, stand-in host Suomi interviews attending guests following VoR's ISIS kidnapping.

"Do you have a message of hope for Zu-Klara?" he asks a dishevelled Dark Carnival, who has only just left a Eurovision 2012 sex party hosted by Beverley and spouse.

RESULTS AT 6 AFTER FF!
 
Suomi said:
Out on the Red Carpet, stand-in host Suomi interviews attending guests following VoR's ISIS kidnapping.

"Do you have a message of hope for Zu-Klara?" he asks a dishevelled Dark Carnival, who has only just left a Eurovision 2012 sex party hosted by Beverley and spouse.

RESULTS AT 6 AFTER FF!
Click to expand...
FF is tomorrow isn't it?
 
Suomi said:
Out on the Red Carpet, stand-in host Suomi interviews attending guests following VoR's ISIS kidnapping.

"Do you have a message of hope for Zu-Klara?" he asks a dishevelled Dark Carnival, who has only just left a Eurovision 2012 sex party hosted by Beverley and spouse.

RESULTS AT 6 AFTER FF!
Click to expand...
There's FISTING FUN TODAY?!
 
A huge thank you to the talented Dark Carnival, who managed to dangle those Cadbury's Creme Eggs from his testicles for over an hour. We look forward to seeing what you have up your sleeve for the interval.

But now, Denmark calling.
 
s-l300.jpg

Denmark is regularly listed as being, on average, the happiest nation on Earth. However, listening to their recent Eurovision output this may surprise you because very few of their entries are allowed to be more than a 7/10 moment, so it is written in the Danish National Selection Handbook. This is something Moopy voters took heed of as they veered their way through more than a healthy helping of Ronan Keating classics to find the Danish gold.

Number of Moopy posters who voted: 20

Number of Moopy posters who want their money back: TBC
 
#10 - 2015: Anti Social Media - The Way You Are



27 points

Highest: 1x 6pts (Alla)

Lowest: 6 x 0pts (VoR, Buttertart, Kalabaliken, Penelope, Tischlampe, wurst)

There are few things worse than seeing a young man with a guitar. But more often than not straight people get together and decide it’s the best thing ever, and we just have to hide in G-A-Y bar and accept it. Well something delightful must have been in the water in 2015 as this aggressively jaunty number sung by Ron Weasley stalled in the semis and ‘Anti-Social Media’ were never heard from again. I don’t know what is wrong with Denmark sometimes, but I do know that they are at their absolute worst when they get all ‘masc top 4 same ONLY’ with this sort of nonsense.
 
#9 2019: Leonora - Love is Forever



52 points

Highest: 1x 6pts (David_5000)

Lowest: 5x 0pts (Ill Advised, win_the_game, Alla, Ag, dmlaw)

'Evil, in a general sense, is the opposite or absence of good. It can be an extremely broad concept, although in everyday usage is often used more narrowly to denote profound wickedness. It is generally seen as taking multiple possible forms, such as the form of personal moral evil commonly associated with the word, or impersonal natural evil and in religious thought.'

Look, this is terrible but there is actually a psychological trick you can play on yourself that might make you like it. First you have to imagine the giant chair as a metaphor for the world. Next, imagine Leonora is God (stay with me here) assessing our behaviour as mankind. A furious Leonora sits seething about how we’ve destroyed the world, and sarcastically sings about how love is forever and everything is lovely and amazing. That Denmark could even dare to enter with such satirical wit!, you say to yourself. The annoying melody becomes haunting and you mortgage your house to afford the phone votes for this masterpiece.

The Cult of Leonora may have only managed 52 points from Moopy, but something tells me this isn’t over. Be careful.

Fun Fact: Due to human error on the juries, this should never have qualified over Lithuania's "Run With the Lions". But it did because Leonora is evil and evil wins.
 
Fucking EXECRABLE! And what made it even worse was that Anti-Social Media got in the way of two potentially incredible Eurovision entries in its national final (one beguiling number which pre-empted Havana by three years, and one GLITTERING TEENAGE GAY-POP DELIGHT) - and it was ALL A WASTE ANYWAY BECAUSE GOING BORING AND MASC AND RADIO 2 COULDN'T EVEN QUALIFY :oi:


 
Oh, I despise that fucking thing. Every single time she sings 'don't get too political' I want to punch her in the cunt so hard that my fist comes out of the top of her head.
 
I can only really take Leonora seriously if I think of it as the most bitter, biting satire of "don't worry, be happy!" people in the age of Trump (I mean ffs, "don't get too political"!!!), executed with full commitment - in that context it is truly incredible :disco:

As it is it's one of the greatest examples ever of a Eurovision entry which would have been made into HIGH ART by the artist shooting themselves in the head at the end (along with Aisha - What For? and Ping Pong - Be Happy!)
 
Suomi said:
#9 2019: Leonora - Love is Forever



52 points

Highest: 1x 6pts (David_5000)

Lowest: 5x 0pts (Ill Advised, win_the_game, Alla, Ag, dmlaw)

'Evil, in a general sense, is the opposite or absence of good. It can be an extremely broad concept, although in everyday usage is often used more narrowly to denote profound wickedness. It is generally seen as taking multiple possible forms, such as the form of personal moral evil commonly associated with the word, or impersonal natural evil and in religious thought.'

Look, this is terrible but there is actually a psychological trick you can play on yourself that might make you like it. First you have to imagine the giant chair as a metaphor for the world. Next, imagine Leonora is God (stay with me here) assessing our behaviour as mankind. A furious Leonora sits seething about how we’ve destroyed the world, and sarcastically sings about how love is forever and everything is lovely and amazing. That Denmark could even dare to enter with such satirical wit!, you say to yourself. The annoying melody becomes haunting and you mortgage your house to afford the phone votes for this masterpiece.

The Cult of Leonora may have only managed 52 points from Moopy, but something tells me this isn’t over. Be careful.

Fun Fact: Due to human error on the juries, this should never have qualified over Lithuania's "Run With the Lions". But it did because Leonora is evil and evil wins.
Click to expand...
Fucking hideous
 
#8 2016: Lighthouse X - Soldiers of Love



55 points

Highest: 1 x 10pts (sewerynsven)

Lowest: 2 x 0pts (Jacques, kevin7 )

You see, where Iceland is next door trying out their musical recipe book, Denmark is sat ordering the same pizza from the same Deliveroo destination. Trying to find something interesting to say about Lighthouse X would normally be hard, but I just recently made up that they were recruited by the Taliban shortly after this.

"This isn't the sort of soldier we had in mind!" one of them was heard screaming on the last known audiotape.
 
I can tolerate Soldiers of Love. As a fascinating retrospective look at 90s boyband style and melody and aiming for B-side level quality, it's basically a history lesson masquerading as an entry
 
#7 2011: A Friend In London - New Tomorrow



73 points

Highest 2 x 8pts (Pingu, Jacques)

Lowest 3 x 0 (Suomi, David_5000, Raining on Me)

This to me represents the true nadir of Denmark’s never-ending foray into radio pop rock. I suspect the (alleged) beauty of the lead singer propelled this further up the scoreboard than it would have done had it been sung by, say, Dinah Nah. Indeed, that it managed FIFTH from a starting position of 3rd is astonishing to me. That affected vocal and low BPM combined make this what I can only imagine to be what straight people hear when a Louise song gets played.
 
Soldiers of Love is an insult for a lot of reasons, but primarily all I can think of is horror that this is the closest anyone has got to trying to send Atemlos durch die Nacht to Eurovision, and also that it's another one that was a total waste of incredible national final entries for something BORING THAT COULDN'T EVEN QUALIFY




Wasn't it MilkyBarKid's favourite entry in 2016 or something LUDICROUS like that?
 
#6 Soluna Samay – Should’ve Known Better



89 points

Highest: 1x12pts (Dark Carnival)

Lowest: 1 x 0 points (Pingu)

Well this feels rather FRESH after yesterday’s Moopy 2012 watch-a-long. This is not a bad song at all, but the wind in the sails of 2012 were truly deflated when she went onto stage with all her problems, like having a great time at a houseparty and then someone pulls you into the bathroom for a ‘talk.’

It is 4:45am and Soluna is still crying about her lack of romantic foresight. My phone is dead and I can no longer hear the other party guests, the jubilant singing of La La Love now a distant memory. With horror, I realise Soluna is now about to talk about her troubled upbringing…
 
Also I hadn't bothered going here earlier because I was led to believe it wasn't happening today. Suomi is the only person on Moopy who has my phone number, and yet he didn't see fit to slip me a WhatsApp to personally invite me to the results gala. SAD.
 
A Friend in London is TRULY DISGUSTING and should've been bottom with NUL. Absolutely gross
 
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