Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 12: Albania, Belgium & Spain

8th: Iris - Would You (63pts)

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No Iris, we would not.

3 x 5 (Tischlampe, dmlaw, Kalabaliken)
2 x 1 (Kevin, David_5000)
 
God can you imagine how much WORSE 2011 would've been if With Love had qualified (as it horrifyingly SO NEARLY DID)? It DOESN'T BEAR THINKING ABOUT!
 
I quite liked 'Would you?' at the time but in hindsight it really wasn't all that. You can pretty much visualise some Flanders tv producer thinking "Tom Dice worked well last time, let's do that again!"
 
Hang on didn't I give With Hoof 4 points too?

I'd say I can explain it but all I can offer is that I found several others either terrifying, not on the radar at all or utterly fuckable stabbable in their cunty SHITNESS.

With this I just couldn't stop watching like some kind of paralyzing trauma, which was at least better than wanting to smack Tom Dice in the mouth and report Axel to the police.

And the best defence is that it's Belgium, half of this list is FOUL
 
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7th: Eliot - Wake Up (81pts)

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Now that the utter dregs are out of the way (Im sorry, but what did you WANT me to say about Iris? So boring I'm still not 100% she actually exists) we move on to the packed midfield of Belgian entries that were much more promising in theory than in practice.

Written by the team behind City Lights (of which more later) this was clearly banking on a similar beguiling anti-charisma appeal. However, there's only so much room in the night sky for a star as bright as Blanche, and poor little Eliot was more of a sleeping satellite. Seriously, this may be in the top ten most LISTLESS performances ever half-heartedly committed to the Eurovision stage. If he really did come to fight, my money's on the other guy.

2 x 8 (Suomi, Dark Carnival)
1 x 1 (Tischlampe)
 
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Oh WOW, I wasn't expecting Eliot out so early. Yeah, the performance wasn't up to much but the song was YARDS AND AWAY better than FUCKING TOM DICE!
 
Anyway as a rule I'm not into twinks but I'm sure Eliot will be just LOVELY to look at in ten years' time :)
 
Yeah it was one of my disappointing non qualifiers of recent years.
 
Penelope said:
Oh WOW, I wasn't expecting Eliot out so early. Yeah, the performance wasn't up to much but the song was YARDS AND AWAY better than FUCKING TOM DICE!
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I really can't comprehend how that is yet to come. But such is the quality of Belgium.

Eliot's song is very good however but that performance is up there with Alekseev of Belarus in terms of how to kill something promising outright
 
Wake Up could have been a good song. He clearly couldn't be ARSED, and I really didn't get why he was dressed as a firefighter-cum-Pokemon trainer. The firefighter is in keeping with the lyrics, sure, but everyone knows Cum Pokemon are generally pacifist.
 
6th: Tom Dice - Me & My Guitar (84pts)

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After a horrible mid-late 00s that saw them failing miserably on all five of their first attempts to qualify (including 2006's much-mourned KATE GATE), Belgium started the 10s on a resurgent note thanks to this affable proto-Sheeran.

Much as I've come to despise what it represents, I struggle to hate Me & My Guitar. It lands just on the right side of sincere, and I was always fascinated by the way his classically Belgian child bearing hips and massive arse bore absolutely no relation to the rest of his proportions. That bemused chuckle he lets out about halfway through is very endearing too.

I think what I'm trying to say is that this song is quite boring but I'd probably bottom for Tom Dice, so let's just absorb that reality and move on with our lives, shall we?

1 x 10 (Alla)
2 x 0 (David_5000, Raining on Me)
 
He appears to have got himself a wife and a PRONOUNCED AQUILINE NOSE however (neither I'm sure a deal-breaker for VoR)

 
I loved Me and My Guitar. It speaks for the progressive nature of the Belgians that one of the songs they selected this decade been a love song to a musical instrument and a fat bloke announcing to the whole of Europe that he'd love nothing more than to ride his mother like the Waltzers.
 
I liked Me and My Guitar. It didn't feel like it existed solely to pander to a demographic like most of Sheeran's shit.
 
He really does look FASCINATINGLY different in every photo






Apparently still has a career of sorts in Belgium too. Good for her!
 
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