Tuesday plays your body like a pinball machine

Oh goodness, there's no more Holby City till July after tonight's episode.

How am I supposed to complete my medical degree now? :(
 
Morning moopy.

I feel like I should go out for a walk as ive not left my flat or garden since Thursday. But I really can't be bothered.

Also for the 100th time of going back and forth, I think lockdown and furlough has made me come to the decision to step down as manager. I think. Maybe.
 
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Oh god stop fucking hoovering. I wouldn't care but we've got hard floors and they need wiping/polishing not hoovering. But you daren't say anything.

Last night I chose a selection of music I like to listen to quite randomly. Apparently it was a CALCULATED SELECTION to cause HURT all based on the feelings I still have about my ex I split up with 25 fucking years ago. LOCK ME DOWN ON MY OWN FOR MY OWN SANITY
 
It was a struggle getting up this morning :gross:
 
Shirley said:
Oh god stop fucking hoovering. I wouldn't care but we've got hard floors and they need wiping/polishing not hoovering. But you daren't say anything.
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We've got vinyl flooring which really needs mopping. But our steam mop has died. So to make me feel better, I'm hoovering daily.
 
So a different office has been working on our caseload for some reason, and has done far more harm than good. Just leave our shit the fuck alone, we know what we’re doing.
 
Morning

Confirmation this morning I don’t have HIV/AIDS, as we thought. Just sent a ridiculous long list of medical history things to my cancer doctor as I’ve had a lot of minor, unexplained things over the years. Feel like a terrible SILLY old hypochondriac about it, but I guess better to say everything and feel that way than not.
 
I love being able to get out of the house to go to work

I hate that I have to leave the house to go to work

OH I DON'T FUCKING KNOW
 
I've just had a knot of anxiety in my chest for weeks now

Perhaps a HEART ATTACK is the way out
 
I've just had a vegan chick'n & stuffin sandwich

It wasn't very nice :(
 
I've just managed to escape going back to work for a couple more days because I don't drive. I need more excuses.
 
Not in the office today. I had some days off when my dad was meant to be in the UK and since he's not coming now, I moved a couple of them to this week.
 
Was awake till 3:30am this morning just lying there worried that my partner was going to die, I even started crying which is not like me. Particularly as there's nothing wrong with him, my brain is now just disaster-scenarioing everything. I'm throwing myself into work today to try and just get back to normality but the anxiety monster is harder to fight than ever before.
 
I stayed up until 3am rewatching The Good Place last episodes, which made me happy and then very sad.
 
Suomi said:
Was awake till 3:30am this morning just lying there worried that my partner was going to die, I even started crying which is not like me. Particularly as there's nothing wrong with him, my brain is now just disaster-scenarioing everything. I'm throwing myself into work today to try and just get back to normality but the anxiety monster is harder to fight than ever before.
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Oh Su :( sometimes work can help give you the normality you need.
 
Suomi said:
Was awake till 3:30am this morning just lying there worried that my partner was going to die, I even started crying which is not like me. Particularly as there's nothing wrong with him, my brain is now just disaster-scenarioing everything. I'm throwing myself into work today to try and just get back to normality but the anxiety monster is harder to fight than ever before.
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I know others that are struggling in exactly the same way. I wish I know what to do to make it better...
 
Suomi said:
Was awake till 3:30am this morning just lying there worried that my partner was going to die, I even started crying which is not like me. Particularly as there's nothing wrong with him, my brain is now just disaster-scenarioing everything. I'm throwing myself into work today to try and just get back to normality but the anxiety monster is harder to fight than ever before.
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I’ve had anxiety creep into my life recently, thanks to years of drug abuse I’ve developed a rational approach to telling myself its all in my head but last week I was getting that unavoidable feeling of deep guttural dread that you can’t rationalise with thought. I spent a few hours in nature on the bike yesterday which left my physically knackered, I slept well and woke up full of focus with work. Not to get all instagram fitness guru on you but I can’t recommend a big burst of physical output in the outdoors as a reset. It’s almost as good as a dirty k-hole.
 
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