Moopy's Greatest Dance Anthems: THE RESULTS SUPERTHREAD

What should we do with the final 50?


  • Total voters
    17
We’re into the top 200 now, kids. What brutes await us?


This lot also scored 12, but with higher individual points.

200

Röyksopp – What Else is There? (Trentemøller remix)
2005, Norway, No 32 smash! This one features vocals from Karin Dreijer of The Knife (who, you may recall, were brutally fucked over earlier in the countdown). The original samples ‘Kill Me With Your Love’ by Jericho, ‘Love Me Love the Life I Lead’ by The Drifters, and ‘Skyscape’ by Klaus Doldinger. This mix was featured in an episode of Entourage, but don’t let that ruin your enjoyment of it.


199
Gat Décor – Passion

1992, UK, 1996 version a No. 6 smash! The one that isn’t the one by Amen! UK. It samples The Prodigy – Everybody in the Place, The Chosen Few – Funky Buttercup and JT Company – Don’t Deal With Us. If that Narcotic Thrust factoid set your tip a-glistening earlier, then brace yourself: Gat Décor is a partial anagram of Tag Records, a shop in Soho. Load detonated.


198
The Prodigy – Smack my Bitch Up

1997, UK, No. 8 smash! Nominated by shameful misogynist @dmlaw and voted the most controversial song of all time. The vocal sample is from Ultramagnetic MCs’ ‘Give the Drummer Some’. Additional vocals by Shahin Badar are a rerecording of Sheila Chandra’s ‘Nana (The Dreaming)’. It also samples Kool & the Gang – Funky Man, Randy Weston – In Memory Of, Rage Against the Machine – Bulls on Parade, Afrique – House of Rising Funk. I did this write up while at work. Christ I hope nobody checks my search history.


197
Motiv8 – Rockin’ for Myself

1993, UK, No 18 smash in 1994! The vocals on this one come courtesy of Angie Brown, and it’s based on the 49ers ‘Move Your Feet’. Motiv8’s real name is Steve Rodway, and he’s renowned as the producer on Ooh Aah… Just a Little Bit by Ginag (39). He also did something called a ‘vocal slam’ for the song Wasabi by a band called ‘The Space Gals’. No fucking idea.


196
The Prodigy – Breathe

1996, UK, No. 1 smash! This one samples Wu-Tang Clan’s ‘Da Mystery of Chessboxin’. Breathe apparently became an anthem for Serbian youth in the 1990s, as The Prodigy were the first international act to perform in Belgrade after the break-up of Yugoslavia.
 
I always say it but The Prodigy were legit one of my fave ever live acts.
 
The calibre of Sam Fox singles sank quicker than her cleavage. I'd say she was totally exploited if she weren't such an unlikeable drunk cunt (those aren't my words, but her mother's).
 
Kimblee - a science project figuring out what Lisa Snowden with Dannii vocals would be like. Dannii's singing career in complete disarray at this point completely coincidental.
 
Dave Aude did very good Cher with You Haven't Seen the Last of Diane Warren.

THERE WILL BE NO FADE OUT:disco:

One of Cher's most ridiculous vocals.
 
THIRTEEN is considered an unlucky number by some, but try telling that to this lot. That’s how many points they got, and they’re over the moon. Except the dead one.

195

Whitney Houston – It’s Not Right But It’s OK (Thunderpuss remix)
1999, USA, No. 3 smash! Whitney won the Grammy award for her vocals on this. Barry Harris of Thunderpuss was previously part of Kon Kan, who had a song chucked out in the semis. Whitney died in 2012 yet, always willing to go the extra mile, found time in her final years to publicly humiliate Danyl Johnson when she was a guest mentor on the X-Factor.


194

La Bouche – Sweet Dreams

1994, Germany/USA, No 63 smash. ‘Be My Lover isn’t that fucking low, surely? What an outrage! Oh, wait, it’s Sweet Dreams. As you were.’

I have very little information on this one, other than that a remix with vocals by new lead singer Sophie Cairo was released in 2017.


193

Berri – Sunshine After the Rain
1994, UK, No. 4 smash in 1995! Berri is Rebecca Sleight from York. No word on whether @Indie knows her, but it’s hard to imagine that he doesn’t. This is a partial cover of a 1968 song by Ellie Greenwich, which I never knew. I did, however, know that it uses the hook from Donna Love’s ‘I Feel Summer.’


192

Clivillés and Cole – A Deeper Love
1991, USA, No 15 smash! This pair were also known as C+C Music Factory, who appear later in this list. David Cole died in 1995, which means the second C now stands for ‘corpse’. This was covered by Aretha Franklin for the Sister Act 2 soundtrack, which is a bit of a feather in their cap. I’ve still yet to find the acid house original of ‘If You Wanna Be Somebody…’.



191

Gouryella – Gouryella
1999, Netherlands, No 15 smash! Here’s Ferry Corsten again, this time with his great pal Tiesto. Gouryella means ‘heaven’ in Aboriginal Australian. ‘Viracocha’ is an Incan God, so I’m assuming there’s some sort of celestial theme running through Corsten’s countless aliases. This one had that video that was a bit racist, but the Dutch black up on the reg come Christmas so it was just another day at the office for them.


190

The Adventures of Stevie V – Dirty Cash (Money Talks)
1989, UK, No. 2 chart smash! Famously covered by Dizzee Rascal as ‘Dirtee Cash’. Dizzee had seventeen songs in the running for this rate, and not one of them qualified. Liberty X also covered this, bless them. Stevie V himself now teaches music technology at Bedford College which, while not exactly an adventure, is a stable income and therefore a reward in itself.


189

Tarkan – Şımarık
1997, Turkey, Didn’t chart in the UK! Şımarık means ‘spoilt’. In unrelated news, billionaire’s concubine Holly Valance covered this in 2002 to both launch and end her pop career. It was also covered by Stella Soleil, but she wasn’t on the Neighbours so nobody cares. Tarkan was forced to complete his compulsory military service after finishing his promotional tour for this, just like Elvis and every male Israeli contestant at Eurovision.

188

Benny Benassi – Love Is Gonna Save Us (ButterTart)
2003, Italy, No. 19 smash (in Belgium)! Released as Benny Benassi presents The Biz, the Biz being singers Paul French and Violeta. I was determined to get this fucker into the final by hook or by crook, and my determination and flagrant cheating has been rewarded with a relatively respectable final placing. Benny Benassi has worked with Chris Brown multiple times, but let’s not hold that against him.
 
Vocally, Kelly Llorenna is just a riot in her "recent" live gigs (they're probably a decade old). She would have done well to have fucked the fittie from Voodoo & Serano and maybe squeezed another 4 top 40s out of it.

I love Forever. I don't think the edit has a particular name, but the one used on the pink and purple coloured Clubland CD (it's the one I know Southern Sun from) has her saying "maybe we're all from another planet, maybe we're all insane" (sadly not "on E" for grim realism). The original, which sounds like a cheap demo in comparison does have a more interesting, vaguely Jam & Spoon feel to it.
 
Melanie Thornton was hugely underrated. I think their version of Where Do You go being undermined by No Mercy really put a stop to the project's momentum, but they clearly would have needed a remix to tart it up somewhat. Their albums had too much slush on them, but if you round up the good stuff and outtakes they really did deliver.
 
As for Berri, I need to track down their album again. Whigfield would have killed for it, not that it had any singles left on it. Just very consistent.
 
A trio of saucy Euro-bops scuttle back across the English channel with their haul of FOURTEEN points each.

187

Jinny – Keep Warm
1991, Italy, No 68 smash! Jinny are an Italian band, and not just some foreign bird who sings songs I’m ambivalent towards. The woman in the video for this is Carryl Varley who, in keeping with early 90s tradition, is lip syncing the vocals sampled from ‘Keep It Warm’ by Voices in the Dark and ‘Taking Him Off Your Hands’ by Mahogany Watkins.

186

Cappella – U Got 2 Know
1992, Italy, No. 6 smash! Here’s another one I expected better things from. U Got 2 Know was one of 8 singles released from one album by text-speak pioneers Cappella. The vocals are a sample from Ralphi Rosario’s ‘You Used To Hold Me’, which crashed out in the semi-finals. Samples Siouxie and the Banshees – Happy House, which gives me an excuse to post this:




185

Alice Deejay – Will I Ever
2000, Dutch, no. 7 smash! This got all of its points from @dmlaw and is the first of three Alice Deejay songs on this countdown. If I were ‘The Lonely One’, I’d feel quite slighted. The sultry vocals come from Judith Pronk, who has now retired from singing. I’d say I’ve scoured her discography and found no evidence that she ever started singing in the first place, but that would just be mean.
 
FIFTEEN points each, you say? Well, I must have stumbled into the ambassador’s reception, because this lot are really being spoiled.

184

Todd Terry feat. Martha Wash & Jocelyn Brown – Something Goin’ On (In Your Soul)
1997, USA, No. 5 smash! American DJ assembled the gayest collection of singers he could find at short notice for this house anthem. None of these three are dead, which is something of a triumph. Terry sampled his own track ‘The Preacher’ in this, and was formerly part of Masters at Work, who were responsible for this BANGER:



183

Sonique – It Feels So Good

1998, UK, No. 1 smash in 2000! Now HERE’S a shocker – poor, brave Sonique slithering in at a lowly 183. If ‘Sky’ was here to hoover up all of her votes, I’d understand how it all went so wrong… This was the third biggest-selling single of 2000, and it even won a prestigious BRIT award. Sonique was Sonia Clarke, in Crouch End. Apparently, her first top 40 single was ‘Let Me Hold You’ in 1985!

182

French Affair – My Heart Goes Boom (La Di Da Da)

2000, Germany/France, No. 44 smash! I had always assumed this pro-arrhythmia anthem was more beloved and famous than it apparently is. I have fond memories of Majorca 2000 whenever I hear this – mostly listening to it on CD while I was on a bus tour, but we all get our rocks off in different way. Vocalist Barbara Alcindor is a former fashion model, and she’s available for bookings via Starnow.

https://www.starnow.co.uk/barbaralcindor

181

The Shamen – Ebeneezer Goode
1992. UK. No. 1 smash! Aberdeen’s own The Shamen are the great enigma of Dance Rate 2020 – the elusive meaning behind those subtle, nuanced lyrics is a subject of academic conjecture to this day. It sampled ‘Good Old Music’ by Funkadelic, and the ‘great philosopher’ spoken word bit at the start is Malcolm McDowell in O Lucky Man. This was withdrawn from sale while still at number one.


180

Ariana Grande ft. Zedd – Break Free
2014, US/Russia/Germany, No 16 smash! The embryonic Zedd strikes again, this time with Frankie Grande’s daughter, Ariana. With this sultry gem, Ariana Grande became only the second female artist to hold three simultaneous positions in the Billboard top 10 (alongside Bang Bang and Problem). Fun fact: Zedd is THIRTY but looks like he’d struggle to get served Ribena without ID.

179

Space Brothers – Forgiven (I Feel Your Love)
1997, UK, No 27 smash. The first of two outings from the Space Brothers on this list, unless you count their alter-ego Ascension. Further alter-egos Chakra and Lustral failed to make the cut. @dmlaw’s daughter Joanna Law provides the vocals here.
 
Omg my sole nomination still in :disco:

And how did Ariana even reach the Top 200/even qualify? :D
 
SIXTEEN points apiece for this rabble. Having sixteen points in your back pocket is almost unfathomable to minimum wage drones such as ourselves. How this lot have managed to stay so grounded is entirely beyond me.

178

Roger Sanchez – Another Chance
2001, USA, No 1 smash! Well fuck me in the face, this is an absolute TRAVESTY. If the girl in the video weren’t almost certainly murdered years ago, her heart would be fucking tiny after seeing this miserable placing. Sanchez, a Grammy winning producer, sampled ‘I Won’t Hold You Back’ by Toto to produce this masterpiece. The Afterlife Mix of this is a spine-tingling apres-club classic.


177

2 Unlimited – Get Ready For This

1991, Netherlands, No. 2 smash! The first 2 Unlimited track to fall. Pete Waterman got his grubby mitts on this prior to its release in the UK, and he was responsible for editing in the ‘y’all ready for this’ line, which was sampled from The DOC’s ‘It’s Funky Enough’. Think (About It) by Lyn Collins is also sampled.

176

PPK – ResuRection
2001, Russia, No. 3 smash! This one is a reworking of ‘The Theme From Siberiade’ by Eduard Artemyev, but I didn’t need to tell you that. PPK were the first Russian act to ever enter the UK chart, which doesn’t sound right but I daren’t argue with Wikipedia. Roman Korzhov (The K of PPK) died in 2016 from the cancer.


175

Agnelli & Nelson – Everyday

1999, UK, No. 17 smash! Another trance anthem getting short shrift from the navel gazers of Moopy, this was released outside the UK as Every Day, Every Moment, Every Time. Agnelli & Nelso are both from Northern Ireland, while vocalist Laura Campbell comes from Westhoughton in Bolton, where my best mate lives.


174

Scooter – Ramp! (The Logical Song)
2001, Germany, No 2 smash in 2002! Scooter’s highest charting single in the UK (and there have been a LOT), is this demure, baroque cover of Superlogical’s ‘The Tramp Song’. Germany’s most successful act, having sold over 30 million records. Sadly, I’ve discovered H.P Baxxter used to live in Birmingham. Thoughts and prayers ☹


173

Shakedown – At Night
2002, Switzerland, No. 6 smash! Shakedown are our only Swiss representatives on this list. I assume it’s because producing music veers dangerously close to expressing an opinion, and they’re not about that shit. Terra Deva is the vocalist here, and she used to be on The Mickey Mouse Club so you know she’s good at the singing. This is such a Summer jam for me. Fucking love it.


172


The Chemical Brothers – Hey Boy Hey Girl
1999, UK, No 3 smash! Hey Boy Hey Girl (what’s a-matter with you, girls just wanna have fun now) is the second Chemical Brothers track to make the cut. David Guetta released a remake this year called ‘Superstar DJ’, which I assume is him keeping it real. HOT SAMPLE CHAT: ‘The Roof Is On Fire’ by Rock Master Scott and the Dynamic Three, and Joeski Love’s ‘Pee-Wee’s Dance’


171

Karen Ramirez – Looking For Love
1998, UK, No 8 smash! Look, it’s pleasant enough, but so are scatter cushions and I wouldn’t vote them into the top 200 of a dance rate. It’s like going to a strip club and getting a dance from the one whose cardie is buttoned up to her eyebrows. This WILDLY popular cover of Everything But the Girl was one of two forays into the top 40 for Karen Ramirez.
 
It Feels So Good at no.183 is a shock. It did sound quite fresh at the time but I don’t think time has been kind.
 
Another Chance being so low is why rating works BETTER!

YOU ARE ALL DISGUSTING.
 
I think that was as close as they came to a hit. It is what is and not bad at all.
 
S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SEVENTEEN, as the lyrics to Paul Hardcastle’s ‘19’ famously go. Perhaps he wrote it about the number of points lavished upon these lucky beggars.

170

Armand Van Helden feat. Duane Harden – You Don’t Know Me (Rita)
1999, USA/Germany, No. 1 smash! Super het icon Armand Van Helden will be turning up a few times throughout this rate. Here, he samples Carrie Lucas’s ‘Dance With You’ and Jaydee’s ‘Plastic Dreams’. The hilariously named Duane Hard On hasn’t done much of anything since this.


169

Kelly Rowland – Work (Freemasons mix)
2008, USA, No. 4 smash! The lowest of Not!Beyonce’s three entries on this list. The Freemasons were approached to rework this track in order to appeal to the dance/pop dominated European market. Naturally, they went Bhangra with it, and consider it their favourite remix. It was never released in the USA, presumably because David Guetta and Usher hadn’t invented Eedeeyem yet.


168

USURA – Open Your Mind
1993, Italy, No. 7 smash! A whole big shart of information coming your way, big fact hunters. This track samples: Simple Minds – New Gold Dream; Ashford & Simpson – Solid (As a Cock); Rockers Revenge – Acappella Sunshine, and the movie Total Recall. The morphing faces in the video are Ronald Reagan, Benito Mussolini, Joseph Stalin, Ian Paisley, Margaret Thatcher, Richard Nixon, Mary Whitehouse and Joe McCarthy. I’m spent, are you?


167
Kate Ryan – Désenchantée

2002, Belgium, No. 92 smash! There must be something amiss with her mic, because I can’t make out a fucking word she’s saying. This is a cover of a 1991 song by Mylene Farmer, who doesn’t exist outside of Moopy pop threads. Four years after this, Kate enjoyed stellar success in Eurovision, where she’ll be forever remembered as a vocalist who performed a song.


166


Fragma feat. Maria Rubia – Everytime You Need Me
2001, Germany/UK, No. 3 smash! Fragma are a five-piece trance collective from Germany, forever hailed as folk heroes by Moopy for so thoroughly pissing off Sue Brice off. She doesn’t make an appearance here, mercifully. Maria Rubia is on vocal duties and, despite the exotic name, she hails from Norwich. This was remade in 2011, to no great effect.


165
Black Legend – You See The Trouble With Me

2000, Italy, No. 1 smash! This originally sampled a live Barry White performance but, inevitably, they were refused permission to use it on the commercial release, so the vocals were re-recorded by ‘Spoonface’ (If that even is his real name). If they’d have just held out for three more years, White would have been dead and unable to object. This was 40th best-selling single of 2000, and one I’ve really fallen back in love with because of this rate. What a wholesome story.
 
Fragma feat. Maria Rubia – Everytime You Need Me
2001, Germany/UK, No. 3 smash! Fragma are a five-piece trance collective from Germany, forever hailed as folk heroes by Moopy for so thoroughly pissing off Sue Brice off. She doesn’t make an appearance here, mercifully. Maria Rubia is on vocal duties and, despite the exotic name, she hails from Norwich. This was remade in 2011, to no great effect.

Fun fact: Maria Rubia is brunette now but will go any colour for the right job.
 

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