POISON PEN'S COFFEE MORNING (10am)

[Penelope]

HI GIRLS!

Anyway seeing as that awful @Suomi cancelled her coffee morning I thought I'd step in and host my own, partly as a power move but also to remind you all how saintly and infinitely better a person and hostess I am

Anyway today we will be discussing liars

 

[Penelope]

I'm just going to the shop to get biscuits now. Hope nothing dramatic happens in the thread in the meantime

 

[Lucille]

Well it’s quite short notice, hopefully I have a blouse ironed.

 

[lolly]

Wait a minute, are we being asked to decide who is a better person out of a choice of THOSE TWO ?

 

[lolly]

Well it’s quite short notice, hopefully I have a blouse ironed.

That's the beauty of polyester.

 

[jivafox]

 

[Zu]

This is all very well but I’he already eaten those two delicious toffee Yum Yums so I’l just have to spend this exciting event sky high on Nescafé and JPS Superkings

 

[lolly]

Oh go on Zu, crack open the laudanum

 

[Zu]

Well it’s quite short notice, hopefully I have a blouse ironed.

NO ENTRY if it’s not TRANSLUCENT

 

[Zu]

I am famously expert at detecting lies so will be offering many ASSISTFUL TIPS

 

[Zu]

I'm just going to the shop to get biscuits now. Hope nothing dramatic happens in the thread in the meantime

Oh PEN there’s a FALLEN LADY

 

[Eddie]

I could do with a nice freshly baked (though barely warm) croissant right about now to enjoy with my pour over.

Or an almond croissant.


Mmmmmmmm.

 

[Zu]

I hope @Penelope will be serving up FOX’S and not some staling old NOB NOBS

 

[dUb]

LIARS eh? I've told a couple of lies in my time but they really eat away at me so I try not to

It comes RATHER EASILY to some doesn't it

 

[ButterTart]

My coffee tastes a bit weird. Almost like Bisto.

 

[Zu]

My coffee tastes a bit weird. Almost like Bisto.

That’s instant for you

 

[Eddie]

That’s instant for you

FILTH

 

[Zu]

I hope no-one minds me having a little snack to keep the diabetes at bay

 

[Eddie]

Fess up: who's drinking BOVRIL?

 

[Zu]

Fess up: who's drinking BOVRIL?

If I see any of you bitches drinking Oxo, I’ll know who‘s been in my handbag

 

[Lucille]

I LOVE WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH THE PLACE PENELOPE. The dead (?) homeless guy in the corner is especially chic.

 

[Beverley]

WHO ATE MY DOUGHNUTS

 

[Zu]

I LOVE WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH THE PLACE PENELOPE. The dead (?) homeless guy in the corner is especially chic.

And who knew she had such a charming set of ceramics?

 

[Soldi]

What the fuck

 

[Soldi]

I’m hungover and want to die and can’t make coffee because there’s a randomer asleep on the kitchen floor

 

[Penelope]

HI LOVES!

Anyway, I've splashed out on some VERY expensive Sainsbury's Basics Digestives for you all - I'll be expecting contributions from everyone at the end! - and before we move onto the main topic of the morning (the concept of evil), maybe it'd be nice for us to each go around and introduce ourselves? I think I recognise some of you anyway from the Neighbourhood Watch meetings where we all decided to fumigate @Nancy, but NICE TO REMIND EACH OTHER of our names ANYWAY

 

[Zu]

WHO ATE MY DOUGHNUTS

The fingers on @Eddie look a bit jammy but don‘t say I told you

 

[Penelope]

That’s instant for you

HOW DARE YOU IT'S FRESHLY GROUND (AZERA INSTANT)

 

[lolly]

OXO with HOT MILK for ME, PLEASE MOTHER

with perhaps a GARIBALDI

 

[Eddie]

I'll politely decline the digestives, thanks.

 

[Eddie]

The fingers on @Eddie look a bit jammy but don‘t say I told you

Not. Jam.

 

[Beverley]

Not. Jam.

THESE WERE PUMPKIN SPICE CUSTARD

 

[AGinAg (37)]

You fancies a game of CAKE ROULETTE?

 

[lolly]

 

[Zu]

HI EVERYONE I‘M ZU. Fifth on the Likes chart with that awful @Lucille in front of me so I think a certain someone should make sure I don‘t execute an accidental slip, trip or fall when we all get up for a dance on the pole in half an hour

 

[Eddie]

I'll have a financier thank you very much.

 

[jivafox]

How many of those have you had, @Zu-Klara?

 

[Lucille]

How about a game of SOGGY BISCUIT?

 

[Eddie]

Or a madeleine.

 

[Penelope]

Sorry love, cappuccino's off. Instant Americano only. Maybe hold the Americano