My top 32 favourite Real Housewives of ALL TIME: room for MORE?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA said:
I think Lisa still feels relatively sane in the first two episodes, but boy does she SPIRAL! :disco:
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I know that she's PURE EVIL, but Lisa is just SO WATCHABLE :D



"She's a LONELY OLD BAT living in a CRAPPY RENTED APARTMENT...I thought it was a BACKPACKERS she was living in on Bondi..." :D :D
 
The scene while she sips champagne by the edge of a pool, looking on at her crying kid with utter disdain before calling him a dickhead and sending him off with the nanny. :D Then when her husband suggests another baby, "No way, not after Bertie". And then proposing to send him off to fight ISIS or something!!

Turning up in black to the white party :D

And I'm only two episodes in!
 
Tisch said:
Two episodes into Sydney and what an absolute CACOPHONY. They all absolutely HATE each other and I have a headache. I am totally team Athena X despite her being the root cause of all the HATRED :D, when the only nice one is Plant Pot Melissa you know there's a casting issue!

I had to come into this thread and see if @AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA had done any write-ups for any of the cast so was thrilled to see there are three! Then absolutely squealed with delighted at the bonus Matty write-up as well.

"WHOooAREYOOUCALLINGFAHHKKKE" 👁️👄👁️
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Oh Sydney is not as instantly gratifying as Melbourne due to so many cunts but so worth sticking with. Matty probably my favourite in the end
 
I've still never watched any of these shows, but I'm actually writing a round on it for a pub quiz right now so doing a bit of research. (It was a request from one of my regular teams)

How did this thread go for 32 pages without one single mention of the fact that there was a series that got cancelled after one of the cast members BROKE INTO THE WHITE HOUSE :D !!!
 
VoR said:
I've still never watched any of these shows, but I'm actually writing a round on it for a pub quiz right now so doing a bit of research. (It was a request from one of my regular teams)

How did this thread go for 32 pages without one single mention of the fact that there was a series that got cancelled after one of the cast members BROKE INTO THE WHITE HOUSE :D !!!
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Jill to Trump:

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@VoR's Housewives journey - despite allegedly having never watched a second of any show - remains one of the most heart-warming moopy storylines of recent history :disco:
It's no surprise to see VoR bump this topic. Despite canonically not being a Housewives fan, in reality she just can't get ENOUGH!

Well - spoiler alert - next season we are possibly looking at three new Housewives write ups being added to this thread :shock:
Without revealing TOO MUCH, I can reveal it's currently looking like two OC entries, and one from BEVERLY HILLS!
 
Also I swear queen @Will and myself thrashed out the Real Housewives of DC in a thread somewhere, although it may not be this one. The Salahi's White House GATECRASH remains one of the most batshit things to ever happen on any Housewives franchise :disco:

It's really WELL WORTH a quick 10 episode watch for any Hayu queens with a taste for the LUDICROUS :disco:
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA said:
@VoR's Housewives journey - despite allegedly having never watched a second of any show - remains one of the most heart-warming moopy storylines of recent history :disco:
It's no surprise to see VoR bump this topic. Despite canonically not being a Housewives fan, in reality she just can't get ENOUGH!

Well - spoiler alert - next season we are possibly looking at three new Housewives write ups being added to this thread :shock:
Without revealing TOO MUCH, I can reveal it's currently looking like two OC entries, and one from BEVERLY HILLS!
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It's all down to your writing, honestly! I know I sound like I protest too much, but I genuinely find actually watching all that screaming and bad reality TV acting far too stressful, so I much prefer to imagine it's just incredible gay fan fiction that you're writing. :D
 
Anyway if anyone's interested, this was the Real Housewives pub quiz round I wrote. I tried to make it somewhat guessable as it was predictably not a popular round outside of the one team of gays who requested it. :D

  1. Which English county is the setting for the UK’s edition of the Real Housewives franchise?
  2. Which Real Housewives of Atlanta star had a top ten hit in 2000 with Don’t Think I’m Not?
  3. Before joining the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills, actress Denise Richards was perhaps best known for playing Doctor Christmas Jones in which James Bond movie?
  4. The short-lived Real Housewives of DC was cancelled abruptly in 2010, after cast member Michaele Salahi hit the headlines worldwide for doing what?
  5. Which of these is not the title of an official Real Housewives series? The Real Housewives of Bangkok, The Real Housewives of Nairobi, The Real Housewives of Rejkjavik or The Real Housewives of Slovenia?
 
I've always dreamed of having Christmas in Turkey 🦃

I hope the gay team didn't try and be clever by pointing out that there are now two UK franchises :shock: And if they did, just tell them Jersey isn't a real country anyway then get them BARRED.
 
VoR said:
  1. Which English county is the setting for the UK’s edition of the Real Housewives franchise?
  2. Which Real Housewives of Atlanta star had a top ten hit in 2000 with Don’t Think I’m Not?
  3. Before joining the cast of The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills, actress Denise Richards was perhaps best known for playing Doctor Christmas Jones in which James Bond movie?
  4. The short-lived Real Housewives of DC was cancelled abruptly in 2010, after cast member Michaele Salahi hit the headlines worldwide for doing what?
  5. Which of these is not the title of an official Real Housewives series? The Real Housewives of Bangkok, The Real Housewives of Nairobi, The Real Housewives of Rejkjavik or The Real Housewives of Slovenia?
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The Real Housewives of Rejkjavik would be so essential :D VERY (almost horizontally) STRAIGHT TALKING, and gobbling alcohol as if it was WATER!
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Question three I have absolutely NO IDEA ABOUT! Imagine flopping a Real Housewives QUIZ having scribed a thread like this :SarahSideEye:
 
and yes, I can't imagine queen VoR enjoying any of the American franchise for reasons stated above, but the pure unadulterated camp of Lydia, Gina, Gamble, Janet and Pettifleur from Melbourne are SURELY right up her ALLEYWAY!

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:disco:
 
If I see VoR i’ll obviously only have limited time so it’s best I get him wired up to Auckland as that is all killer, no filler, and I think one of the best standalone one-series shows of all time
 
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA said:
Also I swear queen @Will and myself thrashed out the Real Housewives of DC in a thread somewhere, although it may not be this one. The Salahi's White House GATECRASH remains one of the most batshit things to ever happen on any Housewives franchise :disco:

It's really WELL WORTH a quick 10 episode watch for any Hayu queens with a taste for the LUDICROUS :disco:
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Not enough of a thrashing out, if I recall correctly. It deserves so much more. I need to go back and have a second watch of it, even though I only watched it for the first time last year.
 
I DO HOPE you will forgive the indulgence, but I thought it might be QUITE FUN to delve into some of the Housewives that didn't make it into this line up and have a bit of a blather about them TOO!
There's certainly some big names in the Housewives universe that didn't make my countdown that are well worth discussion...

Starting with:
BONUS WRITE UP: Shannon Storms Beador - The Real Housewives of OC
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There are VERY few Housewives additions relatively late into the run of a franchise that become mainstays of the show.
Dorinda in New York is probably the most obvious success story (joined in season 7), you could make an argument for Erika Jayne in Beverley Hills also - but generally the rule seems to be that the later you join a show, the more likely to be a dreaded ONE AND DONE Housewife you are.

Shannon joined the OC at season NINE, and somehow effortlessly blended into the cast so perfectly it felt like she had always been there.
Joining the OC cast is also noticeably one of the most difficult to hold your own in - it has the most ONE SEASON WONDER Housewives of any franchise, considerably more than any other city. OC was infamous for making newbies feel unwelcome, usually via a gang up led by OG harridan Vicki Gunvalson.

I honestly don't know WHY Shannon joined the OC :D She's not an obvious candidate to seek fame and at the time of her being cast she was independently wealthy, so much so that she didn't really need to do reality tv. She was also trying to navigate an obviously crumbing (and abusive) marriage, that seemed to be hitting its WORST MOMENT just as the tv cameras started rolling. Was reality tv a cry for help?

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Shannon had a DYNAMITE debut season on OC. I'd probably class it as the best first season a Housewife ever had. It was a total rollercoaster of neurotic insanity, a disintegrating marriage, fascinating cast dynamics and an alleged PSYCHOTIC BREAK.
It was so much lightning-in-a-bottle she's basically never been able to live up to it on any season following, but such a compelling entrance made her an immediate part of the OC furniture - so much so she basically INHERITED her current spot as the franchise lead once Vicki and Tamra were sent packing at the end of season 14. Shannon isn't an obvious lead character however, often it feels like she's struggling to be the lead character in HER OWN LIFE!

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Shannon is introduced as a quirky character, She's married to David Beador, who made his fortune constructing roads in California, with Shannon herself coming from a wealthy background. They are VERY MUCH the classic OC couple that the show initially looked to cast in the first place.
Probably a little WRONG for me to admit, but I've always kind of fancied David. There's something a bit AMERICAN PSYCHO about him. Truly a dreadful, evil man but I'd probably hit it for one night only :eyes:
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Shannon and David's marriage is over before the camera even starts rolling, let's be honest. David is TOTALLY checked out and clearly having multiple affairs. The only reason he still seems to be with Shannon is because they have two young daughters, and it's probably just EASIER for him at this point than leave.

Shannon is also wildly, WILDLY neurotic, and into all kinds of new age HOCUS POCUS and "holistic therapies". Within her first episodes we are introduced to local quack DR MOON who's entire income appears to be diagnosing Shannon with all sorts of mumbo jumbo and prescribing her snake oil to "cure" it :D

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She sort of reminds me of Julianne Moore's character in the film Safe, but on lemon-powered STEROIDS. A notable moment in the first few episodes is Shannon declaring she ALWAYS keeps 9 lemons in a bowl at all times because it creates GOOD ENERGY :eyes:

Shannon's belief in alternative medicine extends to her shitpig of a marriage, resulting in a truly infamous scene where she decides to stage a "funeral" for her marriage with David, to enable them to move forward :D This scene is a total MESS. It's as sad as it is hilarious, and that it's played entirely straight-faced without a single wink towards the camera just makes the whole situation feel even CAMPER.
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How, HOW did this get filmed in the first place :D How did David agree to it? Bananas.

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Unusually for the show, Shannon instantly bonds with Vicki and Tamra and is accepted into their group fairly immediately - later going on to form an OC clique called "The Tres Amigas" which AT TIMES does feel like Shannon is forced to play along rather than being an active fully-pledged participant.

Master manipulator Heather Dubrow however sets herself up as Shannon's ARCH NEMESIS from the off, despite being aware of all the mess that is going on in Shannon's life at the time. I LOVE the Heather vs Shannon feud. It takes the two supporting members of the main cast together and bonds them into a compelling storyline of their own making.
Heather clearly picks up on Shannon's multiple neurosis IMMEDIATELY, and then proceeds to point blank gaslight Shannon at every opportunity she gets.

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The first evidence of Heather's gaslighting is at a dinner party, where Heather goes out of her way to confuse Shannon about which chair she was sitting in after Shannon comes back from the toilet. It's a bizarre bit of tv, and really shows Heather's URGE to have control over people - and Shannon is seen truly second-guessing herself as a result of the encounter.

The MAJOR moment of Shannon's debut season however is her alleged "psychotic break", again entirely declared and engineered by Heather Dubrow.



At a dinner, Tamra spreads a rumour that Heather's husband Terry Dubrow wants to "TAKE THE BEADORS DOWN!!" (:D) which Tamra then instantly denies when the situation escalates, leaving Shannon to rant and rave - ultimately making her look like she has a bit of a screw lose. To his begrudging credit, David Beador does back Shannon up in this situation, but it is ultimately a rather CRUEL moment Shannon finds herself in, especially in a room full of people with TV cameras rolling. You can see this in the clip above which jumps in RIGHT into the action from the start :disco:

I still don't understand why ANYBODY would plot to "take the Beadors down", but it does admittedly make a very entertaining TV moment.
Things escalate, Shannon gets VERY UPSET and storms out of the dinner screeching this immortal line :disco:

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<towards the end of the clip below>


Which then leads Heather to mutter the IMMORTAL WORDS that I can't believe she didn't get sacked over:
"Terry do you think we need to call an ambulance? I think she's having a PSYCHOTIC BREAK!"

<2.23 onwards>


TEXTBOOK gaslighting from Heather and Tamra, yet oh so delicious to watch as a viewer.
This really is from the time when Housewives truly did feel truly REAL. This really did feel like a glimpse into the murky dinner parties of the sad, bored and married OC residents, and Shannon's emotional state is clearly completely genuine and not put on for the camera.

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As if this KICKING from Dubrow wasn't enough, there's another particularly HARROWING scene from season 9 where Shannon goes to make peace with Heather at Heather's house, only to be BOOTED OUT and forced to leave in the bluntest way possible. I cannot believe Shannon ever spoke to Heather again after this happened :D

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Even more humiliating for Shannon is this exact scenario happened AGAIN upon Heather's recent OC return in season 16, where Shannon again got BOOTED OUT of Heather's doomed sushi party.

The Dubrow/Beador feud did seem to calm towards the end of the most recent run in season 16, but not before Heather seemed to invoke the spirt of the Godfather, as she once again PATRONISED and slung a bunch of SHIT PIE at Shannon with this typically nasty Dubrow moment -
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I can't even remember what Shannon did to deserve that :D Is Heather threatening to KILL HER??

Moving away from season 9, Shannon's poisoned marriage obviously disintegrated (with Shannon receiving a PATHETIC divorce settlement in the process), and she slowly evolved on the show to form a neurotic, but fun matronly sort of character. I'm not sure if she's canonically the oldest Housewife currently in employment by the show, but she certainly feels like it to me (not a bad thing!).
She's extremely SHRILL and often quite annoying - but generally well-loved by the OC fanbase.
Interesting to note that OC tends to trend with an older, whiter, more female audience base than a lot of the other cities, and her Instagram comments are FULL of women who want to be JUST LIKE Shannon who clearly all adore her.
Shannon's also relatively dignified for a Housewife on social media, rarely engaging in drama and generally keeping her political views out of the public realm (she's definitely a Republican, but at least has the sense to not SAY IT!).

One of my favourite Shannon moments of recent times actually happened OFF the show. It was when she went on QVC to try and flog her DISGUSTING looking FISH-BASED microwave meals. Anybody for a plate of MICROWAVED FLOUNDER?? Even Shannon herself can't seem to hide how disgusting these meals are when attempting to flog them :D


WHY did Shannon not make the top 32 list? As alluded to above, she peaked too early. Season 9 Shannon is in a total realm of her own as a Housewife, and she's never quite managed to reach the same highs since. She's still an enjoyable, zany and neurotic addition to the franchise however - and you're never quite sure if another meltdown is round the corner or NOT, so I can see why she's basically got a job secure for however long the OC lasts on air. I do think if Shannon were to leave they'd just axe the whole thing now.

Couple more Shannon bits -
- It's seriously alleged many times on the show that Shannon is a hardcore alcoholic, in a much darker way than the word is banded around on other franchises. She seems to mainly drink STRAIGHT VODKA which is potentially a little concerning. I think Tamra once tried to spread a rumour that Shannon neglects her children as she spends all night awake drinking alone :wired:
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- A memorable non-season 9 moment is the RESTAURANT FIGHT with infamous creature of chaos Kelly Dodd
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Shannon vs Kelly actually sprung up quite a few memorable SHOW MOMENTS, but they are generally more about Kelly Dodd than Shannon, so I will perhaps save discussion of those for another day :angel:

For anybody OC-curious, I would certainly recommend season 9 as an ideal spot to JUMP IN. There's a lot of good stuff that comes before, but season 9 is a fairly bulletproof season that then slides into the sheer CHOAS of Vicki's cancer scam and fallout in seasons 10&11 :disco:

It's quite telling that Shannon's best of is titled "ZANIEST" moments. Enjoy!
 
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