Edinburgh's Top 15 jokes 2024

[funky]

Which ones do you like?




1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons

2. I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it. - Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth

12. I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply. - Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people - Olga Koch

 

[funky]

Some of these are very much "you had to be there" but 9 made me chuckle

 

[Joseph]

7 made me giggle

 

[octophone]

Yeah, only one in there I didn't think much of and I think that's because I've heard it before (no 9).

 

[ZenGiraffe]

Yeah, only one in there I didn't think much of and I think that's because I've heard it before (no 9).

I swear a version of 9 won the joke of the year a little while back

 

[dUb]

There's so much left out in terms of delivery when they're just PLONKED on a list but I enjoyed 2, 4, 6, 11 and 12. Especially 11.

 

[octophone]

Keyworth has a better joke about explaining being non-binary to people: "If I'd been on the Titanic, I'd have been allowed onto the lifeboat but I'd have been expected to row".

 

[disneyteletubby]

I think 11 is funniest, also quite like 4 ️

 

[big ron]

My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes

This is my kind of one liner.

 

[Penelope]

These are almost all dreadful with the exception of getting your tits out at Spoons.