1,001 ways the Olympics should be improved for LA 2028

[octophone]

38.

Compulsory drunkenness.

 

[octophone]

"Oh, so you're good at the javelin, eh? Let's see how good you are after 6 Michelob and half a bottle of Smirnoff".

 

[funky]

39. The sand in volleyball to be replaced with cocaine

 

[Madison]

40. Freestyle wrestling replaced by a Royal Rumble.

 

[octophone]

41.

"Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped" as an event.

 

[Kratz]

42. All medals to be presented by the Princess Royal.

 

[Madison]

43. Winning horses to be given gold medals and the right to eat any of the losing horses.

 

[octophone]

44.

Synchronised rimming.

 

[Kratz]

44.

Synchronised rimming.

45. With Bukkake as the Repechage Round

 

[dmlaw]

46. The introduction of the modern tetrakaidecathlon, featuring fencing, swimming, skateboarding, weightlifting, shooting, climbing, luge, mountain biking, canoe slalom, dressage, volleyball, competitive basket weaving, archery and running.

 

[Indie]

47. To commemorate the number of silver medals we keep winning, Team GB to be renamed Team SB

 

[Kratz]

48. Gaby Logan to be locked in a fridge for two weeks

 

[Indie]

49. Landmine football.

 

[Marina Salty]

50. Introduce race runway walking

 

[AGinAg (37)]

51. Speed Russian Roulette

 

[Inner Smile]

1001 is a bit much

 

[AGinAg (37)]

52. Contribute or don't say anything.

 

[Inner Smile]

53. STFU

 

[Inner Smile]

54.

 

[Inner Smile]

55. More Tom Daley's bum, but not Tom Daley

 

[octophone]

56.

Soggy biscuit. The Oxbridge toffs will ACE that.

 

[octophone]

57.

Who Can Pee The Highest.

 

[funky]

54.

Well that lasted all of an hour.

 

[octophone]

58.

Pedo Hunting.

 

[Soldi]

59. The medal table is ordered in the total number won.

 

[octophone]

60.

Fencing but with bits of fence.

 

[Inner Smile]

Well that lasted all of an hour.

Read above

 

[dmlaw]

61. Turn the opening ceremony into a dance endurance contest whereby it keeps going until the last performer collapses from exhaustion.

 

[Madison]

Read above

Please don’t do this.

 

[Madison]

62. 200m/800m/Speed climbing/diving relay

 

[VoR]

63. Replace all of the competitors with adorable puppies.

 

[funky]

59. The medal table is order in the total number won.

WASH YOUR DIRTY MOUTH OUT!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

64. 1m relay.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

65. War Games. Nations are permitted to simulate acts of war against one another.

 

[funky]

66. Only allow people with massive penises to participate in the men’s pole vault.

Women to wear strap ons.

 

[Madison]

65. War Games. Nations are permitted to simulate acts of war against one another.

The only way to win is not to play

 

[Inner Smile]

Has anyone jumped off the 10m diving board, is it that bad

 

[VoR]

67. Force all of the competitors to wear wigs.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

67. All Summer Olympic events to be performed on ice.

 

[Soldi]

1001 is a bit much

We’ve got four years to finish it.