ZenGiraffe
Panini S.p.a.
After a great deal of thought and self-reflection, I have decided that this process is missing a serious candidate, one capable of REAL LEADERSHIP, and worthy of elected office that will exercise their duties in good faith and without any goopery, nor any gaggery. Moopy, I am that candidate.
Now I know what you may say. “Oh ZenGiraffe, you have only been here 5 months. You don’t have the experience, grit, or resolve to take such a prestigious role on.” And to that, I say this. I am Mx. COB. That means, as a member of the COB dynasty, I deserve this. Indeed, I would go further to say that I am entitled to it. I can only assume this vote is a formality but still, process must appear to be followed.
Some of my competitors have transformed this “election” into a farce, designed only to stroke their egos and make cheap jokes at each other’s expense. This is not acceptable, and it risks dragging Moopy back to a darker time. One only needs to dip a toe into Moopy Gold to see how much things have changed, and I am the progressive voice who will resist any degeneration into the Moopy of Gold.
For we are no longer the Moopy of fat shaming Whitney Houston. We are the Moopy of celebrating her legacy.
We are no longer the Moopy of backstabbing with anonymous tags. We are the Moopy of front stabbing with public posts.
We are no longer the Moopy of @Agnetha. We are the Moopy of @Ag.
But rhetoric alone is not enough. Moopy needs a plan, so allow me to unveil just some of the goals for my time in office. A minifesto if you like.
- Community Underwritten New Thread Syndicate: Our daily threads have descended into chaos, so instead of leaving control in the hands of the privileged few, new daily threads will instead be nationalised and approved by a central Moopy committee with input from ALL our members.
- Tighter regulation of guitars in ASFM contests: Detailed rules on when a guitar can be used in any Moopy song contest will be implemented, to prevent another "Alestorm Incident"
- Quality Quinceañeras: New members, upon their 15th post, will receive a cameo from your fave and mine, Rani Rodriguez, paid for from the Moopy budget (Estimated cost, 20 pence per Cameo)
- Universal Basic Incum : Each month, a bespoke video from @vespertine will be deposited directly into each members inbox, no questions asked.
I am the candidate we can all look up to.


