ASFM: Anti-Valentine STATION ANNOUNCEMENT Tonight - 1828 departure

Listening to my entry, blocking out all the h8ers

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First class upgrades are available for a small fee, but do be aware that Rita has already claimed the compartment as her own and will be a bottle and a half deep by the time she gets on.
 
I discovered a while back that taking a train with a wheelchair user gets you upgraded to First Class.

You get free biscuits and bottles of water.
 
Welcome to this 18:28 Moopyrail service to [REDACTED]. Calling at [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED]... *muffled noises*... Sorry, that was just funky asking if he could shovel the coal in. THIS IS NOT A STEAM TRAIN SIR
 
Welcome to this 18:28 Moopyrail service to [REDACTED]. Calling at [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED]... *muffled noises*... Sorry, that was just funky asking if he could shovel the coal in. THIS IS NOT A STEAM TRAIN SIR
Excuse me, conductress, I’m trying to get to Redacted, does this train stop there?
 

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