Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini caught SMOKING WHILE PREGNANT

Heidi Range launches missiles at Nicola Roberts following row over ugg boots.
 
Kimba Walsh to apologise live on screen on behalf of Cherly. Recording to happen in Asda car park, Bradford during Mondays episode of The One Show hosted solely by Lauren Laverne. and Roman Kemp.
 
Kimba's mid-range moment was called off. Tesco had an offer on cinnamon bagels and she can't tell how she felt, mainly because her mouth was full of bagel, but she did post a Instagram story letting Lauren know that she got her a packet too and still had half of it left. Lauren DM'd her to say "hey, don't falter, it's only Sunday you daft cow and Monday is still on", but Kimba had went back out to get Philadelphia (the cheese not the movie), sticky bagel hands gripped to the wheel, and no one's heard from her since. "That's just what she's like" said Nicola in a tone more flat than the week 2 sales of Like U Like.
 
Letitia Dean and Paul J. Medford sell off their sex slave Jenny Frost to the lowest bidder.
 
Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini DRAMATICALLY REVEALS that her act of smoking while pregnant was in fact AMBUSH VIRAL PROMOTION for her new single 'Smoking While Pregnant' (on TIDAL OUT NOW)
 
Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini DISPROVES CRITICS after HOT NEW SINGLE 'Smoking While Pregnant' debuts at #1 in the HOT POP CHARTS
 
Here's that latest chart rundown

01 NE Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini - Smoking While Pregnant
02 01 Tased Twatlips - Egyptian Homosexual
03 NE Lewis Capaldi - The Lewis Capaldi Song (version 27)
04 08 Benson Boone - Oh Who Gives A Shit
05 02 Madonna & Elton John - Can You Feel My Cunt Tonight
06 10 Artists For Mutya Buena - Song 4 Mutya (Dying)
07 07 Various Artists - Dogshit Day
08 03 Sabrina Carpenter - Reverse Cowgirl (On A Corgi)
09 05 Chappell Roan - I Will Assault The Next Fan Who Talks To Me
10 06 Charli XCX - Tits Out For Palestine
 
Penelope said:
Here's that latest chart rundown

01 NE Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini - Smoking While Pregnant
02 01 Tased Twatlips - Egyptian Homosexual
03 NE Lewis Capaldi - The Lewis Capaldi Song (version 27)
04 08 Benson Boone - Oh Who Gives A Shit
05 02 Madonna & Elton John - Can You Feel My Cunt Tonight
06 10 Artists For Mutya Buena - Song 4 Mutya (Dying)
07 07 Various Artists - Dogshit Day
08 03 Sabrina Carpenter - Reverse Cowgirl (On A Corgi)
09 05 Chappell Roan - I Will Assault The Next Fan Who Talks To Me
10 06 Charli XCX - Tits Out For Palestine
Click to expand...
Streaming (piss) has ruined the charts.
 
She has a lot of CHART RIVALRY from Lily Allen's upcoming single '(Who The Fuck Is) Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini', so ALL EYES will be on next week's HOT POP CHART
 
Madonna and Elton are performing "Can You Feel My Cunt Tonight" on Newsround tomorrow so I'm expecting that to be a competitor
 
What's the relationship between Cherlu and Geru?
 
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Cherlu spotted smoking AGAIN whilst pregnant, despite the previous outrage, outside the East London Mosque, in Aldgate East. A concerned member of the public has informed the East London Advertiser that Cherlu was listening to Mel C's new singal 'Sweat' on her MP3 player whilst lighting up.
 
HOT new Swiss lesbian duo TASED TWATLIPS have announced their OWN ambush promo for latest single Egyptian Homosexual, by appearing outside the East London Mosque stoning an Egyptian homosexual to death. The midweeks are reportedly LOOKING TIGHT :ken:
 
Mel Blatt's cover of "Zig a Zig Ah, If You Wanna Be My Lover or Whatever It's Called" is set for a top 10 entry after being used in a Christmas advert for fleshlights.
 
“Well, yeah, but can she do THIS?" hissed a noticeably tangerine-looking Jesy Nelson, handing her baby a Marlboro Menthol and a lighter after spotting the paparazzi shots of Cherlu Cole-Payne going through them like a chimney, showing off her baby bump.
 
Cherlu’s Baby Lights Up While Mama Lights Up Stage at Cairo Pride
 
Cairo Pride promptly cancelled after Cherlu’s baby blows smoke into a police horse, Egyptian homosexuals declare it PERFORMANCE ART.
 
A local of Aldgate East, known to be a pillar of the community and maker of the best samosas in town, has informed the media (local and national) that after the Cairo Pride cancellation, Cherlu has been spotted in the area again, puffing away outside Greggs, with Mini-Cherlu in tow. The source claims Cherlu looks quite 'glam' and has lost the baby weight. However on a more alarming note, the smoke coming from her could be CANNABIS.
 
Is this local of Aldgate East, pillar of the community and maker of the best samosas in town our VERY OWN Halli of 'Halli's Post of the Week' fame? :o
 
In a sudden dramatic twist, last week's #11 'Where Is My Husband?' by Raye has had a huge promotional boost in the wake of a national dogging convention outside South Shields. The race is getting TIGHTER AND TIGHTER
 
BREAKING: Raye's husband found DEAD in a burnt out car. A pack of Marlboro reds and a positive pregnancy test were found in the glovebox. Police are calling for those with information to come forward.
 
Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini has summoned the world press to a sudden emergency press conference in 5 minutes time...
 
Rumours SWIRLING that Cherlu will announce she will be killing and eating Gareth Gates.
 
Cherlu Cole-Payne-Tweedy-Fernandez-Versini has dramatically announced that she is DOUBLE PREGNANT with the child of Raye's husband, and that he died after they lit up a pair of Marlboro Reds afterwards to celebrate the positive pregnancy test and he accidentally dropped his cigarette into the oil tank. Hordes of fans are storming the last few remaining outlets of HMV and Tidal to demand as many copies of Smoking While Pregnant as they can possibly purchase to pay tribute to his sacrifice!
 
Princess of the Nile Cruises files for BANKRUPTCY after Cherlu hotboxes ship toilet, sending kaftan-wearing Egyptian homosexuals screaming overboard. Shit water FLOODS NILE.
 
Cherlu sacrifices newborn in bizarre pyramid ritual. Egyptian Homosexual Tourism Board investigating traces of Malboro reds and misshapen dildos littered in King Tut's tomb.
 
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