Dating in your 30s

cwej

cwej

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So... I wanted to put this question out there to you guys, because as a group you always have a pretty interesting, unique perspective on life and I've asked most of my closest friends to no avail.

It gets increasingly difficult to date as you get older - or I find it does - but equally I hate being single and definitely don't want to be single forever. The matches on Tinder dry up, the number of people saying '36... it's a bit old for me sorry' increases, the pool of people that are single at my age, becomes more and more the undesirables. Oh and more and more of my friends are now paired up - so I have no one to go out with and meet on the social scene.

Is it just a case of getting yourself out there more do you think? Or does anyone have any mad suggestions that worked for them?

This isn't supposed to be a 'woe is me' thread. More a 'has anyone got any practical ideas' cos time is a-ticking on. :D

THIRTY FUCKING SIX and single. Ridiculous.
 
:D Fair! I'm not sure that works for LTRs though...? (That was to Shirley.)
 
I broke up with my partner of 15 years in my 30s and dating again just seems so tiring in general. I’m perfectly happy single though I do like the idea of nice weekends away and meals etc. I’m not into NSA which puts me in an awkward position. I don’t think I have the patience for a relationship anymore, I can’t imagine sharing my house again voluntarily. The social thing can be awkward as most people I know are paired off and don’t go out so much plus my going out buddy passed away in November and I’m definitely not hanging around bars on my own. Ideally I’d like to maybe see somebody a couple of times a week, do nice things, stay over etc but the rest of the time they go be with their friends, interests etc. None of this in the pocket stuff. I can’t imagine anyone agreeing to do that.
 
Ag said:
Put on weight and become a daddy.
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This is so true. When you're in your 20s, being slim is everything. In your 30s, slim is unattractive to most - you need to be either muscular or fat to be attractive apparently.
 
Join a gay social club, there are loads in London for sports, cycling, hiking, gaming, playing music... Great way to meet other people.

Also maybe tone down your Scruff profile a bit :D
 
Peekaboo said:
Join a gay social club, there are loads in London for sports, cycling, hiking, gaming, playing music... Great way to meet other people.
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I've tried a board game one. God it was DREADFUL. Luckily I went with a friend, but I found the people quite shocking.

Maybe I'll try a tennis one though. Good idea, thanks.
 
Another difficult one is holidays. In my 20s I'd always go with other single friends. I am down to two single friends. So it's a holiday with one of those two, on my own, or not at all.

I went on my own last year, but it was quite a lonely experience to be honest - and that was even visiting friends at all my stops in America. I don't know anyone to visit in any other countries I'd want to go to.
 
I think mid thirties is an awkward age (especially if your friends are a similar age and probably all getting married / having children)

But just you wait until you’re in your forties and they’re all getting divorced :disco:
 
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I've been thinking about this a bit recently, and the part I seem to have a problem with is how to properly 'sell' myself when trying to write a profile on a website or app. It's quite tricky, and I usually end up rewriting it a few times then getting frustrated and just not bothering :D
 
SDF said:
I think mid thirties is an awkward age (especially if your friends are a similar age and probably all getting married / having children)

But just you wait until you’re in your forties and they’re all getting divorced :disco:
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One of my only two friends that are single is a divorcee. Her marriage lasted 3 months. :D We all flew to fucking ANTIGUA for it too.
 
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COB said:
I've been thinking about this a bit recently, and the part I seem to have a problem with is how to properly 'sell' myself when trying to write a profile on a website or app. It's quite tricky, and I usually end up rewriting it a few times then getting frustrated and just not bothering :D
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I honestly don't have a problem selling myself. Y'all know that surely? :D

My biggest problem is I just find most other guys in mid-30s really fucking boring - they work, come home, watch Netflix and go to bed all week, and at weekends might have a couple of drinks in the local pub. That's the experience I'm seeing on dating apps anyway.

Am I asking for too much to want someone who's got a variety of different interests and doesn't need to be tucked up in bed by 10pm every night?
 
Have you considered polyamory? Great social opportunities, no need to commit, only slight tendency to lead to cultish behaviour.
 
cwej said:
Did you do this?

Someone else suggested this to me tonight.
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I joined it to meet people when I first moved to London. I’ve made loads of friends and indirectly met Mr Kate through a Meetup friend. There is a group for pretty much any hobby (or fetish) you could possibly have and also just general local groups. I’ve ended up running three groups...!
 
Omg this thread has been a rollercoaster :D

It sounds like you don’t really want to date anyone your age (or, joking aside, VoR’s comment about being judgemental might not be so far off the mark? That’s not as an attack, just the way you’re writing about it on here)

And - well this could easily sound cunty but it’s totally not meant to - you should find some things you like to do by yourself. Maybe if you destigmatised it in your mind, you wouldn’t feel as much pressure to meet someone quickly. It helped me anyway, I’m not a shut-in, but some me-time is good for me. I wouldn’t recommend Malta though :side-eye:
 
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I guess at the end of the day we’re very different people so do what you think will make you feel better.

Though I’m not sure if it means we are different or not, but our exes are somehow dating :D is that the second time now??
 
Who is your ex?! Stephen?

I'm very happy to date someone my own age - provided they don't wanna be staying in every night and going to bed at 10pm. That's just not how I live my life and not how I really want someone I'm with being either. They've gotta be fun and outgoing and wanting to do activities a lot. That's why I'm often attracted to younger guys - the two guys I've been with in the last few years were 30 and 28 respectively - I'm not talking 18 year olds here...!!!
 
Yeah that’s him! We weren’t going out for that long really, but was still a bit of a gag to see it on Facebook :D I don’t think we are on great terms now since I left the UK (FYI that’s not how we broke up :D). I think he got shitty and blacklisted me when I didn’t meet him over my family when i visited the uk for about 5 days.
 
Anyway yeah I don’t mean you should change to fit the dating pool, there will definitely be someone else like that, even if they’re less common as they get older (maybe).

But I’ll stand by the advice about finding some way to enjoy time by yourself as well as that, it’s just good for your brain
 
I mean, I do spend most evenings in on my own and cope with it quite well. It's just sometimes that it gets a bit much. Anyway, I really wanted this thread to be about practical advice rather than me just whinging so I'll stop now!
 
Diddy said:
Yeah that’s him! We weren’t going out for that long really, but was still a bit of a gag to see it on Facebook :D I don’t think we are on great terms now since I left the UK (FYI that’s not how we broke up :D). I think he got shitty and blacklisted me when I didn’t meet him over my family when i visited the uk for about 5 days.
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That is so weird!!
 
Being proactive about meeting people is important; that's already been said. So it being clear about what you are looking for; so I mean, communicating that clearly to prospectives - and at the same time, be flexible. People can surprise you. Writing someone off as boring just makes you seem closed off to an experience that could change how you view things. My relationship has certainly done that for me.
 
How long have you actually been single for? As in, since the end of your last significant romantic relationship?
 
Beverley said:
Being proactive about meeting people is important; that's already been said. So it being clear about what you are looking for; so I mean, communicating that clearly to prospectives - and at the same time, be flexible. People can surprise you. Writing someone off as boring just makes you seem closed off to an experience that could change how you view things. My relationship has certainly done that for me.
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I do agree with you entirely, but man.. some of these dates have been excruciating.
 
What about going older?! Nothing like a mid life crisis to make someone “outgoing”

And what’s wrong with watching Netflix most week nights (and weekends :oi::D)
 
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cwej said:
I'm very happy to date someone my own age - provided they don't wanna be staying in every night and going to bed at 10pm. That's just not how I live my life and not how I really want someone I'm with being either. They've gotta be fun and outgoing and wanting to do activities a lot. That's why I'm often attracted to younger guys - the two guys I've been with in the last few years were 30 and 28 respectively - I'm not talking 18 year olds here...!!!
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Whilst it's NICE to find a partner that shares your lifestyle bear in mind YOUR lifestyle (or his) may change even if you don't think so at the moment and then you'll be stuck with a partner who is doing the opposite of what you want to do again so RINSE AND REPEAT etc.

I would focus on PERSONALITY and KINDNESS rather than LIFE CHOICES. If your partner is mature enough you will find a compromise for activities, going out, visiting places, etc. You can still join a social club on your own if there's a particular thing you enjoy and he doesn't :side-eye: and then you can come home to a hot meal that he's prepared for you whilst he was at home watching Netflix. WIN WIN.
 
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