Eurovision 2023 News

[Soldi]

OMG YES QUEEN

 

[Lucille]

 

[Tisch]

I love Charity Shop Sue but she hasn't done a single funny thing since 2019. I learnt recently (ish) that the YouTube series wasn't even written by her and it really shows. Everything improvised she does is RUBBISH.

Happy for approx 50% of moopy though.

 

[Lucille]

Yes she wasn’t one of the 3 writers.

 

[Lucille]

I was fucking terrified for the whole of that video thinking they were going to let her near Loreen.

 

[Nancy]

LOREENA!

 

[dUb]

The Charity Shop Sue rule of thumb:

Scripted YouTube series = genius, 15/10, no notes
Everything else = PATCHY. But sometimes moderately amusing

 

[Kratz]

Charity Shop Sue

DIRE

Philomena Cunk would have been much better

 

[Lucille]

TODAY’S LINE-UP!

SECOND REHEARSALS

ON-CAMERA FOOTAGE

HYSTERICAL TWITTER GAYS DECLARING LOREEN’S CHANCES OVER? IMMINENT!

 

[Lucille]

Not me posting in the wrong topic again.

 

[ZenGiraffe]

Not me posting in the wrong topic again.

You're just too HYSTERICAL

 

[jyxz]

Looks like I’m IN on the focus group. Really had to push hard to convince them that there was a show on Monday though as their records said it started on the Tuesday….

 

[Kratz]

Not me posting in the wrong topic again.

We’re not supposed to go DOOLALLY until NEXT week!

 

[Soldi]

Full EuroVillage line-up is out:

Spoiler: It’s quite long

Friday May 5th

Stealing Sheep
Natalie McCool
Alex from The Lathums
Andy McCluskey (OMD)
Red Rum Club

Kalush Orchestra
Gemma Cairney DJ set
IAmKyami
Niix, Maund and Binary

Saturday May 6th

Royalty Ball by House of Suarez
Jake Shears
Voyager – Australia’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Andrew Lambrou – Cyprus’ Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
The Busker – Malta’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Remo Forrer – Switzerland’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Mimicat – Portugal’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Laura Jackson
DJ Sweet Spot
Will Tramp (Homoelectric)

Sunday May 7th

House Gospel Choir
Hey Duggee Live Show
Bluey Live Show
Andy and The Odd Socks
Blue Peter
Freya Skye
EuroBrass
LIMF Academy presents;
Ni Maxine
Tee
Mic Lowry
Chris E and Laura Weaver
Matica

Monday May 8th (This is Ukraine)

Antytila
Go_A
TVORCHI
Jerry Heil
alyona alyona

BBC Introducing presents;
ZUZU
KOF & Friends
Hushtones
The Crawlers

SISU
Raw Silk

Stage Host – Masha Vynogradova

Tuesday May 9th - Night at the Opera

English National Opera does Eurovision feat Ruslana, Sonia and Russell Watson
Melovin
Gustaph – Belgium’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Victor Vernicos – Greece’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Joker Out - Solvenia’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Hope Street Musical Choir
Natasha Kitty Kat
DJ Fairhurst
Josh Aitman and Snoodman Deejay

Stage Host – Jay Hynd

First Semi-Final screening

Wednesday May 10th

The National Lottery United by Music Tour presents;

Girls Don’t Sync
The Lightning Seeds
Miles Kane
Michael Aldag

Marco Mengoni – Italy’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Käärijä – Finland’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Alessandra – Norway’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
TuranTuralX ft Eldar Gasimov – Azerbaijan’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry

100 Voice United Choir
Liverpool Unity Choir
Mix-stress
Piping Hot Disco

Stage Host – Dave Monks (BBC Introducing)

Thursday May 11th (

Jamala presents QIRIM with the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra
KrutB
Luke Black – Serbia’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Let 3 – Croatia’s Eurovision Song Contest 2023 entry
Hope SEN Project
Neurodiversity Choir
Hope Uni Big Band
Yvonne (Dig Vinyl)
Backyard Balearic
Dharma Collective

Second Semi-Final screening

Friday May 12th

Charlotte Church’s Late Night Pop Dungeon
Sophie Ellis Bextor
Fleur East
TikTok Take Over
Sonic Yootha
Shen
Alien Izz
Danny Beard

LIMF Academy presents
Superlate
Amique
Lazy Girl
Spiltmilk Society
Jade Burns (DJ)

Saturday May 13th (Grand Final Party at the Pier Head)

Claire Richards (Steps)
Vengaboys
Katrina of Katrina and the Waves
Jedward’s Epic Eurovision Singalong
Brooke
Dross
Danielle Moore

Stage Host - Motsi Mabuse

Grand Final screening

I wonder if Motsi Mabuse is our spokesperson if she’s hosting the final?

 

[Soldi]

Fleur East!

 

[funky]

I’ve been offered that ticket for the Thursday night, £290. Is anyone interested? I don’t think I’m bothered. I don’t think you should go into these things half arsed.

 

[Kratz]

I don’t think you should go into these things half arsed.

Try telling that to half of the countries in Semi 2

 

[D5K]

Someone on Reddit thinks they've spotted the scoreboard on an Instagram video... I'm a bit underwhelmed if this is it as I was hoping for more yellow!

Spoiler: scoreboard

 

[Soldi]

The picture doesn’t work

 

[Soldi]

Oh wait is it this one?

Spoiler

 

[D5K]

It worked when I posted it! Never mind, yes it's the same one.

 

[Tisch]

 

[Lucille]

 

[dUb]

 

[Nancy]

ONLY THE YOUNG!

 

[VoR]

Hate that idea.

 

[Tisch]

AS IF

Might start a rumour about the floor opening up underneath the non-qualifiers and see if it sticks

 

[GNL]

So I’ve heard through sources that we might see a different way of announcing the qualifiers in the #Eurovision semi finals next week.

They’ll have all 15/16 entries waiting on couches, tell them "you're live on Channel 4, please do not swear" and Loreen will cry and say "please don't take away any of my friends".

I’m not sure I like it

 

[dUb]

"CLEAR MAIN STAGE OF LOSING ACTS"

 

[dUb]

you cheeky little shits

 

[win_the_game]

Terrible idea if true. Why not just feed the losers into the Monge meat grinder right there and then?

 

[D5K]

 

[Pingu]

AS IF

Might start a rumour about the floor opening up underneath the non-qualifiers and see if it sticks

What makes you doubt it?

 

[Tisch]

What makes you doubt it?

It sounds completely out of the spirit of Eurovision and smells a bit of nothing-Eurofan making shit up on Twitter, but that was before Dub posted admittedly real-looking schedule.

 

[VoR]

The executive producer (Lee Smithurst) previously worked at Strictly, so it tracks…

 

[Soldi]

…and he was teasing something on a podcast the other week

Here for the gay drama of it all tbh

 

[ZenGiraffe]

Which contestant is most likely to throw a massive strop on stage?

 

[dUb]

REILLEY

 

[AGinAg (37)]

It's not that wild. The cameras focused on the contestants during voting in recent years is much the same.

 

[GNL]

Which contestant is most likely to throw a massive strop on stage?

Thank God La Zarra automatically qualifies. People would DIE