I was finally told that am getting fired by the end of year, it's sth that I very much wanted so it's a good thing and kind of starts to lift the feeling of helplessness and of been held hostage that I've been feeling for a long time. On one hand this gives me the opportunity to start looking for a new job right away, on the other hand am worried that having lived with this feeling for so long has been bad for the sense I've developed for myself and worth, so perhaps I should give my self some time to psychologically recover so that I won't bring my emotional baggage to a fresh new start, but wouldn't want to wait too much either, cause I can't know how long it'll take to find a new job. Am thinking to put the Christmas tree up tomorrow and maybe visit a local small town version of DonQuixote for some new xmas decorations to cheer myself up.