Great wedding speech jokes

[Sheena]

So on Friday, I am playing bridesmaid/ best man role for a female friend of mine and I have to give a best man's style speech. I need some killer wedding jokes that haven't been used hundreds of times before, both for my opening gambit and throughout the speech. I'm sure some of you have been in this situation or at least heard something different to the usual wedding shite on the interweb. Anyone?

PLEASE HELP!

 

[SDF]

I did it for my brother. My advice is make it personal and don’t bother with any best man style jokes.

I’m sure you’ll deliver it in style. And if not then just go as Cher.

 

[floppet]

Mr F didn't do any best man jokes at his brother's wedding other than "I've spent my life telling my brother that I'm better than he is at everything, well today it's official ... I am the best man".

I always enjoy the personal ones much more than the ones with shoehorned-in tacky jokes.

 

[Sheena]

I did it for my brother. My advice is make it personal and don’t bother with any best man style jokes.

I’m sure you’ll deliver it in style. And if not then just go as Cher.

I agree with this entirely on the whole, which is why I don't want any GENERIC SHITE but I'm struggling for a couple of killer one liners...

 

[Sheena]

Mr F didn't do any best man jokes at his brother's wedding other than "I've spent my life telling my brother that I'm better than he is at everything, well today it's official ... I am the best man".

I always enjoy the personal ones much more than the ones with shoehorned-in tacky jokes.

I don't think I've explained myself- I really don't want tacky jokes at all but all my best material is STOLEN from other things

 

[Star]

I don't think anything will ever top the wedding speeches at your wedding Shee

 

[SDF]

Can you get pictures blown up to talk about key things in her life? That worked well as a prop for a wedding I was at previously.

I also had someone reel off this for a bride who was in to friends:

 

[Sheena]

I don't think anything will ever top the wedding speeches at your wedding Shee

Thanks love! I wish I could just pull something out of the bag like that but I'm struggling...

 

[Sheena]

Can you get pictures blown up to talk about key things in her life? That worked well as a prop for a wedding I was at previously.

I also had someone reel off this for a bride who was in to friends:

I've already got a whole running joke surrounding props- she told me not to make a speech with lots of stupid props, so I pull out a props bag and have, well, lots of stupid props for the first half of the speech

 

[SDF]

It sounds like you’ve got this sorted to be honest

 

[BoysForSeles]

Not to hijack Sheena’s thread but I’ve the same thing to do for my niece next year and already dreading it. I’ll be doing the Uncle of the Bride giving away part so it’s the Father of the Bride role. I’m hoping a two minute mumble with no jokes is acceptable. Father of the Bride isn’t traditionally funny, right? How long should these speeches be?

 

[octophone]

Father of the Bride is a two-minute job unless the dad loves an audience or hates the best man - or both.

 

[BoysForSeles]

Father of the Bride is a two-minute job unless the dad loves an audience or hates the best man - or both.

The perfect answer I wanted.

 

[octophone]

"One of the Best Man's most arduous tasks is to keep the groom's ex-partners away from the ceremony. Given that it would be unethical, not to say time-consuming to engineer a foot and mouth outbreak....(insert person specific joke that follows this up..)"

 

[lolly]

Father of the bride is essentially a bit of gushing about the bride and a welcome to the groom isn't it? Obviously if you can make it humourous all the better, but you're very much the supporting act.

 

[dmlaw]

"One of the purposes of a best man's speech is to give the attending guests a flavour of the groom's character. In the interests of taste, I have been specifically requested to avoid any anecdotes involving unkind behaviour, sexual impropriety or drunken antics."

*sits down*

 

[dUb]

"One of the purposes of a best man's speech is to give the attending guests a flavour of the groom's character. In the interests of taste, I have been specifically requested to avoid any anecdotes involving unkind behaviour, sexual impropriety or drunken antics."

*sits down*

This is good. An easy LOL

 

[octophone]

Y'know, I did one of these back in my previous life and I can't remember the first thing about it. Maybe my brother was just awesome comedy material...