Hilariously awful pop music

I completely agree. Dress You Up was the first time I wasn't on board the K Llo Express.
 
I forgot to add the (18) after the mention of the tangerine GODDESS :shy:
 
One of Stock Aitken Waterman's lesser known hits was for Dutch 'girl' band Dolly Dots. I actually think the song's great, but the video is unintentionally hilarious.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
A couple more AATW classics

Ashley Jade caused OUTRAGE throughout clubland (the aatw online forums) with her HORRIFIC cover of "Let Me Be Your Fantasy". If you thought Alexandra Stan was a singing prostitute you ain't seen nothing yet. This girl was basically a cumbucket on legs -



I love how her youtube comments are :
who's this munter?

I have seen her some where before a 1 Euro Bukake shower fest filmed on a mobile phone. I'd fuck her for writing on a Benson. Ashley your mum thinks your great, but you should consider career progression into anal cream pie porn where your voice belongs.

and my personal favourite

this bird was in my year at school, she was a rite grot took it up the ass and everything

AATW also randomly dragged out Alex Party vocalist SHANIE for a solo version of "Don't Give Me Your Life" which sounded pretty much the same, but with a worse vocal. The (non-embed) video was a car crash involve Shanie and her new toad-like appearence, and a "sexy" Kill Bill concept, NO THANKS. -

 
Last edited by a moderator:
monsta said:
Isn't there a Rebecca Hayes thread somewhere. She wad such a WHORE on Pop Idol, the bitch thought she was the new HAIFA.
Click to expand...
I remember her 'fessing up to the nickname 'Bareback Becky' on Pop Idol Extra and the fact she was a lapdancer, dirty bitch.
 
Last edited:
JET BOY said:
Whitney Houston's entirely imagined transsexual half sister/cousin (depending on the DAY) noted superstar (in her own mind) ALEXIS HOUSTON and her infamous This Morning appearance, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, WHY IS HER DANCER DOING THE WINDMILL -
Click to expand...
Oh what JOY, I'd entirely forgotten about THIS :D

I would love to know how this came about. And whether Mr Second From The Left has emigrated to Mars yet to escape SHAME without MEASURE. Surely This Morning was at least a few researchers lighter the day after this shitstorm.
 
Whilst we're on the All Around The World tip, Ultrabeat's 'Elysium (I Go Crazy)' video has the power to reduce me to tears of laughter.

Singer Rebecca Rudd is serving behind the bar when she spots her boyfriend getting kissed by another girl and quite literally GOES CRAZY. My absolute favourite bit is the look on the extras' faces when she smashes the glass. Rebecca snarling atop the bar is amusing too though.



Even funniner, though, is watching subsequent Ultrabeat videos and charting Rebecca's rapid weight gain over the space of 24 months. She just keeps getting bigger until she's dressed in a black outfit and full length leather coat! The glamour!



 
Last edited by a moderator:
RobotBoy said:
One of Stock Aitken Waterman's lesser known hits was for Dutch 'girl' band Dolly Dots. I actually think the song's great, but the video is unintentionally hilarious.
Click to expand...
The Dots were AMAZING (and sadly now DEFUNCT after Ria carked it :() - and ANCIENT even when I was a NIPPER :D

But what a fair few CORKERS they had, "Radio", "All The Roses", "Leila (The Queen Of Sheba)" :disco: and the incomparable "Hela-di-ladi-lo"

Ren_je_rot_-_Dolly_Dots_1.png


Ren je roooooooooooot! :disco:

They belong in the pantheon of Dutch pop amazingness alongside Vanessa and Anita Meyer.
 
Can't believe someone's already stolen Loose Chippins. :D

[video=youtube;KsYaPo1_28s]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsYaPo1_28s[/video]

Why not some awful guitar-pop song with a Page 3 STUNNA with some HOT NOCALS?
 
Oh, fuck it. Here's the L.C. girls' READING of the Friends theme tune. Notice how they always look TOTALLY DIFFERENT in every video. :D

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Christian, which one was Ria? Was she the amazing one with the massive hair who sings first in What A Night?
 
What was the average age of Loose Chippins in that Inspiration video? They just look like 5 mams from a Sure Start group.
 
If it wasn't for the magic of youtube I would probably think I had dreamed this, as NOBODY ever talks about it or seems to remember it bar me.

Jamie West - Ride A White Swan.

Some bizarre plastic nightmare who was clearly in her early seventies covering T-Rex. In one of the clearest cases of voter manipulation ever, this was all over the box for about 2 weeks despite surely nobody who was not related to/receiving regular fellatio from Jamie West EVER calling up to hear it. After that it disappeared into the ether, never to be seen or spoken of again.



WHERE NOW JAMIE?
 
Last edited:
I had forgotten all about Ride A White Swan. Thanks for reminding me VoR!
 
RobotBoy said:
I had forgotten all about Ride A White Swan. Thanks for reminding me VoR!
Click to expand...

You have no idea how happy I am that somebody else remembers it. I feel like Angelina Jolie in Changeling when the kid finally admits he isn't her son.

Did you work with her? WHO WAS SHE? WHY WAS SHE?
 
Last edited:
RobotBoy said:
Christian, which one was Ria? Was she the amazing one with the massive hair who sings first in What A Night?
Click to expand...
That's her :disco:

She died of lung cancer a few years ago and the other DOTS said they wouldn't perform again now as it just wouldn't be right without Ria. This is after selling out Amsterdam's Ahoy Arena for three nights on their comeback tour. She was always my favourite DOT :(

Thanks for the clip though. I've never seen or heard that song before. SAW really did churn out some utter TAT.
 
I have to say, this is a truly STELLAR thread. A whole bunch of DIRE DROSS I'd never heard (of) before - and am unashamedly LOVING.
 



I don't think this ever made it to a record label but it's brilliant. I only know about it as it's filmed in the local gay club (now closed down :() in Portsmouth and stars one of my most hated drag queens of all time.
What WERE they thinking?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I loved how The Box seemed to have a NO SHAME policy when it came to what want on the playlist. But it worked for them and a few acts somehow managed to forge a career out of it (notably Scooter).
 
VoR said:
If it wasn't for the magic of youtube I would probably think I had dreamed this, as NOBODY ever talks about it or seems to remember it bar me.

Jamie West - Ride A White Swan.

Some bizarre plastic nightmare who was clearly in her early seventies covering T-Rex. In one of the clearest cases of voter manipulation ever, this was all over the box for about 2 weeks despite surely nobody who was not related to/receiving regular fellatio from Jamie West EVER calling up to hear it. After that it disappeared into the ether, never to be seen or spoken of again.

WHERE NOW JAMIE?
Click to expand...

Oh god - another one I bought :D

I have a list of the worst songs I own at home. I should dig it out one night this week and POST.

Other BOX highlights include:

PLUTO - Can I Get A...
EMMA NELSON - Paradise

BLAH BLAH HEDONISM II HOLIDAY BLAH
 
VoR, the company I worked for back then had absolutely nothing to do with Jamie West. I always found it mind boggling at the time that at least one department there wasn't involved in it somehow. It had all our hallmarks.
 
I doubt this is strictly a pop song, but it is definitely hilariously shit. Totally reminds me of being at my mate's house and doing bad things on a school-night with really appalling drug dealers. Anyway, here we go...



Pop videos are supposed to be aspirational, to at least some extent.

As for Katie May, I think my friend summed it up the best by saying "she looks like she should have cum on her face".
 
Last edited by a moderator:
P.S. Pat on the back to AATW, they obviously know their market.

And, I secretly love this.
 
Is it completely sick that I QUITE LIKE that Katie May song? I also like that in the video that she looks like she is blind when wearing sunglasses, then facially DISABLED when she takes them off. I like that one of her youtube comments says "Its just Fizz from Corrie with dyed hair".

Ana Ann is another The Box SUPERSTAR, who quite clearly a.) liked a bit of black cock, and b.) bought her way into the charts. Somehow her debut single "Ride" which was NEVER off The Box made number 21, who the HELL bought it, I will never know, probably her extremely rich Father. It basically just went "all we do is ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride". The video features Will Smith and David Beckham lookalikes and a HIDEOUS pink hat -



I personally preferred her SCRAPPED second single "I Apologise" that again DOMINATED The Box, but mysteriously never made it to the UK charts. The video for this is so amateur its ridiculous *spins around a post*. Seeing it in context on The Box makes you wonder how it EVER got playlisted, literally shot with a camcorder -



Ana went on to try and release a third "charity" single, that got banned after the charity it was meant to be recorded for (I think it was Save The Children) had no idea about it, and David Beckham complained as Ana started using his image in the video to try and promote her song without his permission. It was all a bit SHADY.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Future uknakedmen power-bottom SHAYNE WARD has just released a stunning single that probably falls under this category in the last week. He has teamed up with Nodesha-for-the-Teenies well known superstar singer J PEARL for this single "Must Be A Reason Why" which borrows the "King Of My Castle" chorus, whilst Shayne kind of talks through the verses.

Shayne looks a bit lost in the video and kind of stands around with his hands in his pockets a lot, whilst J Pearl writhers around on various sofas. Wasn't sampling a well known 90s dance hit a big trend TWO YEARS AGO. -

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Christian said:
Oh what JOY, I'd entirely forgotten about THIS :D

I would love to know how this came about. And whether Mr Second From The Left has emigrated to Mars yet to escape SHAME without MEASURE. Surely This Morning was at least a few researchers lighter the day after this shitstorm.
Click to expand...

I still don't really understand it. What WAS the point. Its not as if you can just walk into HMV and buy an ALEXIS HOUSTON album, and I'm sure somebody on here checked at the time and the "single" she was performing wasn't even on itunes. She didn't do any other TV that I saw (others probably had the sense to NOT LET HER ON). So essentially she was an insane tranny not really promoting anything that somehow LIED her way onto This Morning.

Did nobody at any point think to google the words "Alexis Houston", the front page of search results brings up enough SCANDAL.
 
I have no idea how any of you remember any of this. I barely remember the name of the group Roxy from Eastenders was in back in the day. In fact I don't.
 
Unveiling Alexis Houston's past

Last Updated: 9:58 AM, May 31, 2010

http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/more_on_sex_change_singer_7qcZmRm4DnXUxDun1C1jDO

We have more on Alexis Houston, the gender-bending singer who held a press conference to deny a falsely rumored affair with Matt Lauer . Last week, we revealed that she was born a man. Alexis, who falsely claimed to be a cousin of Whitney Houston, says on her Web site that she learned how to sing gospel as a 6-year-old at the Newark church where Whitney's mom, Cissy Houston, sang. But Gary Haase informs us, "Alexis (real name, Wellington Stuart) was born in Nassau, Bahamas. His father, Wendell Stuart, was the most beloved singer the island had ever known. I worked as his music director from 1978 till his untimely death from cancer on Dec. 10, 1987. I met Wellington when he was 4. I knew his mom, Marjorie, as well as his sister, Wendy . . . Wellington was nowhere near Newark at age 6 . . . It is a travesty that he would claim to be related to Whitney Houston, when his own father was a giant and loved by his country."
 
Last edited:
Lee said:

I don't think this ever made it to a record label but it's brilliant. I only know about it as it's filmed in the local gay club (now closed down :() in Portsmouth and stars one of my most hated drag queens of all time.
What WERE they thinking?
Click to expand...


OH MY GOD, I'm SO GLAD someone else knows this PIECE OF HORROR. It remains a comedy moment amongst me and my friends, mainly for the BLACK TOOTHED HARRIDAN that is Helen Love throwing her fingers around, pouting "NO MORE" and trying to look sexy whilst a) not being able to sing, b) wearing something from Etam and c) STANDING IN FUCKING MARTHAS.

God I love it
 
Last edited by a moderator:
JET BOY said:
Is it completely sick that I QUITE LIKE that Katie May song? I also like that in the video that she looks like she is blind when wearing sunglasses, then facially DISABLED when she takes them off. I like that one of her youtube comments says "Its just Fizz from Corrie with dyed hair".

Ana Ann is another The Box SUPERSTAR, who quite clearly a.) liked a bit of black cock, and b.) bought her way into the charts. Somehow her debut single "Ride" which was NEVER off The Box made number 21, who the HELL bought it, I will never know, probably her extremely rich Father. It basically just went "all we do is ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride ride". The video features Will Smith and David Beckham lookalikes and a HIDEOUS pink hat -

I personally preferred her SCRAPPED second single "I Apologise" that again DOMINATED The Box, but mysteriously never made it to the UK charts. The video for this is so amateur its ridiculous *spins around a post*. Seeing it in context on The Box makes you wonder how it EVER got playlisted, literally shot with a camcorder -

Ana went on to try and release a third "charity" single, that got banned after the charity it was meant to be recorded for (I think it was Save The Children) had no idea about it, and David Beckham complained as Ana started using his image in the video to try and promote her song without his permission. It was all a bit SHADY.
Click to expand...

Oh my GOD I had totally, totally forgotten about this. It really was absolutely baffling and as you say JET BOY, dodgy as fuck.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 1 (members: 0, guests: 1)
Back
Top Bottom