Hollyoaks nearly DEAD

I have only watched very occasional episodes since the relaunch, and it's mostly got WORSE

But I do quite enjoy that they've silently been trying to undo a lot of last year's cast destruction. Tom and Charlie already back, Warren's already made several inevitable reappearances, and now

They've un-deaded James Nightingale.

Stephanie Waring SITS BY PHONE.

Someone put it out of its misery!
 
Kill most of the cast, replace them with students and people in their 20s with complicated love lives

The only people over 30 should be legacy characters people actually liked.

Re open the Mandy Richardson Community College

Swear an oath to not feature a single gangster or serial killer for at least the next decade

Have an annual disaster to bump off the deadwood

Redesign the entire set to make it look like an actual place humans live and not Ernie’s Juice Bar from Power Rangers.

I can save this shithouse of a soap.
 
Sadly they will never ditch gangster nonsense if they think they will miss out on a hallowed guest stint from Jamie Lomas, who they are weirdly wedded to.

I still find it BIZARRE that when they have merrily been axing half of their cast, they continually make sure there is room for the spectacularly unfunny GOLDEH and THERESUH.

I would explode the nightclub first and immediately. By far the least convincing nightclub ever seen. They strung up some Home Bargain novelty fairy lights in a room that can fit about 6 patrons max. You'd think the gangster owners would take more care to make their money-laundering business seem more LEGITIMATE.
 
Shoat said:
Sadly they will never ditch gangster nonsense if they think they will miss out on a hallowed guest stint from Jamie Lomas, who they are weirdly wedded to.

I still find it BIZARRE that when they have merrily been axing half of their cast, they continually make sure there is room for the spectacularly unfunny GOLDEH and THERESUH.

I would explode the nightclub first and immediately. By far the least convincing nightclub ever seen. They strung up some Home Bargain novelty fairy lights in a room that can fit about 6 patrons max. You'd think the gangster owners would take more care to make their money-laundering business seem more LEGITIMATE.
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Warren, Grace and Ste being apparently sacred has just destroyed any even ironic enjoyment I used to get from Hollyoaks. They’re not even good characters, just familiar ones. I genuinely would completely tear the whole thing down and just keep one or two (well, that one Lomax sister who can act) but completely rebuild it as a soap about young people with normal names.
 
It does seem very odd to mark a significant anniversary for one show by tying it in with another show. It’s like if Coronation Street marked its next anniversary by having a Crossroads reunion. I’ll be checking out the Brookside episode this week, but I’ve no intention of watching anything else.
 
Having watched today's episode out of curiosity, I am now convinced this whole event is a dying swansong for Channel 4 Soap. Because even without the Brookside stuff starting, it's the most LUDICROUS fan fiction from writers who clearly think this is the last year they will have a budget.

Darren employing Warren to take Tony out by SNIPER RIFLE, only to be interrupted by back-from-the-dead-Clare and Jeremy Sheffield's evil twin crashing a light plane into the village pond? Tony in a love QUADRANGLE with multiple secret babies? Rita Simons titting about with a fake pregnancy bump? Sienna about to assassinate her twin in public? Nobody recognising Jacqui Dixon?

What in the Sunset Beach is this?
 
Shoat said:
Having watched today's episode out of curiosity, I am now convinced this whole event is a dying swansong for Channel 4 Soap. Because even without the Brookside stuff starting, it's the most LUDICROUS fan fiction from writers who clearly think this is the last year they will have a budget.

Darren employing Warren to take Tony out by SNIPER RIFLE, only to be interrupted by back-from-the-dead-Clare and Jeremy Sheffield's evil twin crashing a light plane into the village pond? Tony in a love QUADRANGLE with multiple secret babies? Rita Simons titting about with a fake pregnancy bump? Sienna about to assassinate her twin in public? Nobody recognising Jacqui Dixon?

What in the Sunset Beach is this?
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I watched this episode after not seeing it in years too! Hilarious :D
 
OUTSTANDING


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I watched a bit of the episode for context and all I got was that there was an ‘incident at the airfield’, which I guess is a thing Hollyoaks village has now.

Also that one Lomax sister who can act was hysterically trying to keep everybody inside the pub directly next to the burning plane with fuel everywhere. I’m gonna go ahead and say the pub that goes up like the fucking Wicker Man if someone so much as opens a packet of extra hot Doritos probably isn’t the best place to shelter from a potential inferno.
 
I think my favourite bit isn't even the stupid CGI, it's the split second shot when one bystander (Tony?) tries to shield himself behind a ROPE

I think that's the fourth family member Lomax Sister has now lost to village disasters. At what point do you start babbling incoherently in a padded room to yourself?
 
Shoat said:
I think my favourite bit isn't even the stupid CGI, it's the split second shot when one bystander (Tony?) tries to shield himself behind a ROPE

I think that's the fourth family member Lomax Sister has now lost to village disasters. At what point do you start babbling incoherently in a padded room to yourself?
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She also had a miscarriage, I believe. Plus she was born into a family that believed Peri, Tegan and Leela were acceptable names for girls who would want to be taken seriously as adults, so if anything the death of her entire bloodline is a blessing in disguise.
 
Watched the last two episodes of this ahead of tonight's trip to Brookside, and bloody hell, it really is awful stuff. I guess it has the decency of being entertainingly bad (though not in a way that would make me want to watch more after this week), but I'm amazed it's lasted for 30 years with scripts and acting as dire as this.

Highlight of the whole thing was Claire's command of "start the plane, Howard!" which made me chortle far more than it probably should have.
 
ButterTart said:
She also had a miscarriage, I believe. Plus she was born into a family that believed Peri, Tegan and Leela were acceptable names for girls who would want to be taken seriously as adults, so if anything the death of her entire bloodline is a blessing in disguise.
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And yet they are not the most ridiculously named family, hey McQueens

The worst of all is I think Ste is now her only living relative, and I'd be hurling myself headfirst into the plane's CGI propellers.
 
Shoat said:
And yet they are not the most ridiculously named family, hey McQueens

The worst of all is I think Ste is now her only living relative, and I'd be hurling myself headfirst into the plane's CGI propellers.
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I think naming a brother and sister ROMEO AND JULIET may just take the crown.

When it started, they had names like RUTH and GINA and TRIANGLE HAIRED ROB HAWTHORN
 
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I remember when Finn (the first one) was considered AVANT GARDE as a character name
 
They've killed off POOR BRAVE NANCY (seen deciding to have a nice lie down as the plane approaches in the clip above).

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:D not death by cardboard


Nancy has been a screechy misery for some time now, but she's also one of the few competent actors they have so this seems a somewhat foolish decision.

She was their longest serving female, and coming so soon after they sacked Cindy and Mandy, it's definitely time to declare Hollyoaks EVIL, SEXIST and possibly INCEL
 
In better news, the eldritch horror that is GRACE appears to have been killed. It seems a little far fetched if true, since most light aircraft would bounce harmlessly off her forehead.
 
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Grace AND Nancy in the same episode is quite something. I read that Grace's recent plot was becoming a child sex trafficker, which does admittedly feel a tad difficult to ever pull the character back from, although Lord knows Hollyoaks might have tried.

It also seems they have indeed ret-conned Donny to be Mick from Brookside after all, and somehow that's going to be the least RIDICULOUS development this week.
 
Doesn’t that same woman fall over at the start of the clip and then magically reappear holding a phone later on to be struck by the plane?

What knocked her over the first time?
 
I fell into a mini Hollyoaks Wikipedia hole, and speaking previously of how many silly names they have, why is Grace's grandad called Froggy, and why is it Ashley from Emmerdale, and why are they expecting us to believe that Grace and Ashley are TWO ENTIRE generations apart in age?
 
ZenGiraffe said:
Why is there a SNIPER!?
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I decided to watch a few episodes tonight to see how in the risen fuck that whole plane bit even happens. The sniper's Warren, and he's there to kill Tony because Darren gets a bit drunk, has an entire personality transplant and randomly decides to have one of his best friends killed because he's a bit pissed off with him. Literally no lead up, no moment of reflection, just answers Mercedes' phone and has a chat with Warren and casually decides to take out a hit and have his dear friend Charlie Kirked on his wedding day.
 
Well, they seemed to burn through about thirty storylines all at once, none of which made a huge amount of sense, and rushed Peri and Grace's deaths because they still had another fifteen affairs to expose within the last three minutes of each episode.

The Brookside bit, however, was LOVELY. I mean, you could obviously tell that it was Hollyoaks writers responsible for it because it was a bit 'Hello Jane my wife and Helen my daughter from a previous marriage, how's exposition?' but it was such a brilliant bit of nostalgia it made me want to go out and push a mother and child off some scaffolding.
 
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Were they just trying to pretend that the Grants had never left Brookside? I assumed Sheila and Bobby were from a totally different era to Mick, but perhaps I'm wrong.

Is Mick ever going to acknowledge seeing Jacqui Dixon titting around a flammable Chester pub with a false name, not stealing Sheila's hoses?

ButterTart said:
I decided to watch a few episodes tonight to see how in the risen fuck that whole plane bit even happens. The sniper's Warren, and he's there to kill Tony because Darren gets a bit drunk, has an entire personality transplant and randomly decides to have one of his best friends killed because he's a bit pissed off with him. Literally no lead up, no moment of reflection, just answers Mercedes' phone and has a chat with Warren and casually decides to take out a hit and have his dear friend Charlie Kirked on his wedding day.
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So another ret-con where they've only very recently decided one of Nancy's kids has actually been Tony's all along for years, although fuck knows when he had the time in between his various other affairs and near-death experiences.
 
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