Lies our elders told us

My Grandmother used to invent TALL TALES and one was that she would play in Buckingham Palace with the Queen and Prince Margaret. Ignoring the fact that none of that made sense AGE WISE, she was LONG DEAD and I was in my mid-twenties and halfway through recounting the story before it actually dawned on me that it was absolute HORSESHIT :D
 
My traumatic contribution to this is that my favourite Auntie's garden backed onto some land that had a tendency to get quite boggy. She used to warn us never to play around there because it was inhabited by 'Johny Greenteeth' who would drag children into the mud and eat them.

One day when I was about five or six-ish, I was playing near there with my cousins and I had a Dawn French moment, stepping into a puddle and immediately falling down to about waist-deep.

Smash cut to me being hosed down in a paddling pool by my mother while inconsolably screaming. :D
 
One time I was with my parents at one of their friends who had a farm. We took a duckling back home, as a pet. Later on I was told the (now adult) duck had to be put down because it 'ATE STONES' :eyes:
My parents had guests over and served... MY DUCK.
 
Dark Carnival said:
One time I was with my parents at one of their friends who had a farm. We took a duckling back home, as a pet. Later on I was told the (now adult) duck had to be put down because it 'ATE STONES' :eyes:
My parents had guests over and served... MY DUCK.
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Was the duck always intended as a meal? Did that come later? It's a conversation I still haven't had with my parents.

(Also I will admit, I did have some of the duck).
 
My Austrian Ex grew up in the sticks of Österreich. They weren't allowed to name any of the animals on the farms around them, as they inexorably ended up being served as LUNCH :D
 
My childhood home had been occupied by the Germans in World War iI and there was lots of evidence of that around the place (weird carvings on the wall, secret compartments with odd stuff in them they discovered when decorating).

My parents convinced me that my bedroom had been the Netherlands Nazi HQ and that one of the cellars had been a prison. Neither of which were remotely true.
 
My brother failed to convince me that if I didn't let a burp out, it would travel down and come out as a fart. He managed to get it past a few people tho'.
 
Convincing my younger sister that olives on the table were actually grapes and she should eat a mouthful of them only lasted for a single meal, but still makes for a moment whenever we all go out.
 
A clever one was when I was in a youth theatre play, the director told us the French Fancy cakes which were a prop had been injected with stuff to stop them rotting over the course of the run but he revealed on the last night it was a lie to stop us eating them.
 
I used to tell spawn that if she didn't tidy her toys away the binmen would come in the house on bin day and take them.

My mum used to tell me that if you swallow chewing gum it wraps round your lungs and stops you breathing. She also said chewing gum was made of pigs' feet.
 
floppet said:
My mum used to tell me that if you swallow chewing gum it wraps round your lungs and stops you breathing. She also said chewing gum was made of pigs' feet.
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EVERYONE said shit like that about chewing gum. And did gum ever have gelatin in it? She may have been KINDA RIGHT.
 
Sheena said:
Sorry, bad taste joke.

It sounds like your parents were basically just being HORRIBLE to you for your entire childhood :D
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They were! I was also terribly spoiled, so it probably all balances out :D

I'm sure there's mileage in a "How would you rate your childhood" thread, but that might a kettle of fish too far.
 
Even more confusing because my Dads best mate at the time was a 6 4 rasta
 
Dark Carnival said:
One time I was with my parents at one of their friends who had a farm. We took a duckling back home, as a pet. Later on I was told the (now adult) duck had to be put down because it 'ATE STONES' :eyes:
My parents had guests over and served... MY DUCK.
Click to expand...
Similarly my parents got me a duckling on one Easter and I had it for several months, read fairy tales to it, took it swimming etc. At one point it grew too big for our apartment so my parents said it's best that we take it to the village, at my aunt's who had hens so that it could make friends and live closer to the nature. I said yes & all was good for a while, my cousins loved the duckling too and we would all play with it when I visited. Some time later we are invited by the aunt for dinner. The dinner is supposed to be chicken but it doesn't look nor tastes like chicken and I have a horrible feeling that sth is terribly off, I talk to my cousins and all three of us demand to be taken to the duckling. The aunt pretends that she can't find it and says the duckling must have run away. Me and the cousins start crying screaming and kicking the adults refusing to return to the table and eat. Dinner was cancelled and my parents took me and left trying to persuade me all the way home they didn't know what was for dinner but I wasn't having it and never did.
 
octophone said:
My brother failed to convince me that if I didn't let a burp out, it would travel down and come out as a fart. He managed to get it past a few people tho'.
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If only you'd listened to your brother. Farting should be the least of your worries:
www.quora.com

If you hold in a burp, will it turn into a fart?

Answer (1 of 4): If your body succeeds in inducing proper peristaltic movement, the burp will turn into a fart. If unsuccessful, the gas may cause a variety of symptoms due to being trapped and / or diffusing somewhere along its path and result in symptoms like fullness of stomach without actuall...
www.quora.com www.quora.com
 
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