VoR
Take it or leave it
Congratulations gays. We (almost) survived January, and as our annual reward, we have six weeks of the glittering domestic abuse relationship that is Melfest to look forward to! This year with added COVID stress!
Shirley Clamp and Linda Bengtzing, pictured at the Schlager isolation chamber earlier...
Anyway, let's check in with this week's runners and riders, shall we?
1. Malou Prytz - Bananas
(Ace Wilder, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt, Joy Deb, Linnea Deb)
A hoary old veteran at 18, Malou already has two appearances under her belt. Her 2019 debut I Do Me was a big hit, butChandelier Ballerina was a disappointment, stalling in Andra chansen and failing to set the Swedish charts alight. This places Malou at something of a critical juncture. Will the promisingly titled Bananas put her back on top, or consign her to the glue factory alongside fellow washed-up former child stars Amy Diamond (now living under an assumed name) and Lisa Ajax (now reduced to singing with men 
)?
It's co-penned by Ace Wilder, herself no stranger to the cruel and fickle nature of Melfest voters. Will this shit be Bananas, or will Bananas just be a bit shit? We'll know soon enough, but the Heat One opening slot tends to go to songs that are diverting enough to kick things off nicely but not enormously competitive. Don't throw out that college application form just yet Malou love...
2. Theoz - Som du vill
(Tobias Lundgren, Axel Schylström, Tim Larsson, Elize Ryd, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt)
The contestant most likely to inspire poor Malou to speed-dial her local botox clinic, Theoz is one of our youngest competitors this year at just 16. He's had a few modest hits for the under-12 set, and he is perhaps inevitably 'big on Tiktok' with over 2 million followers and 444 million likes for such inspirational content as, well, this...
Stop the world I want to get off etc etc etc.
On a more promising note, he does actually have some live performance experience, having recently finished a Diggiloo tour with Lena Philipsson, during which you just know she was giving him the full Mrs Robinson. Assuming he's recovered from that experience, this could easily outperform his less-than-promising slot.
3. Shirley Clamp - Let There Be Angels
(Mats Tärnfors, Pelle Nylén, Shirley Clamp, Jakob Skarin)
Oh the bittersweet cruelty of this slot.
The Schlager diva of choice for life's perpetual second-best-friends, our Shirl was older than Theoz and Malou combined when she DEBUTED in this competition. It's been a long road since then, and she's spoken hauntingly - if not a little campily - of how her 2009 crash 'n' burn with Med hjartat fyllt av ljus sent her into therapy. Hopefully she's in a better place now, because the chances of this going anywhere are fairly minimal. At this point she's probably just hoping to get enough exposure out of it to cover the gas bills until the weather turns.
4. Omar Rudberg - Moving Like That
(Omar Rudberg, Gustav Blomberg, Amanda Kongshaug, Kristin Marie)
Arriving to sweep poor Shirley's ashes off the stage, former boyband star Omar Rudberg was last seen in 2019 with the mildly surprising flop Om, om och om igen. He's come up in the world since then, with a starring role in breakout Swedish Netflix hit Young Royals making him a priority booking for Melfest this year. He's of Venezuelan extraction and recently had a modest hit with a song entitled Mi Casa Su Casa, so there'll probably be a Latin pop vibe to this one too. He'll have to work hard to knock Sweden's answer to Maluma, Alvaro Estrella off his perch though!
5. Danne Stråhed: Hallabaloo
(Danne Stråhed, Fredrik Andersson, Erik Stenhammar)
Poor Shirl's best shot at clawing her way to sixth place is probably to get past this guy. A fixture on the Dansband scene since the 1970s, his stock in trade seems to be vaguely countrified schlager for elderly Swedes to shuffle around the care home to. I'm kind of fascinated by the low-key tragedy of the above promo photo. He has the look of a man who still weeps on a nightly basis over his ex-wife who left him 15 years ago and the kids who never speak to him and probably weren't even his in the first place. Also, what is he supposed to be pointing at?
Anyway, this is likely to be profoundly naff, but sometimes these things do catch on.
6. Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer
(Isa Molin, David Zandén, Cornelia Jakobsdotter)
Few Melodifestivalen bellyflops have amused me more than the year Christer Björkman got fully drunk on his own power and mistook a Red One scrag-end that Nicole Scherzinger would have (and almost certainly DID, come to think of it) rejected for being too reductive, performed by four of the most profoundly uncharismatic women ever allowed onto television, for a global smash in the making, and virtually built his entire 2011 season around it, only for it to get knocked out by a triumphant Linda Bengtzing! Oh, happier times.
Anyway, one of those ladies was Cornelia Jakobs, who has since had a bit of a Snog, Marry, Avoid? makeunder and returns this year with a self-penned ballad. She's one of the lower-profile performers in this heat, but she has been chipping away at her solo career for a few years. Could be like that Nathalie Brydolf song from last year that was very nice but ultimately far too depressing for Heat One. But you never know.
7. Robin Bengtsson - Innocent Love
(David Lindgren Zacharias, Victor Sjöström, Victor Crone, Viktor Broberg, Sebastian Atas)
Sweden's most boring heterosexual returns with a rather bad-vibes song title and a co-write from Sweden's second most boring heterosexual. Gird your loins, ladies!
Snark aside, despite having the look of a man who spends a lot of time tinkering with his fantasy football league and reserves his strongest political opinions for the state of craft beer these days, our Robbie has somehow built up a quietly enjoyable Melfest back catalogue so far. Intriguing rumours suggest that this song is 170BPM, which would be a bit of a turn up. Is this week's most likely direkt finalist risking it all on an ill-advised midlife swing into Dinah Nah style techno? This reporter hopes that the answer is yes!
Schedule
Wednesday: Press reviews
Thursday: SNIPPETS
Friday: Rehearsal clips
Saturday: LIVE SHOW (7pm UK time)
Shirley Clamp and Linda Bengtzing, pictured at the Schlager isolation chamber earlier...
Anyway, let's check in with this week's runners and riders, shall we?
1. Malou Prytz - Bananas
(Ace Wilder, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt, Joy Deb, Linnea Deb)
A hoary old veteran at 18, Malou already has two appearances under her belt. Her 2019 debut I Do Me was a big hit, but
)?It's co-penned by Ace Wilder, herself no stranger to the cruel and fickle nature of Melfest voters. Will this shit be Bananas, or will Bananas just be a bit shit? We'll know soon enough, but the Heat One opening slot tends to go to songs that are diverting enough to kick things off nicely but not enormously competitive. Don't throw out that college application form just yet Malou love...
2. Theoz - Som du vill
(Tobias Lundgren, Axel Schylström, Tim Larsson, Elize Ryd, Jimmy "Joker" Thörnfeldt)
The contestant most likely to inspire poor Malou to speed-dial her local botox clinic, Theoz is one of our youngest competitors this year at just 16. He's had a few modest hits for the under-12 set, and he is perhaps inevitably 'big on Tiktok' with over 2 million followers and 444 million likes for such inspirational content as, well, this...
Stop the world I want to get off etc etc etc.
On a more promising note, he does actually have some live performance experience, having recently finished a Diggiloo tour with Lena Philipsson, during which you just know she was giving him the full Mrs Robinson. Assuming he's recovered from that experience, this could easily outperform his less-than-promising slot.
3. Shirley Clamp - Let There Be Angels
(Mats Tärnfors, Pelle Nylén, Shirley Clamp, Jakob Skarin)
Oh the bittersweet cruelty of this slot.
The Schlager diva of choice for life's perpetual second-best-friends, our Shirl was older than Theoz and Malou combined when she DEBUTED in this competition. It's been a long road since then, and she's spoken hauntingly - if not a little campily - of how her 2009 crash 'n' burn with Med hjartat fyllt av ljus sent her into therapy. Hopefully she's in a better place now, because the chances of this going anywhere are fairly minimal. At this point she's probably just hoping to get enough exposure out of it to cover the gas bills until the weather turns. 4. Omar Rudberg - Moving Like That
(Omar Rudberg, Gustav Blomberg, Amanda Kongshaug, Kristin Marie)
Arriving to sweep poor Shirley's ashes off the stage, former boyband star Omar Rudberg was last seen in 2019 with the mildly surprising flop Om, om och om igen. He's come up in the world since then, with a starring role in breakout Swedish Netflix hit Young Royals making him a priority booking for Melfest this year. He's of Venezuelan extraction and recently had a modest hit with a song entitled Mi Casa Su Casa, so there'll probably be a Latin pop vibe to this one too. He'll have to work hard to knock Sweden's answer to Maluma, Alvaro Estrella off his perch though!
5. Danne Stråhed: Hallabaloo
(Danne Stråhed, Fredrik Andersson, Erik Stenhammar)
Poor Shirl's best shot at clawing her way to sixth place is probably to get past this guy. A fixture on the Dansband scene since the 1970s, his stock in trade seems to be vaguely countrified schlager for elderly Swedes to shuffle around the care home to. I'm kind of fascinated by the low-key tragedy of the above promo photo. He has the look of a man who still weeps on a nightly basis over his ex-wife who left him 15 years ago and the kids who never speak to him and probably weren't even his in the first place. Also, what is he supposed to be pointing at?
Anyway, this is likely to be profoundly naff, but sometimes these things do catch on.
6. Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer
(Isa Molin, David Zandén, Cornelia Jakobsdotter)
Few Melodifestivalen bellyflops have amused me more than the year Christer Björkman got fully drunk on his own power and mistook a Red One scrag-end that Nicole Scherzinger would have (and almost certainly DID, come to think of it) rejected for being too reductive, performed by four of the most profoundly uncharismatic women ever allowed onto television, for a global smash in the making, and virtually built his entire 2011 season around it, only for it to get knocked out by a triumphant Linda Bengtzing! Oh, happier times.
Anyway, one of those ladies was Cornelia Jakobs, who has since had a bit of a Snog, Marry, Avoid? makeunder and returns this year with a self-penned ballad. She's one of the lower-profile performers in this heat, but she has been chipping away at her solo career for a few years. Could be like that Nathalie Brydolf song from last year that was very nice but ultimately far too depressing for Heat One. But you never know.
7. Robin Bengtsson - Innocent Love
(David Lindgren Zacharias, Victor Sjöström, Victor Crone, Viktor Broberg, Sebastian Atas)
Sweden's most boring heterosexual returns with a rather bad-vibes song title and a co-write from Sweden's second most boring heterosexual. Gird your loins, ladies!
Snark aside, despite having the look of a man who spends a lot of time tinkering with his fantasy football league and reserves his strongest political opinions for the state of craft beer these days, our Robbie has somehow built up a quietly enjoyable Melfest back catalogue so far. Intriguing rumours suggest that this song is 170BPM, which would be a bit of a turn up. Is this week's most likely direkt finalist risking it all on an ill-advised midlife swing into Dinah Nah style techno? This reporter hopes that the answer is yes!
Schedule
Wednesday: Press reviews
Thursday: SNIPPETS
Friday: Rehearsal clips
Saturday: LIVE SHOW (7pm UK time)
): Omar/Theoz
