Moopy's Greatest Dance Anthems: THE RESULTS SUPERTHREAD

What should we do with the final 50?

  • Let us rate them for a more accurate result, you fucking tyrant!

    Votes: 7 41.2%

  • Just use the results you've already got, you attention seeking cunt!

    Votes: 10 58.8%
  • Total voters
    17
ButterTart said:
We're having a top 50 playlist to reveal the order of the final 50, definitely. I've decided I might try and keep the scores we already have AND allow people to rate the top 50 as well, combining the overall scores to decide who wins. It seems like a fair compromise as every single vote cast will count, and should lead to a bit of drama.
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i hope it’s not a live rate because I’ll be forced to be absent :(

is the equivalent of those Simpsons aliens?
ABORTIONS FOR ALL *booooo*
ABORTIONS FOR NOBODY *booooo*
OK ABORTIONS FOR SOME AND MINIATURE FLAGS FOR OTHERS *yaaaayyyy*
 
Diddy said:
i hope it’s not a live rate because I’ll be forced to be absent :(

is the equivalent of those Simpsons aliens?
ABORTIONS FOR ALL *booooo*
ABORTIONS FOR NOBODY *booooo*
OK ABORTIONS FOR SOME AND MINIATURE FLAGS FOR OTHERS *yaaaayyyy*
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Oh no, it’s an optional one because we’ve a few days until the final. Anyone that doesn’t want to rate again between now and then will still have had their say, because I’ll use the existing scores alongside any new ones.
 
ButterTart said:
71

Taylor Dayne – Tell it to My Heart. 39 POINTS
Nominated by @BoysForSeles

1987, USA, No. 3 smash! Fun fact: Taylor Dayne isn't dead! For years I thought she was, but I was getting her confused with Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Young Taylor bagged herself a Grammy nomination for best vocal performance for this, and she's number 18 on Rolling Stone's list of the greatest female dance artists of all time, presumably being pipped to the post by Karen Parry. Speaking of which, Kelly Llorenna bellowed her way to a top ten smash! with her cover of this in 2002. Put THAT on your fucking list, Rolling Stone.

Obviously I'm here mostly for La Llorenna's seminal reversioning of this text, but the original is pretty damn good as well. This seems to have dodged the 'oh but it's POP' accusations that have felled some other competitors.

Here she is, looking a bit like Courtney Love slowly turning into a Golden Retriever. Trigger warning: May contain traces of Bruno Brookes.

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Theres a fab TdV (RIP) remix of this from '95

 
What’s this Above & Beyond classical stuff? I love A&B. They always keep the trance melodic and euphoric and never really tread into the EDM sound which is not for me

Also the Ajuna Beats label is generally brilliant. Particularly Ajuna Deep.
 
funky said:
What’s this Above & Beyond classical stuff? I love A&B. They always keep the trance melodic and euphoric and never really tread into the EDM sound which is not for me.
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Oh I found it! It seems there are two acoustic albums (Acoustic and Acoustic II - groundbreaking). Weirdly it was on the in-flight entertainment last time I flew back from Blighty - half a world away indeed *sniff*

 
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70

N-Joi – Anthem. 39 POINTS
Nominated by @jyxz

I’m in love with you
Want you to love me too

1990, UK, No. 8 smash! Back to the early 90s, now. Saffron, the lead singer here, turned into Saffron off Republica a few years later as part of her ongoing quest for relevance. She strikes me as the sort of fame-chaser that would have done the rounds on Coach Trip, Come Dine With Me and Deal or No Deal before dragging her anal prolapse on to Embarrassing Bodies. This one samples Gwen Guthrie’s ‘Peanut Butter’, Soul II Soul’s ‘Back to Life’ and Darlene Davis’ ‘I Found Love’. Tragically, all of the members of N-Joi are from Southend.

Again, this one’s just a touch too old to resonate with me. It’s quite clearly a classic, mind, so I’m happy to put my prejudice aside and say it deserves its place here.

Here’s Saffron embodying everything I said about her above:

 
69

Rui da Silva ft. Cassandra – Touch Me. 40 POINTS
Nominated by @Rita

We can’t always understand what we are shown
How was I supposed to know our love would grow?

2001, Portugal/UK, No. 1 smash! We’re making history here, lads. ‘Touch Me’ was the FIRST Portuguenese song to ever top the UK charts. This defiant middle finger salute to the #metoo movement was actually written by the British vocalist, Cassandra Fox. She’s since gone on to a glittering career of re-releasing her no. 1 smash! ‘Touch Me’ every few months. Da Silva based the entire song around a sample of ‘Chant No. 1’ by Spandau Ballet.

It’s unfathomable that a song like this would enjoy such mainstream success these days. The late 90s and early 00s really were a glorious time to be alive. Poor @Soldi. Anyway, for such a lyrically simple song, this feels like it cuts deep thanks to the lavish production and Fox’s rockier vocal performance.

Here she is now, dressed a bit like a palette-swapped Mileena from Mortal Kombat.

 
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68

Saint Etienne ft. Étienne Daho – He’s on the Phone. 40 POINTS
Nominated by @Superstylin’

She never meant to call, she did anyway
And now he’s trying to find the words to say
Someday

1995, UK/France, No. 11 smash! The second appearance from Cracknell ‘n Co, and a resounding success given that you fucked ‘Only Love Can Break Your Heart’ over so dramatically in the lower reaches of the rate. This is the Motiv8 (him again!) remix of the Saint Etienne/Étienne Daho song ‘Accident’, which itself is an English language version of Daho’s song Weekend à Rome. The spoken word intro comes from the song Reserection, which is on the same EP as Accident. Check Wikipedia if you don’t believe me.

To my mind, this is Saint Etienne’s crowning achievement (although Hobart Paving is a sporting runner-up). The care and attention to detail from production, to lyrics, to vocals is stunning.

She’s near an amp
Dressed like a lava lamp
Interesting hair
She’s wearing flares
The crotch is damp:

 
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Rui reminds me very much of my pill days.

He's On The Phone remix really is camptastic pop at its finest.
 
All of these songs are amazing. I'm sure Brainbug must be coming up soon, but I'd love it if it could make it into the top 50.
 
ButterTart said:
82

Chicane ft. Tom Jones – Stoned In Love. 36 POINTS
Nominated by @ButterTart

2006, UK, No. 7 smash! I'm so pleased that this was a bit of a fan favourite around these parts. I've always thought Tom's vocals in the verses were processed, but apparently he actually was singing in a higher register. Chicane has two songs on this list, and a whole raft of others that could and should have been nominated. He wanted a powerful rock vocal for this song, and considered James Dean Bradfield and Kelly Jones alongside Sir Tom. He might as well have chucked Shirley Bassey's name into the hat and gone for a barbershop quartet of Welsh honkers.

This is very possibly my favourite song of all time, yet it didn’t get my 20 because I think there are better examples of pure dance songs in the mix. That's not to say this isn't an 11/10 banger, because it very much is. I remember hearing it for the first time at a house party, where I spent most of the day drunkenly asking them to 'put that Tom Jones one about being stoned on again'.

Here's afro-mullet pioneer Tom Jones and his legendary Top of the Pops performance.

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Absolutely gold standard for old pop stars dabbling in dance.
 
ButterTart said:
81

Gloworm – Carry Me Home. 36 POINTS
Nominated by @ButterTart

1994, USA, No. 9 smash! Lord, oh lord. Here's another of my picks, and coincidentally a song which Chicane covered a few years back. Gloworm are singer Sedric Johnson and producer Will Mount, whose only other significant credit is a remix of Ian Wright's award-dodging debut single 'Do the Right Thing'. Gloworm only bothered the top 40 with one other song - no. 20 smash! 'I Lift My Cup'.

I really think I've said all I need to say about this one a thousand times over. It's glorious, and I'm honestly shocked that it took until the religious experience in 2015 for me to ever actually hear it.

Here they are on Top of the Tops, serenading the finalists of the Miss Generic Mid-90s pageant.

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This and I Know The Lord really are peak taking it to Church.
 
ButterTart said:
79

Kelly Rowland feat. David Guetta – Commander. 37 POINTS
Nominated by @Lume

2010, USA, No. 9 smash! Mince... Prance... Flounce... Hot on the heels of her triumphant collaboration with David Guetta on 'When Love Takes Over', Karly Bellend knocked out an even more audacious attempt to grab the pink pound. Although it didn't quite match the success of its predecessor, it was massive in its own right, and was further proof that David Guetta really could do no wrong during his imperial phase. This WON the bonus round, and performs exceptionally well again here.

This is - by far - my favourite Destiny’s Child-related song. I admit that's not a hotly contested category, but still. This is as infectious as they get, and the promo with the duelling Kellies having a sort of Tron dance off was memorable, to boot.

Here she is selling the shit out of it on the Graham Norton show to a deafening barrage of polite applause from the white Brexiters in the audience.

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By far the best of her Guetta collabs and yet somehow not the biggest. Straight people to all be suspended please.
 
ButterTart said:
78

Paul Oakenfold – Southern Sun (Tiesto Mix). 37 POINTS
Nominated by @straightorbroken

2002, UK/Netherlands, No. 16 smash! Paul Oakenfold is one of Britain's most prolific and respected producers, and Tiesto is his Dutch equivalent. Together, they created one of the most iconic moments in the history of trance. This was released - in a much more ambient arrangement - as double-a side with the unimportant 'Ready Steady Go', and features the vocals of Carla Werner. Tiesto created two similar mixes for this, with slightly different lyrics in the chorus. The alternative version makes the allusions to suicide throughout much more explicit, and so the family-friendly one has become the default.

Oh my Christing GOD! Shivers. I feel like the radio version I used in the semi didn't do this justice, and so it didn't connect as well as it ought to have (dmlaw in particular said he'd 'rather be skullfucked by a bull elephant than spend another second listening to this turgid filth'. I may be paraphrasing). Still, this is gorgeous. All these years later and it STILL gets me, I think I want it played at my funeral. The full ten minute version, too, with a glitterball descending from the rafters and pills being passed around on the collection plate.

Here they are performing it in Malta - the version she performed on TOTP was pre-remix.

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Lush. In the same way BT is friends with Karen I'm basically bezzies with Carla.
 
ButterTart said:
77

La Bouche – Be My Lover. 38 POINTS
Nominated by @straightorbroken

1995, Germany/USA, No. 25 smash! It's a straightorbroken double feature! This sold a ridiculous SIX MILLION copies worldwide, and achieved the greatest possible honour when it was featured in Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion. Frontman Lane McCray was still on active duty in the United States Air Force when La Bouche formed, but still managed to juggle churning out infectious Europop with strafing civilians in the former Yugoslavia. Melanie Thornton died in the Crossair Flight 3597 crash in 2001, and the forthcoming Disaster Rate 2020 will be dedicated to her memory.

This is one I was never massively familiar with (not to say I don't like it), so it would be disingenuous of me to enthuse too much about it. What I will say is that it's a textbook slice of Euro dance, and its placing here is a testament to its enduring quality.

Here they are being treated like fucking ROYALTY, and taking to the stage like absolute megastars.

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It really is the tits. Top notch Europop. Its relative floppage in the UK means it never suffered from overplay. I always wonder why this remember and Omen III is often forgotten.
 
ButterTart said:
76

Modjo – Lady (Hear Me Tonight). 39 POINTS
Nominated by @Superstylin'

2000, France, No. 1 smash! French house duo Modjo produced a characteristically classy little bop that was the soundtrack to the Summer of love in 2000 (Steps are reportedly furious that their 2000 hit 'Summer of Love' was passed over for that title). This one samples 'Soup For One' by Chic, and it featured on the soundtrack to Grand Theft Auto V. Their follow up, Chillin', reached no. 12 a year later, and their collaboration with Charity Shop Sue, S'cuse Me Lady (Hear Me Tonaaht), is an early contender for the Christmas number one.

For me, this isn't a song I expect to hear on a night out. It's a 'lounging by the pool with some of the Strongbow you brought with you in your suitcase' tune, an accompaniment to a hazy Summer's afternoon and an early evening spent tearfully applying calamine lotion to blistered shoulders. Day drinkers need anthems too, and this is most definitely it.

Here's a slightly pointless performance from Toppity Pops. Full marks for effort, mind.

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So correct. It's really not meant for clubbing. A lot of French dance has that by the pool thing going on.
 
67

Dannii Minogue – Disremembrance. 41 POINTS
Nominated by @Alex

I feel no fear tonight
I feel no pain
I don’t know what I feel
Or hope to gain

1997, Australia, No. 21 smash in 1998! In stark contrast to Moopy Survivor, Deniii Megane actually put up a fight against her more famous sister in Dance Rate. Here’s the first of her two contenders, remixed by Flexifinger (AKA Trouser Enthusiasts, and part of Planet Perfecto), this is dance chart ROYALTY Deannoo’s tranciest outing. It’s far from her most well-remembered track, but got the nod over All I Wanna Do, which is nice. Diaanaa built on the goodwill she accrued here by joining the X-Factor as a judge, insulting the gays and making Ruth Lorenzo happen.

Hands down my favourite Minogue song. I remember watching the promo for this on Light Lunch with Melon Sue in 1997, and absolutely loving it. Bit of a bastard to track down, mind. Not until the streaming era was I properly able to get my hands on it.

Here she is on Live & Kicking. Neither of those words are an accurate description of her performance.

 
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ButterTart said:
75

O.T Quartet – Hold That Sucker Down (Builds Like a Skyscraper Mix). 39 POINTS
Nominated by @jyxz and @straightorbroken

1994, UK, No. 24 smash! OT quartet is another name for Our Tribe, which in itself is yet another pseudonym for Rollo off the Faithless. Maxi Jazz and Sister Bliss must be awful shags if he has to get his jollies on the side with such alarming frequency. This was featured on the Queer as Folk soundtrack, which made me think it was a gay anthem for year. Rollo is still churning out the good stuff, too. Just last year he released a no. 96 smash! album. His sister is still Dido, sadly. Too late to flush her now.

I never gave this time of day until relatively recently, and I'm being quietly seduced by it. Come the next rate, I can well imagine this will be a lot further up my personal rankings.

Another one I can't find a live performance of, so here's a classical rendition by Saara Aalto!

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Absolute banger. As far as it being gay anthem, well its hardly a definitive term. But yes it would sound very in place in a gay club, whst with all the wailing and dramatic house.
 
ButterTart said:
74

Ascension – Someone. 39 POINTS
Nominated by @BoysForSeles

1997, UK, No. 55 smash in 1997, no. 43 in 2000! Ascension seem to go by a different alias every day. Seriously, they're like Mr fucking Benn. Among their more famous alter egos are Simmonds & Jones, Lustral and The Space Brothers. @dmlaw's second favourite daughter (after Phyllida) Joanna Law makes another appearance on this list as a featured vocalist. This one was knocked out in its semi, and battled its way through the bonus round to get here. This VERY respectable placing is testament to the fact that we probably shouldn't have snubbed it first time around.

I fucking LOVE this one. It's been knocking around on my playlists for ages, but I've never actually given it a proper listen until this rate. Consider me fully on board.

Another one that doesn't have a live version. Luckily, this video exists. I'm assuming they're all wearing sunglasses because they've eyes like piss holes in the snow. Check out Nicola Sturgeon getting her life in the bottom left.

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This was 'new' to me and one of the discoveries of this rate.
 
ButterTart said:
73

Eric Prydz – Pjanoo. 39 POINTS
Nominated by @dmlaw

2008, Sweden, No. 2 smash! Another one that I'm pleased to say did far better than I expected it to. Eric Prydz is most known for 'Call on Me' (and to a lesser extent 'Proper Education'), but this was the only one of his songs to be nominated. Justin Bieber sampled it in 'Rollercoaster', which is a mark of quality - someone who's collaborated with Chris Brown and banged Selena Gomez is clearly a man of discerning taste. Eric Prydz was named DJ Magazine's 17th best DJ in the world in 2019. Tangentially related factoid: Juan Pablo di Pace, the leering keep fit enthusiast from the 'Call on Me' video, was in two episodes of shit Scottish soap River City, and came out last year as a gay!

It was a nice surprise to see this one do so well throughout this process. I used to be quite partial to it when it was first released, although it had been a while since I'd given it a listen by the time this rate began.

Here he is at Creamfields. This looks like it's on a much bigger scale than it was when I went, and by Christ I'd gladly sacrifice a limb to be able to go again.

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This really has got better and better down the years.
 
ButterTart said:
72

Ace of Base – Beautiful Life. 39 POINTS
Nominated by @Lume

1995, Sweden, No. 15 smash! Four piece pop ensemble Ace of Base were very much a latter-day ABBA, except better because ABBA never did 'The Sign'. One of the best facts I know about them is that they were hated in their native Sweden during the 90s, because the Swedes aren't big on people getting a bob on themselves when they get rich and successful. Ace of Base claim that, shortly after 'Beautiful Life' was released, Michael Jackson told them it was one of the best songs he'd heard in years. Mind you, they said this in 2018 when he'd already been dead eight years, so it's not like he was around to call bullshit.

This is a bit of a divisive one, and I'll admit that it ranks a lot higher than I would have expected. That said, this is perfect Europop. When I got (I think) Now 33, this was the one I kept going back to. If you're going to call your song 'Beautiful Life', it had better have the ebullience to do justice to that name. This does.

Here they are performing it at the World Music Awards, and looking a bit like Jehovah's Witnesses.

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This shouldn't be here.
 
Gutted centre-spread era Dannii didn't make #69.

I still think we're in the trail of this album's majesty and wonderment. The Trouser Enthusiast's remix of Heaven Can Wait is a thing of beauty.
 
ButterTart said:
67

Dannii Minogue – Disremembrance. 41 POINTS
Nominated by @Alex

I feel no fear tonight
I feel no pain
I don’t know what I feel
Or hope to gain

1997, Australia, No. 21 smash in 1998! In stark contrast to Moopy Survivor, Deniii Megane actually put up a fight against her more famous sister in Dance Rate. Here’s the first of her two contenders, remixed by Flexifinger (AKA Trouser Enthusiasts, and part of Planet Perfecto), this is dance chart ROYALTY Deannoo’s tranciest outing. It’s far from her most well-remembered track, but got the nod over All I Wanna Do, which is nice. Diaanaa built on the goodwill she accrued here by joining the X-Factor as a judge, insulting the gays and making Ruth Lorenzo happen.

Hands down my favourite Minogue song. I remember watching the promo for this on Light Lunch with Melon Sue in 1997, and absolutely loving it. Bit of a bastard to track down, mind. Not until the streaming era was I properly able to get my hands on it.

Here she is on Live & Kicking. Neither of those words are an accurate description of her performance.

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One of the greatest songs ever.
 
66

Lasgo – Something. 41 POINTS
Nominated by @Tisch

Hold me in your arms
And never let me go

2001, Belgium, No 4 smash! Another trance icon bites the dust. The video for this was filmed at the main railway station in Prague. Evi Goffin was the lead singer until 2008. Her replacement Jelle Van Dael (who never owned a Jellied Eel Van, which feels like a wasted business opportunity), was picked after Lasgo held a televised talent contest to find their new front-woman. Their follow up single ‘Alone’ was also in the running for this rate but, like a Hollyoaks actress on the eve of her 25th birthday, it was cruelly cast aside and doomed to a life of appearances in local radio adverts for used car dealerships.

Honestly, I expected this to make the top 50. As an example of trance-pop, I don’t think it’s ever been bettered. Again, this reminds me of visiting friends in Leeds. One of them had gone into town that morning specifically to buy this on single, and we listened to it on repeat.

Here’s a forehead with Evi Goffin attached, doing TOTP in a time before choreography was invented.

 
ButterTart said:
67

Dannii Minogue – Disremembrance. 41 POINTS
Nominated by @Alex

I feel no fear tonight
I feel no pain
I don’t know what I feel
Or hope to gain

1997, Australia, No. 21 smash in 1998! In stark contrast to Moopy Survivor, Deniii Megane actually put up a fight against her more famous sister in Dance Rate. Here’s the first of her two contenders, remixed by Flexifinger (AKA Trouser Enthusiasts, and part of Planet Perfecto), this is dance chart ROYALTY Deannoo’s tranciest outing. It’s far from her most well-remembered track, but got the nod over All I Wanna Do, which is nice. Diaanaa built on the goodwill she accrued here by joining the X-Factor as a judge, insulting the gays and making Ruth Lorenzo happen.

Hands down my favourite Minogue song. I remember watching the promo for this on Light Lunch with Melon Sue in 1997, and absolutely loving it. Bit of a bastard to track down, mind. Not until the streaming era was I properly able to get my hands on it.

Here she is on Live & Kicking. Neither of those words are an accurate description of her performance.

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Did @Alex bother to vote for this? :eyes::kim:
 
We got 2 good songs from them, mostly because of her voice getting old real quick. I did have a thing for Peter Lutz for a moment. I like his song The Rain - I unsuccessfully tried to convince Kelly Llorenna to cover it.
 
ButterTart said:
66

Lasgo – Something. 41 POINTS
Nominated by @Tisch

Hold me in your arms
And never let me go

2001, Belgium, No 4 smash! Another trance icon bites the dust. The video for this was filmed at the main railway station in Prague. Evi Goffin was the lead singer until 2008. Her replacement Jelle Van Dael (who never owned a Jellied Eel Van, which feels like a wasted business opportunity), was picked after Lasgo held a televised talent contest to find their new front-woman. Their follow up single ‘Alone’ was also in the running for this rate but, like a Hollyoaks actress on the eve of her 25th birthday, it was cruelly cast aside and doomed to a life of appearances in local radio adverts for used car dealerships.

Honestly, I expected this to make the top 50. As an example of trance-pop, I don’t think it’s ever been bettered. Again, this reminds me of visiting friends in Leeds. One of them had gone into town that morning specifically to buy this on single, and we listened to it on repeat.

Here’s a forehead with Evi Goffin attached, doing TOTP in a time before choreography was invented.

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Something really is the tits. A pop trance SPECTACULAR.
 
65

The Ones – Flawless. 42 POINTS
Nominated by @jyxz

After all, overqualified for position
Your dreams seek fruition
Mere class on a higher plane
Everyone wants to know your name

2001, USA, No. 7 smash! This was only nominated in the bonus round and, just like when @Lucille got that coupon for free anal bedazzling, naturally their entrance was grand. This samples Gary’s Gang’s ‘Keep on Dancin’ and Tom Tom Club’s ‘Wordy Rappinghood’, which is the best song title I’ve ever heard. It was itself sampled by George Michael on Flawless (Go to the City). The Ones member Nashom Wooden, who used to perform as drag queen Mona Foot, would follow in George Michael’s footsteps by dying in March this year, our first Coronavirus victim on the list.

Another one I expected a top 50 finish from, but 65 is a massive achievement in itself. I love this, and had no idea they were gay until it was mentioned in this rate. Honestly, I’m like an Amish kid on Rumspringa around here sometimes.

Here they are on Top of the Pops. Rumours that they had to Google the word ‘Top’ before their appearance are largely unfounded.

 
ButterTart said:
65

The Ones – Flawless. 42 POINTS
Nominated by @jyxz

After all, overqualified for position
Your dreams seek fruition
Mere class on a higher plane
Everyone wants to know your name

2001, USA, No. 7 smash! This was only nominated in the bonus round and, just like when @Lucille got that coupon for free anal bedazzling, naturally their entrance was grand. This samples Gary’s Gang’s ‘Keep on Dancin’ and Tom Tom Club’s ‘Wordy Rappinghood’, which is the best song title I’ve ever heard. It was itself sampled by George Michael on Flawless (Go to the City). The Ones member Nashom Wooden, who used to perform as drag queen Mona Foot, would follow in George Michael’s footsteps by dying in March this year, our first Coronavirus victim on the list.

Another one I expected a top 50 finish from, but 65 is a massive achievement in itself. I love this, and had no idea they were gay until it was mentioned in this rate. Honestly, I’m like an Amish kid on Rumspringa around here sometimes.

Here they are on Top of the Pops. Rumours that they had to Google the word ‘Top’ before their appearance are largely unfounded.

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HATED IT at the time. LOVE it now. Much like @Suomi
 
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