Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 14: Croatia, Romania & Switzerland
- Thread starter VoR
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ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
MAN ALIVE!
Penelope
Бангаранга
PANICKING AND POURING TONIC
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
All this and I'm trying to research train derailments 1930-1939 as well!
Soldi
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ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
Sounds good, I've not had a wank in a couple of days.Ooo we should do some DISASTER REWATCHES one night
Penelope
Бангаранга
PFFFFFT
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
Goddd, fine. I'll have a wank if it will make you happy.
Penelope
Бангаранга
Photos in the post as ever please TA
VoR
Take it or leave it
Switzerland
10th: Sinplus - Unbreakable (61pts)
In a sea of bland fondue, the unfortunate wooden spoon goes to this tight-trousered pair of twins from Locarno. With his 80s Depeche mode fanboy aesthetic and strangely twitchy performance style, lead singer Gabriel resembles not so much a preening rock God as a Jedward brother going through a rebellious phase and an unfortunate attack of onstage bells palsy.
Songwise, this was hyped as a potential qualifier at the time, and it does have a reasonable hook, but it unfortunately runs out of steam around 45 seconds in and goes nowhere from there. I'm not a big fan of the vocal stylings either, which sort of sound like an alien doing an unconvincing impersonation of the human voice.
The public placed it 10th, but the jurys weren't buying it, and with an overall 11th place finish, this was Switzerland's narrowest miss of the decade.
1 x 10 (Raining on Me)
4 x 0 (Auretz, VoR, Penelope, Superstylin', Ill Advised)
10th: Sinplus - Unbreakable (61pts)
In a sea of bland fondue, the unfortunate wooden spoon goes to this tight-trousered pair of twins from Locarno. With his 80s Depeche mode fanboy aesthetic and strangely twitchy performance style, lead singer Gabriel resembles not so much a preening rock God as a Jedward brother going through a rebellious phase and an unfortunate attack of onstage bells palsy.
Songwise, this was hyped as a potential qualifier at the time, and it does have a reasonable hook, but it unfortunately runs out of steam around 45 seconds in and goes nowhere from there. I'm not a big fan of the vocal stylings either, which sort of sound like an alien doing an unconvincing impersonation of the human voice.
The public placed it 10th, but the jurys weren't buying it, and with an overall 11th place finish, this was Switzerland's narrowest miss of the decade.
1 x 10 (Raining on Me)
4 x 0 (Auretz, VoR, Penelope, Superstylin', Ill Advised)
Penelope
Бангаранга
Utterly fucking DISGUSTING and agog that it was a near qualifier. I also never understood how he always managed to pronounce it 'sweam across the strim' - just SWAP THE VOWEL SOUNDS YOU FREAK
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
I don't remember that even after rating it, and I usually like any old shite if there's the vague promise of a guitar.
Dark Carnival
Serving cunt
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- Feb 3, 2004
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- 82,780
WHAT? I liked that 
VoR
Take it or leave it
9th: Takasa - You & Me (71pts)
Oh sure, this looks like a sweet little amateur-hour ditty from a group who evidently mistook Eurovision for 'Bring the still twitching corpse of your recently deceased Grandparent to work Day', but don't let their strangely glass-eyed smiles fool you, for Takasa are actually one of the most sinister religious cult recruitment entries ever to sneak their way onto the Eurovision stage. Look, they even got to poor Natalie from Cascada!
As every right thinking person knows, God has no place at Eurovision, so these Sally Army shysters were forced to leave their scarily Nazi-esque uniforms back in the underground bunker. In a rare example of good decision making, the juries stepped in and kept this out of the finals, but you just know they spent the Saturday night distributing leaflets outside the arena.
Little-known fact: Loreen's celebrated stage performance of 'Statements' was heavily inspired by post-Baku period bravely sacrificing her Eurovision winner momentum to infiltrate these monsters. She managed to get Valentina and half of the Babushkis out. For Anmary and Iris from Belgium, there was sadly no escape.
1 x 8 (David_5000 has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior)
3 x 0 (Kalabaliken, Tischlampe, Suomi)
Oh sure, this looks like a sweet little amateur-hour ditty from a group who evidently mistook Eurovision for 'Bring the still twitching corpse of your recently deceased Grandparent to work Day', but don't let their strangely glass-eyed smiles fool you, for Takasa are actually one of the most sinister religious cult recruitment entries ever to sneak their way onto the Eurovision stage. Look, they even got to poor Natalie from Cascada!
As every right thinking person knows, God has no place at Eurovision, so these Sally Army shysters were forced to leave their scarily Nazi-esque uniforms back in the underground bunker. In a rare example of good decision making, the juries stepped in and kept this out of the finals, but you just know they spent the Saturday night distributing leaflets outside the arena.
Little-known fact: Loreen's celebrated stage performance of 'Statements' was heavily inspired by post-Baku period bravely sacrificing her Eurovision winner momentum to infiltrate these monsters. She managed to get Valentina and half of the Babushkis out. For Anmary and Iris from Belgium, there was sadly no escape.
1 x 8 (David_5000 has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior)
3 x 0 (Kalabaliken, Tischlampe, Suomi)
Penelope
Бангаранга
You just know him on the left has become a proper little dickpig in the seven years since.
I seem to remember that one was the dearly departed Eileen's favourite entry in 2013
I seem to remember that one was the dearly departed Eileen's favourite entry in 2013
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
I don’t think Switzerland have any right to be upset about their dismal qualification record, when you look at the evidence.
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
Him on the right already was. Went through bellends like they were sherbet Dip Dabs, by all accounts.You just know him on the left has become a proper little dickpig in the seven years since.
I seem to remember that one was the dearly departed Eileen's favourite entry in 2013
VoR
Take it or leave it
8th: Rykka - The Last of Our Kind (86pts)
I mean, look, I don't know what you people expected from this poor cow. She literally caught fire 3 seconds into her performance, and all you monsters can do is pick on the fact that she also looked like she was trying to style out a particularly aggressive attack of IBS at the same time. I'd like to see any one of you handle that unfortunate series of events with more aplomb.
Having recovered from her Eurovision ordeal, Rykka is now pursuing her artistic muse from behind the counter at Vancouver's Bed, Bath & Beyond department store. She does not like to talk about Eurovision, but she can sell you a lovely book of cross-stitch patterns at 40% off while stocks last.
1 x 12 (auretz)
4 x 0 (Kevin, Kevin7, Ag, dmlaw)
I mean, look, I don't know what you people expected from this poor cow. She literally caught fire 3 seconds into her performance, and all you monsters can do is pick on the fact that she also looked like she was trying to style out a particularly aggressive attack of IBS at the same time. I'd like to see any one of you handle that unfortunate series of events with more aplomb.
Having recovered from her Eurovision ordeal, Rykka is now pursuing her artistic muse from behind the counter at Vancouver's Bed, Bath & Beyond department store. She does not like to talk about Eurovision, but she can sell you a lovely book of cross-stitch patterns at 40% off while stocks last.
1 x 12 (auretz)
4 x 0 (Kevin, Kevin7, Ag, dmlaw)
Dark Carnival
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OMG THAT PHOTO
Penelope
Бангаранга
A load of NEITHER HERE NOR THERE nonsense. Nice enough in the background but god Switzerland were on a slump after Sebalter.
Dark Carnival
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Seriously WHAT were they thinking what that staging?
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
Rykka looked like Thora Hird in those adverts for Craftmatic beds, except standing up.
VoR
Take it or leave it
7th: Melanie Rene - My Time to Shine (92pts)
Oh, the tragic irony of that song title.
My abiding memory of Melanie Rene involves the press conferences the artists would hold for the fan press shortly after their first rehearsals. Our Mel had the rotten luck of having to follow Måns Zelmerlöw, who predictably commanded a packed house of excitable gay pseudo-journalists. Not since I saw Chesney Hawkes foolishly open with The One And Only at Bristol Balloon Festival and then follow up with 'something from my new album' have I seen a crowd disperse more rapidly than in the seconds between Måns finishing and Melanie taking the stage. (I stayed in the room out of sheer pity, but I don't think I asked her anything. I mean, God, what to say? "Studies going well dear?" "Got any nice holidays booked after this?")
This is just next-level 'by the numbers', the sort of thing even the God forsaken UK national selections generally use as padding between something more promising. She's doing her best, I guess, but some people just clearly aren't meant for centre stage. I do enjoy the curiously provincial 'No more mucking around' line. Were tha born in't barn, Melanie?
1 x 12 (Dark Carnival)
1 x 0 (Pingu)
Oh, the tragic irony of that song title.
My abiding memory of Melanie Rene involves the press conferences the artists would hold for the fan press shortly after their first rehearsals. Our Mel had the rotten luck of having to follow Måns Zelmerlöw, who predictably commanded a packed house of excitable gay pseudo-journalists. Not since I saw Chesney Hawkes foolishly open with The One And Only at Bristol Balloon Festival and then follow up with 'something from my new album' have I seen a crowd disperse more rapidly than in the seconds between Måns finishing and Melanie taking the stage. (I stayed in the room out of sheer pity, but I don't think I asked her anything. I mean, God, what to say? "Studies going well dear?" "Got any nice holidays booked after this?")
This is just next-level 'by the numbers', the sort of thing even the God forsaken UK national selections generally use as padding between something more promising. She's doing her best, I guess, but some people just clearly aren't meant for centre stage. I do enjoy the curiously provincial 'No more mucking around' line. Were tha born in't barn, Melanie?
1 x 12 (Dark Carnival)
1 x 0 (Pingu)
Penelope
Бангаранга
Did Time to Shine qualify from a national selection? AGOG if so!
It says it all that the production really desperately throws everything it can at it to try and keep you interested and STILL FAILS MISERABLY
It says it all that the production really desperately throws everything it can at it to try and keep you interested and STILL FAILS MISERABLY
Dark Carnival
Serving cunt
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- Feb 3, 2004
- Messages
- 82,780
FUCK OFF YOU BASTARDS!
VoR
Take it or leave it
6th: Anna Rossinelli - In Love For a While (93pts)
A qualifier!
When comparing this to what surrounds it, the kindest thing you can say is that it does at least rise to a level of basic competence, although personally I'd say a Eurovision hook should only really consist of 30 consecutive 'na na nas' if accompanied by a trashy Disco beat and liberal slut-dropping, of which this contains neither.
Still, it's nice enough in a 'doesn't interrupt your dinner' sort of way, and despite finishing dead last in Düsseldorf, it set Rossinelli on a genuinely successful local career that endures to this day - she scored a #1 album in January of 2019. I guess when you're as fucking useless as the Swiss, scoring 19 points in the Grand Final probably is enough to qualify you for Carola status.
1 x 12 (Win the Game)
2 x 0 (Raining on Me, Dark Carnival)
A qualifier!
When comparing this to what surrounds it, the kindest thing you can say is that it does at least rise to a level of basic competence, although personally I'd say a Eurovision hook should only really consist of 30 consecutive 'na na nas' if accompanied by a trashy Disco beat and liberal slut-dropping, of which this contains neither.
Still, it's nice enough in a 'doesn't interrupt your dinner' sort of way, and despite finishing dead last in Düsseldorf, it set Rossinelli on a genuinely successful local career that endures to this day - she scored a #1 album in January of 2019. I guess when you're as fucking useless as the Swiss, scoring 19 points in the Grand Final probably is enough to qualify you for Carola status.
1 x 12 (Win the Game)
2 x 0 (Raining on Me, Dark Carnival)
VoR
Take it or leave it
Penelope
Бангаранга
I really did wonder for a bit if I could justify giving In Love For A While my nul - it REALLY deserved it and yet the Swiss had SO MUCH WORSE 
VoR
Take it or leave it
5th: Michael von der Heide - Il pleut de l'or (94pts)
A celebrated ode to piss play (no, seriously, it is!) this saucy disco number probably deserved better than dead with a mere two points in its semi, but I suppose Eurovision just wasn't ready for that kind of shenanigans in 2010.
At the risk of saying the quiet part loud, I do wonder if this might have done better had it been delivered by someboday a tad less, to quote Sara Cox, 'facially alarming'. I'm sure he makes up for it in his ability to do and have done to him absolutely anything your depraved mind could muster in a clammy Zurich dark room, but it's a bit much for 7pm on a Thursday night.
My highlight of this performance is unquestionably the eye-roll of over it-ness by the backing singer on the right in the first 5 seconds of the song. It's fair enough, she's clearly the star turn of the piece. Back to Squirt.org you go, Michael!
1 x 12 (Penelope)
4 x 0 (Jacques, Buttertart, Soldi, Win_the_Game)
A celebrated ode to piss play (no, seriously, it is!) this saucy disco number probably deserved better than dead with a mere two points in its semi, but I suppose Eurovision just wasn't ready for that kind of shenanigans in 2010.
At the risk of saying the quiet part loud, I do wonder if this might have done better had it been delivered by someboday a tad less, to quote Sara Cox, 'facially alarming'. I'm sure he makes up for it in his ability to do and have done to him absolutely anything your depraved mind could muster in a clammy Zurich dark room, but it's a bit much for 7pm on a Thursday night.
My highlight of this performance is unquestionably the eye-roll of over it-ness by the backing singer on the right in the first 5 seconds of the song. It's fair enough, she's clearly the star turn of the piece. Back to Squirt.org you go, Michael!
1 x 12 (Penelope)
4 x 0 (Jacques, Buttertart, Soldi, Win_the_Game)
Penelope
Бангаранга
NOOOOOOO
It was TERRIFYING GAY WHIMSY!
It was TERRIFYING GAY WHIMSY!
VoR
Take it or leave it
4th: Sebalter - Hunter of Stars (128pts)
Now here's your polar opposite of Michael Von der quick, hide your browsing history. Sebalter coasted through to Switzerland's greatest pre-Luca Hanni success of the 2010s on the back of whistling and being somebody you'd actually be quite proud to admit you fucked. Nobody ever said life was fair!
On record I don't think this is much better than standard issue Swiss dreck, but the ability to exude actual charm onstage can carry you a long way - all the way to 13th place in the finals in this case! There's a whiff of the Rybaks about the whole thing, but when Sebalter lacks in a Fairytale-strength hook, he makes up for in looking far less like he has underage girls locked in his basement.
If Switzerland could bottle this quality of likable MoR, they could probably do a lot better a lot more often. It's probably the closest they have to a USP these days.
4 x 10 (VoR, Ag, Win_The_Game, Dark Carnival)
1 x 1 (David_5000)
Now here's your polar opposite of Michael Von der quick, hide your browsing history. Sebalter coasted through to Switzerland's greatest pre-Luca Hanni success of the 2010s on the back of whistling and being somebody you'd actually be quite proud to admit you fucked. Nobody ever said life was fair!
On record I don't think this is much better than standard issue Swiss dreck, but the ability to exude actual charm onstage can carry you a long way - all the way to 13th place in the finals in this case! There's a whiff of the Rybaks about the whole thing, but when Sebalter lacks in a Fairytale-strength hook, he makes up for in looking far less like he has underage girls locked in his basement.
If Switzerland could bottle this quality of likable MoR, they could probably do a lot better a lot more often. It's probably the closest they have to a USP these days.
4 x 10 (VoR, Ag, Win_The_Game, Dark Carnival)
1 x 1 (David_5000)
VoR
Take it or leave it
I'll do the top 3 after our rewatch.
VoR
Take it or leave it
Oh I know nobody's reading but I'm just going to burn through these last three.
3rd: Zibbz - Stones (129pts)
"I want anybody who's ever been hurt by anyone to PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"
OMG, she's talking about ME!
Apparently these two were local reality TV stars, and this did have a strong whiff of the vanity entry. A level of basic competence was enough for some of us in Lisbon to get unduly excited about their chances of qualifying with this, but ultimately it takes more than a few glowsticks and some straight out of 2003 styling to get a song this flaccid into the finals.
1 x 12 (Suomi)
2 x 0 (Alla, wurst)
3rd: Zibbz - Stones (129pts)
"I want anybody who's ever been hurt by anyone to PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"
OMG, she's talking about ME!
Apparently these two were local reality TV stars, and this did have a strong whiff of the vanity entry. A level of basic competence was enough for some of us in Lisbon to get unduly excited about their chances of qualifying with this, but ultimately it takes more than a few glowsticks and some straight out of 2003 styling to get a song this flaccid into the finals.
1 x 12 (Suomi)
2 x 0 (Alla, wurst)
ButterTart
Like Mussolini or Kennedy
I thought this had more about it than a lot of the qualifiers that year. She'd got a set of pipes on her.Oh I know nobody's reading but I'm just going to burn through these last three.
3rd: Zibbz - Stones (129pts)
"I want anybody who's ever been hurt by anyone to PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"
OMG, she's talking about ME!
Apparently these two were local reality TV stars, and this did have a strong whiff of the vanity entry. A level of basic competence was enough for some of us in Lisbon to get unduly excited about their chances of qualifying with this, but ultimately it takes more than a few glowsticks and some straight out of 2003 styling to get a song this flaccid into the finals.
1 x 12 (Suomi)
2 x 0 (Alla, wurst)