Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 6: Armenia, Iceland & Moldova

[VoR]

2nd: Eva Rivas - Apricot Stone (166pts)

Oh they knew exactly what they were doing with the opening shot of this. LOVELY STONE EVA.

I must confess I absolutely the lyrics this song. Just the right side of sincere yet daffy. I don't know exactly what an avatar of love is, but it sounds like a movie I'd enjoy watching.

The performance is perhaps a touch overbaked - Yerevani nose flute man, fierce dancing queen, eyebrows and Chiara are really quite surplus to requirement considering everybody's eyes were surely drawn exclusively to the...um... headline act.

Gay sidebar - my goodness that really is very long hair.

6 x 12 (Pingu, Jacques, Raining on Me, lolly, Ill Advised, dmlaw)
1 x 1 (Superstylin' - clearly more of a leg man)

1st: Iveta Mukuchyan - Lovewave (194pts)

On reflection, Armenia really went off the boil when they lost sight of their Eurovision USP - HOT AND SEXY LADIES.

Seriously, even I crossed my legs a bit watching this beguiling number. Of course it barely even qualifies as a song, but does anybody pay attention to such trivialities in the face of all the fierce heat radiating from this performance?

That sexy instrumental bit with the holograms is definitely in my top 5 11/10 moments from the 2016 Contest, a year which contained no shortage of them.

7 x 12 (VoR, Wurst, Alla, Win The Game, Penelope, Ag, Kalabaliken)
2 x 4 (Raining on Me, Buttertart)

 

[dmlaw]

Some old lady is staring at VoR's screen and wondering what a Srbuk could be as we speak.

 

[Penelope]

LoveWave really is utterly FANTASTISCH as a track. Like Anastacia having a stroke on holiday and then doing a benzo'd up take on cutie of the evening

And that PERFORMANCE!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Will the Oscars have to be delayed for the end of Moldova?

 

[VoR]

Sorry for the delay, I had to jump onto my actual train. WE HAVE MOVEMENT!

The elderly gentleman reading a John Grisham novel seems politely befuddled by my witterings on ARMENIAN TITS

 

[VoR]

Let's do Moldova next and save Iceland for the big finish. (Cannot promise that will be tonight, but I'm SNARKING AS FAST AS I CAN)

 

[Dark Carnival]

Iveta is the sexy woman I want to grow up to become one day.

 

[dmlaw]

If the train isn't actually going to Chisinau then I can't see this getting finished.

 

[Penelope]

Iveta is the sexy woman I want to grow up to become one day.

Oh darling, PLENTY OF TIME TO TRANSITION while you're not rimming anyone tonight

 

[Penelope]

OMG, the recollection of various 11/10 moments from 2016 has reminded me that at some point this contest we're going to have to choose between CONCHITA and ZÖE

 

[Penelope]

I imagine Zdob si Zdub will rightfully be last with that utter cruddy mess, so ahead of time I looked them up and apparently they've got a SWARTHY SEMI-FUCKABLE BEAR these days

 

[Dark Carnival]

I imagine Zdob si Zdub will rightfully be last with that utter cruddy mess

It was a hard choice between that and Eduard Romanyuta, but amen!

 

[VoR]

10th: Zdob și Zdub - So Lucky (11pts)

The lowest-scoring song of this round. I use the word 'song' loosely because really WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

Zdob și Zdub's previous entry, Boonika bate doba - the one with the drumming grandmother (27) - was a delightful slice of Eurovision silliness that really set out their stall as the continent's prime purveyors of winsome nonsense.

Second time around, it wasn't so much a case of diminishing returns as just flagrantly taking the piss.

The stage show with the mid-90s Pet Shop Boys hats and Brooke Shields on a unicycle raises a wry smile, but it's all a bit cynical and forced compared to the enthusiastic innocence of their first try.

1 x 3 (Superstylin)
13 x 0 (Kalabaliken, Zu_klara, Raining on Me, Ag, Penelope, Win The Game, David_5000, Kevin7, Alla, Buttertart, Jacques, Pingu)

 

[dmlaw]

At least neither Zdob si Zdub or Eduard have substituted their personalities for playing the saxophone.

 

[Jacques]

OMG, the recollection of various 11/10 moments from 2016 has reminded me that at some point this contest we're going to have to choose between CONCHITA and ZÖE

Might I suggest NEITHER and going for Trackshittaz instead

 

[win_the_game]

Might I suggest NEITHER and going for Trackshittaz instead

Would rather have the Makemakes thanks.

 

[Alla]

You know something is TERRIBLE when both @Jacques and @Win_the_game gives it a 0 too

 

[Zu]

Might I suggest NEITHER and going for Trackshittaz instead

GETS MY VOTE!

 

[dmlaw]

I feel like these threads would go faster if VoR wasn't listening to the entire song before posting each entry.

 

[VoR]

9th: Eduard Romanyuta - I Want Your Love (53pts)

The unwitting architect of Kitty Brucknell's humiliation, Eduard is a wealthy Ukrainian who, having fallen short in his home country's national selection a couple of times, quite openly bought his ticket to Eurovision via the more riggable Moldovan selection. Reports circulate of him quite openly sitting in the green room with a pile of sim cards, self-voting his way to out in the semis glory.

This really is the most dreadful trash, with a stage show that displays the complete absence of taste and imagination that only a lifetime of living off inherited wealth can buy. I can't even really be bothered dignifying it with an analysis, so instead enjoy this video of the Moldovan artists reacting to his victory with the appropriate level of goodwill and respect.



1 x 8 (Superstylin)
4 x 0 (VoR, Suomi, Dark Carnival, Ill Advised)

 

[Dark Carnival]

I LOVE that video!

 

[dmlaw]

You know, in retrospect, I think I may have been distracted by her arse. That song is not very good.

 

[win_the_game]

'I Want Your Love' always sounded like a rehash of Liberty X's 'Just A Little'.

With even more dated production.

 

[VoR]

8th: Anna Odobescu - Stay (74pts)

Perhaps taking belated revenge for that flagrant bit of theft in 2015, last year's Moldovan hopeful engaged in a bit of tit for tat by shamelessly nicking Ukraine's 2011 gimmick in a failed attempt to enliven this dreary ballad.

Really, who on earth looked at the success of Hey Mamma and Lucky Day and thought THIS was what the public would want from Moldova? Know your audience, guys!

I can't remember who said it, but the comment about the music video that it probably isn't even her own house tickles me to this day. It is the only worthwhile thing to come out of this snoozefest.

1 x 10 (dmlaw)
2 x 0 (Kevin, Wurst)

 

[Zu]

I actually don’t mind ‘I Want Your Love’

I mean obviously it’s a Poundland Max Martin rip-off and derivative of various other things but such shameless plagiarism has never put me off

 

[Dark Carnival]

8th: Anna Odobescu - Stay (74pts)

Perhaps taking belated revenge for that flagrant bit of theft in 2015, last year's Moldovan hopeful engaged in a bit of tit for tat by shamelessly nicking Ukraine's 2011 gimmick in a failed attempt to enliven this dreary ballad.

Really, who on earth looked at the success of Hey Mamma and Lucky Day and thought THIS was what the public would want from Moldova? Know your audience, guys!

I can't remember who said it, but the comment about the music video that it probably isn't even her own house tickles me to this day. It is the only worthwhile thing to come out of this snoozefest.

1 x 10 (dmlaw)
2 x 0 (Kevin, Wurst)

The only reason I remember this is the coke jokes that were made about the performance

 

[dmlaw]

Stay behind both Sunstroke Project songs.

 

[Penelope]

I can't remember who said it, but the comment about the music video that it probably isn't even her own house tickles me to this day. It is the only worthwhile thing to come out of this snoozefest.

That would be @Suomi's (NON-SAUDI) squeeze

Anyway both Stay and I Want Your Love are FABULOUS (albeit the latter SICKENINGLY SO)

 

[Suomi]

8th: Anna Odobescu - Stay (74pts)
I can't remember who said it, but the comment about the music video that it probably isn't even her own house tickles me to this day.

That was my fiancé

 

[Penelope]

Eduard Romanyuta has now blessedly cut his hair and appears to be MIKOLAS JOSEF these days

 

[Suomi]

I do enjoy Stay because it reminds me of a simpler time, in the way that I also really enjoy "Falling Stars". Not everything can be SPECTACULAR, sometimes it's nice just having a piece of toast.

 

[Penelope]

I do enjoy Stay because it reminds me of a simpler time, in the way that I also really enjoy "Falling Stars". Not everything can be SPECTACULAR, sometimes it's nice just having a piece of toast.

THANK YOU! YOU ALL ENJOYED THE 80s AT THE TIME

 

[win_the_game]

Eduard Romanyuta has now blessedly cut his hair and appears to be MIKOLAS JOSEF these days

Eduard's MESSAGE and choice of HASHTAG are rather contrary.

 

[VoR]

7th: Cristina Scarlat - Wild Soul (94pts)

Many of the great Eurovision gimmicks of our time have hailed from Moldova. Thrusting sax player, Drumming crone, a micro-play about sexual harassment in the workplace. And of course, the most groundbreaking of them all - ripping out a ratty old weave while dressed like Daenerys Targaryen's dumpy older sister.

I quite like this one. It's got a nice moody gothic vibe, which makes sense when you learn it was written by a teenager (not Cristina, even Chisinau winters aren't THAT cruel). It's definitely a bit fur coat and no knickers though, and no amount of sexy dancers flinging themselves around with gay abandon could prevent it from becoming Moldova's worst performing entry ever. MERCY!

3 x 10 (Zu Klara, Dark Carnival, David_5000)
1 x 0 (Superstylin)

 

[Penelope]

Eduard's MESSAGE and choice of HASHTAG are rather contrary.

Golddigger is APPARENTLY his new single (not that you could PAY ME to find out what it's like)

 

[Penelope]

What I loved the most about Cristina Scarlat (other than the rather MANNISH VOICE) was that the big moment of ripping out her weave ended up being such a BLINK AND YOU'D MISS IT snooze

SHELL OUT FOR A DECENT CAMERAMAN LUV

 

[Dark Carnival]

7th: Cristina Scarlat - Wild Soul (94pts)

Many of the great Eurovision gimmicks of our time have hailed from Moldova. Thrusting sax player, Drumming crone, a micro-play about sexual harassment in the workplace. And of course, the most groundbreaking of them all - ripping out a ratty old weave while dressed like Daenerys Targaryen's dumpy older sister.

I quite like this one. It's got a nice moody gothic vibe, which makes sense when you learn it was written by a teenager (not Cristina, even Chisinau winters aren't THAT cruel). It's definitely a bit fur coat and no knickers though, and no amount of sexy dancers flinging themselves around with gay abandon could prevent it from becoming Moldova's worst performing entry ever. MERCY!

3 x 10 (Zu Klara, Dark Carnival, David_5000)
1 x 0 (Superstylin)

YOU FOOLS

 

[Zu]

Not me though *overly pleased with self emoji*

I see that the chat lounge girls have all saved their votes for quality goods like HEY MAMMA

 

[VoR]

6th: Pasha Parfeny - Lăutar (95pts)

Moopy, I must confess I LOVE this tat. Utterly gibberish lyrics - How looks that trumpet INDEED - mixed with a possibly problematic but nevertheless charming stage show with much CRAZY DANCING and hopping around like a Duracell bunny on acid. Musically it has that turbo-folk energy down too - it is essentially Ovo Je Balkan with the lesbianism swapped out for a hearty shot of big dick energy.

Fun fact: One of his dancing dollies is of course one Aliona Moon, who we'll be seeing again soon in a very different context.

2 x 10 (Wurst, Kevin)
1 x 0 (dmlaw)

 

[Dark Carnival]

Not me though *overly pleased with self emoji*

Chérie, I know I can count on you! (and David_5000)