Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 7: Belarus, Finland & The Netherlands

8th: Ivan - Help You Fly (82pts)

ai-204001-aux-small-20160512_ivan_new2016_ttt.jpg


In the grand tradition of Belarusian entrants with more money than sense, Help You Fly is a fairly standard issue slice of Eastern European sludge-rock, dressed up in one of the more ludicrous stage shows of recent years.

I mean, where to begin with unpacking this? Ivan's initial plan to perform the entire song naked and surrounded by live wolves was understandably given the kibosh by the EBU, doubtless mindful that the sight of a nude cocaine addict (those eyes!) having his cock torn off by a pissed-off canine might somewhat detract from the night of lovely international pop songs.

So Ivan presumably sniffed another line and came up with the next best thing. He still got to get his scrawny little baps out, though mercifully only for a few tastefully positioned seconds. The wolves were holograms, as were the backing musicians, and for some reason it all ended with an inexplicable baby. Makes sense to me! *sniff*

1 x 10 (Penelope)
1 x 0 (Alla)
 
At least it went a bit VAN HALEN - JUMP and added a bit of ELECTRIC PLEASURE to the sludge!

Truly 2016's most GRIEF INDUCING semi-final loss :(
 
7th: Litesound - We Are the Heroes (83pts)

p02ch26x.jpg


Oh now this one really isn't so bad as far as things like this go. As with all things, it'd be better served in the hands of a doughty old boiler in a glittering minidress, but you take what you can get.

Not much else to say about this. Yes, singer sort of looks like a zero-carb John Barrowman. Yes, it sounds like they're singing about being a brand of German sausage, and yes early 00s male hair really was the absolute worst.

1 x 12 (Suomi)
5 x 1 (Dark Carnival, kevin7, dmlaw, wurst, Superstylin)
 
:D! at Suomi giving that his 12!

I actually for my sins QUITE LIKED THAT once it'd had an electro do-over. OMG I'VE FORGOT TO DO THE INSTA UPDATES SO FAR
 
See apart from the first two rightfully at the bottom the rest isn't AWFUL and it generally gets better proving Belarus are well worth the admission fee
 
OMG GAGGED at Cheesecake coming last! It somehow is sort of a 00 and a 12 simultaneously for me.
Like some sort of dream sequence where your waiter from holiday randomly starts performing some sort of BIZARRE SONG for 3 minutes before plopping your plate on the table and asking if you want another bread basket.

ALSO SHOCKED at Butterflies coming ninth, although my points were literally for the ludicrous wing reveal and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE :disco:
 
wurst said:
ALSO SHOCKED at Butterflies coming ninth, although my points were literally for the ludicrous wing reveal and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE :disco:
Click to expand...
See it's exactly because of stuff like THIS that we don't have Hatari in the final :evil:
 
6th: ALEKSEEV - Forever (86pts)

hqdefault.jpg


More ex-USSR shenanigans here, ALEKSEEV being a Ukrainian pop star who abruptly pulled out his his home country's national selection when the cheque cleared the opportunity arose to try his hand in Belarus.

As is often the case with these things, it was all for naught. This isn't a bad song really, I quite like the whole brooding electro ballad vibe. His voice was piss weak though, and the stage show involving some haggard old crone taking his flower then shooting him through the hand with a bow and arrow before doing the funky grandma around the stage, culminating in the horrific back tattoo reveal that made him look like he'd been brutally mauled by one of Ivan's stray wolves is truly a gas mark 12 in the annals of Belarusian overbaking.

1 x 12 (Raining on Me)
1 x 0 (Ag)
 
Frankly it says it all about how much Eurovision's COME ON this decade that Alekseev felt like a relative chore in that semi.
 
VoR said:
6th: ALEKSEEV - Forever (86pts)

hqdefault.jpg


More ex-USSR shenanigans here, ALEKSEEV being a Ukrainian pop star who abruptly pulled out his his home country's national selection when the cheque cleared the opportunity arose to try his hand in Belarus.

As is often the case with these things, it was all for naught. This isn't a bad song really, I quite like the whole brooding electro ballad vibe. His voice was piss weak though, and the stage show involving some haggard old crone taking his flower then shooting him through the hand with a bow and arrow before doing the funky grandma around the stage, culminating in the horrific back tattoo reveal that made him look like he'd been brutally mauled by one of Ivan's stray wolves is truly a gas mark 12 in the annals of Belarusian overbaking.

1 x 12 (Raining on Me)
1 x 0 (Ag)
Click to expand...
Drivel on every level.
 
VoR said:
6th: ALEKSEEV - Forever (86pts)

hqdefault.jpg


More ex-USSR shenanigans here, ALEKSEEV being a Ukrainian pop star who abruptly pulled out his his home country's national selection when the cheque cleared the opportunity arose to try his hand in Belarus.

As is often the case with these things, it was all for naught. This isn't a bad song really, I quite like the whole brooding electro ballad vibe. His voice was piss weak though, and the stage show involving some haggard old crone taking his flower then shooting him through the hand with a bow and arrow before doing the funky grandma around the stage, culminating in the horrific back tattoo reveal that made him look like he'd been brutally mauled by one of Ivan's stray wolves is truly a gas mark 12 in the annals of Belarusian overbaking.

1 x 12 (Raining on Me)
1 x 0 (Ag)
Click to expand...
Embarrassed is the only way I can describe how everyone I watched this with felt after this perf.
 
I did enjoy watching 'Forever' only to see Alekseev shaking like a shitting dog throughout.

A PERFORMER he is not.
 
:o

Noooo! You awful awful people

I fucking ADORE "Forever" and if we forget the live performance was worse than being gassed it's a TREMENDOUS song. The whole structure, the big orchestral break near the end, the sentiment. It's divine. God even his not at all fiddled with vocals suit the song, as long as he's not actually singing it in person. And they completely watered it down live too.

I really thought it would be a favourite here - it's probably in my top 10 of the DECADE :D:evil:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 1 (members: 0, guests: 1)
Back
Top Bottom