NAR: Ann-Lee DENTS CUNT on BEDSIDE TABLE

[Penelope]

CRIES OF AGONY heard from AFAR

 

[octophone]

She wouldn't have minded but it's not the first time...

 

[Penelope]

BREAKING: Ann-Lee DEAD. Scatman John has offered heartfelt condolences.

 

[Shirley]

Is that the first official DEATH from a DENTED CUNT since LESLIE ASH?

 

[Penelope]

It's become VERY RARE in recent years, thanks to advances in medicine and bedside table safety

Sources are speculating Ann-Lee kept eating Wotsits and putting her finger in the dent

 

[funky]

 

[Joseph]

CLUNGE PLUNGE to blame per Dotmusic Forum COMMANDER IN QUEEF, Ian

 

[Penelope]

ALLEGATIONS that SEAL was masturbating with tortellini in the vicinity are AS YET UNPROVEN

 

[funky]

Local governments in DISSARAY as they struggle to differentiate between SEAL masturbating and A SEAL masturbating, leading to TRAGIC LOSS of money, time and resources as the RSPCA are NEEDLESSLY drafted in to quell the famed UK soul singer from FURTHER DISORDER

 

[Sheena]

OT: It’s fun to stay at the RSPCA

 

[Penelope]

EXOTIC DANCER TO THE STARS Sinitta being EXCLUSIVELY lined up for the funeral

 

[funky]

Rumours that Sinitta was originally unable that day due to needing her BUS PASS renewed have been VIGOROUSLY DENIED by her team

“It’s all filthy LIES” exclaims Sinitta, 29. “I still use my STUDENT RAILCARD!!”

 

[Penelope]

NAR: Sinitta has suddenly cancelled her funeral burlesque performance after CONTRACTING PARASITES.

Funeral organisers A-FLUTTER with the need to COMMISSION A REPLACEMENT SEXY DANCER as Ann-Lee's coffin DESCENDS INTO THE FLAMES