The Ballad of Monday

[octophone]

*yawns*

Morning.

One of the more competent staff members has returned from holiday, which improves the average a bit.

 

[Sheena]

Good Morning Dear Moopy.
Good Morning Dearer Octy.

I'm, quite frankly, NOT IN THE MOOD today. It's GREY, I'm TIRED and I have STUPID bits of work to do and nothing interesting to get my teeth into. BAH HUMBUG.

 

[octophone]

My day has started like that too - lots of little piddly things to sort out and fix before I can get my gnashers into something a bit more fruitful. So be it!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Think I've got things to do this week. Just wanna sleep.

 

[Rachey]

We're banning a lady from our shop for being an utter bitch. I've never banned anyone from anywhere. I'm a bit scared. But, behave like a bitch and we will cut your fudge supply off

 

[jyxz]

We're banning a lady from our shop for being an utter bitch. I've never banned anyone from anywhere. I'm a bit scared. But, behave like a bitch and we will cut your fudge supply off

What did she do? A dirty protest?

 

[Rachey]

What did she do? A dirty protest?

Eew no.

So she's never actually bought anything, she comes in daily for our free samples. On several occasions we've taken samples away at the end of the day and she's demanded some. At first we happily gave her bits. But then she got more and more demanding.

2 weeks ago she came in in front of actual customers, we had no samples out, I told her we didn't have any but if she wanted to buy some she was welcome to try a couple of flavours to decide what she wanted. She made some comment about how "some of us don't have much money and can't afford to buy your fudge, it's very expensive"

So myself and a customer said to her it is a luxury and we don't have to give any samples out.

We've actually since stopped all samples unless people ask and are buying, she came in Saturday asking for some. Mandy said we no longer do them because we're so busy now we can't check on allergies and if a child came in and grabbed a piece with nuts and had an allergy, we would he in trouble.

She screamed at us "oh what a bloody wonderful excuse, amazing, you must be coining it in"...she THEN went to the chip shop next door to complain to them that we weren't giving samples out!! Naturally the chip shop told us, and told her that we give them samples all the time

Anyway, she's an absolute fruit loop, has been rude to my staff and to myself and Mandy, and complained to another business about us, and never actually bought anything.

So she can fuck off.

 

[Dark Carnival]

Morning

Alive, but at what cost?

 

[jyxz]

Eew no.

So she's never actually bought anything, she comes in daily for our free samples. On several occasions we've taken samples away at the end of the day and she's demanded some. At first we happily gave her bits. But then she got more and more demanding.

2 weeks ago she came in in front of actual customers, we had no samples out, I told her we didn't have any but if she wanted to buy some she was welcome to try a couple of flavours to decide what she wanted. She made some comment about how "some of us don't have much money and can't afford to buy your fudge, it's very expensive"

So myself and a customer said to her it is a luxury and we don't have to give any samples out.

We've actually since stopped all samples unless people ask and are buying, she came in Saturday asking for some. Mandy said we no longer do them because we're so busy now we can't check on allergies and if a child came in and grabbed a piece with nuts and had an allergy, we would he in trouble.

She screamed at us "oh what a bloody wonderful excuse, amazing, you must be coining it in"...she THEN went to the chip shop next door to complain to them that we weren't giving samples out!! Naturally the chip shop told us, and told her that we give them samples all the time

Anyway, she's an absolute fruit loop, has been rude to my staff and to myself and Mandy, and complained to another business about us, and never actually bought anything.

So she can fuck off.

Does she ask the chip shop for samples….?

 

[Rachey]

Does she ask the chip shop for samples….?

I asked the chip shop that and no she doesn't, just us! We get it a lot to be honest but she's the worst. So we've just stopped doing samples now unless we know the people are buying and just want to see which is their favourite.

I was livid when she left!

 

[Jocasta Clun]

Darling you've showed REMARKABLE RESTRAINT. If it were me she'd be in the FUDGE BOILER by now. You could have just told her that FREE SAMPLES have been DISCONTINUED due to VULGAR AND UNCOUTH PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE

 

[Zu]

@Rachey Kick her to the ground if she even tries to come in again

 

[Zu]

I can’t imagine going ANYWHERE and asking for free samples. I’d be so embarrassed

 

[Zu]

@Rachey Kick her to the ground if she even tries to come in again

Also PUNCH IT

 

[octophone]

I can’t imagine going ANYWHERE and asking for free samples. I’d be so embarrassed

I know! Just STEAL for fuck's sake. You can at least frame shoplifting as an anti-capitalist gesture.

 

[Jocasta Clun]

I mean darling just imagine MARCHING IN and screaming WHERE ARE THE FREE SAMPLES THEN YOU MISERABLE OLD SOW

 

[COB]

What you want to do is ban her properly, big photo of her with DO NOT SERVE on the front door etc, THEN you bring back the free samples so she can see everyone else enjoying them from outside through that lovely big window

 

[Zu]

Unless the fudge flavours are dementedly avant-garde (concrete, kidney, oak tree, etc.), I’m not sure that there’s even a NEED for samples although I do support what @COB just said

 

[Zu]

People do generally know what individual flavours taste like unless they’ve just popped out of the womb and would you demand samples at Tesco? NO!

I say NO to GRABBY SCABS

 

[RJN]

Are customers more likely to buy fudge after trying a sample?

 

[Rachey]

Darling you've showed REMARKABLE RESTRAINT. If it were me she'd be in the FUDGE BOILER by now. You could have just told her that FREE SAMPLES have been DISCONTINUED due to VULGAR AND UNCOUTH PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE

if she comes in again that is basically what we're going to say to her. Then advise her she is no longer welcome in our shop.

 

[Rachey]

Are customers more likely to buy fudge after trying a sample?

It depends, like Zu says, most people generally know what flavours taste like, but some people don't even know what fudge is, or they think it's that horrible stuff you buy in a box to thank someone for looking after the cat.

I'd say 95% of people that try a sample if we have them out, then buy. But I also don't think not having them out has made any difference to our sales.

 

[Zu]

Who ARE these people who don’t even know what fudge is? ()

 

[Rachey]

Who ARE these people who don’t even know what fudge is? ()

Italians and Japanese mostly we've found. But they're also not the sort to clear our samples board. They're polite.

 

[Zu]

Mummy! Mummy! There’s a THING COMING OUT OF THE GRASS AND MOVING AROUND! I’m VERY FRIGHTENED!

Oh darling that’s a TREE

 

[Zu]

Italians and Japanese mostly we've found. But they're also not the sort to clear our samples board. They're polite.

Unlike the BRITS I BET

OPEN YOUR TOTE JILL I’LL GRAB THE BOARD AND TIP IT IN

 

[Rachey]

Unlike the BRITS I BET

OPEN YOUR TOTE JILL I’LL GRAB THE BOARD AND TIP IT IN

Yes, absolutely this

 

[GNL]

Now I want to know why Italians are holidaying on the Isle of Wight.

 

[Rachey]

Now I want to know why Italians are holidaying on the Isle of Wight.

Oh we get all sorts here

The Germans and South Africans are my favourite because they have beautiful accents.

 

[GNL]

Growing up, I used to see the occasional tourist wandering around my hometown and wondered what on Earth had brought them there. Was it Dickens World? Those poor fools.

 

[Zu]

Oh we get all sorts here

The Germans and South Africans are my favourite because they have beautiful accents.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen the SA accent described as “beautiful” although I love it on the MEN. All that delicious vowel mangling AND enormous thighs

 

[Rachey]

South African accent is easily my most favourite accent ever. Followed by Irish and then German.

 

[Rita]

Oh we get all sorts here

The Germans and South Africans are my favourite because they have beautiful accents.

Oh yes both absolute STUNNING accents.

 

[Rachey]

I rarely find people who agree with me about those accents. Most people seem to like Italian and French.

 

[COB]

I'm really not a fan of the South African accent in general, with one big exception of course:

 

[Rita]

I rarely find people who agree with me about those accents. Most people seem to like Italian and French.

I would have to say the Italian accent does it for me, that’s why I married one. He was also very good looking, hung like a horse and a GRADE A PRICK.

 

[Zu]

I'm really not a fan of the South African accent in general, with one big exception of course:

I’ll keep Os du Randt for myself then

 

[K.C.]

I went to a gay housewarming party on the weekend. 30+ gays all crammed into one place. I need new ear drums.

 

[Dark Carnival]

... and then German.