What do you want for Christmas?

funky said:
I just meant any type of masturbation is a success, whether you finish or not, SURELY...
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Not when you're that level of HORNY beyond the means of normality that only chemicals can bring and NOTHING WILL FUCKING WORK
 
Hang on, does Funky just rub and then give up?

I really want a nice stoned wank now. Tremendous fun.
 
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Oh I don't even need to finish. EDGING IS THE THING. Long wanks are better than short wanks anyway.
 
And don't get me started on how I can NEVER GET IT UP on drugs, so I generally decide, if I'm home, to BOSH an emergency viagra half an hour before I plan to throw everyone out, end up with an erection whilst people are still SITTING AROUND, which then often DIES again cause someone gives me something else, then I finally chuck them out and take another one and the next day that hardon JUST WON'T GO THE FUCK AWAY.

Never get old, people, never get old...
 
I want some appreciation for coming into a Christmas thread and steering it into a topic about wanking. YOU'RE ALL WELCOME.
 
funky said:
Oh I don't even need to finish. EDGING IS THE THING. Long wanks are better than short wanks anyway.
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Yeah, edging is fun, but only because you edge until a POINT, surely?
 
OMG, FUNKY IS THAT BOY WHO DOESN'T CUM CAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO MESS THE SHEETS/ LEAPS UP AT THE END OF SEX FOR A SHOWER/ WANKS INTO A CONDOM

We know. WE KNOW.
 
Sheena said:
Totally just had an MDMA saliva moment reading that.

I can't actually remember the last time I did drugs either. August Bank Holiday I think. Lovely day of drinking and a BBQ, drugs from 6 ("start early, finish early) and home by 1 to masturbate unsuccessfully for six hours, just in time for Mr Sheena to get up and for me to pretend to be asleep on the sofa whilst the room smells of cigarettes and poppers.

HOW I MISS MY LIFE!
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I ended up with a minor friction burn on the sunday morning. Guess where :D
 
Sheena said:
Yeah, edging is fun, but only because you edge until a POINT, surely?
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I dunno, I just think once you've found some good porn (or had a nice fantasy story lined up if you're more of the imaginative type) it's better to keep that feeling going, rather than going for the quick win.

Maybe this is why I'm always late for things.
 
funky said:
I dunno, I just think once you've found some good porn (or had a nice fantasy story lined up if you're more of the imaginative type) it's better to keep that feeling going, rather than going for the quick win.

Maybe this is why I'm always late for things.
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Nothing wrong with that, but surely it has to END at some point! Otherwise, what's the POINT!
 
Oh yeah I do always end. I just DRAG IT OUT because it FEELS NICE
 
So basically all we want for christmas is a lod of drugs and a 5 hour wank
 
Oh @big ron while you're here, I'm looking to get a nice cheap pipe for weed. Not sure if that's your thing, but I'm shit at the terminology. Anything to look out for?

Surprisingly many on Amazon.
 
Ag said:
Oh @big ron while you're here, I'm looking to get a nice cheap pipe for weed. Not sure if that's your thing, but I'm shit at the terminology. Anything to look out for?

Surprisingly many on Amazon.
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Look at a budbomb, all the ones on amazon are fakes of the original but same design etc.
 
Sheena said:
OT: We scattered my Dad's ashes today by the way. It was at the crematorium memorial gardens as he wanted to be where his Mum and Dad were thrown to the wind.

It really is a RUM OLD AFFAIR. None of the ceremony of a funeral, you just watch someone basically leak him out of a kettle and then go home. VERY bizarre. I asked them to give me a bit separately which I'm going to put into the soil into his allotment which I've inherited. I think he'd quite like the idea of being next year's carrots.
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In this Facebook gardening group I'm in, quite often people put ashes in a spot and then plant something (mostly roses) to grow from them. It think its quite nice! Especially if you can get a similar named rose/plant.
 
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