Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 10: Bulgaria, France & Georgia

Who in their right mind heard this and thought, oh the would go down a treat at the Eurovision Song Contest?
 
That one actually became TRAGICALLY INCREDIBLE as it went on. The sense that you could tell they were all really going for it (albeit on exceptionally limp material) in the last minute almost verged on endearing, and rounding it off with the golden shower was just the CHERRY ON THE CAKE :disco: Least successful use of it EVER?
 
9th: Anri Jokhadze - I'm a Joker (46pts)

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It never fails to amaze me how the institutionally homophobic countries of the former Soviet Union so often allow themselves to be represented by the most outrageous homosexuals. :D

Apparently known as the Golden Voice of Georgia, Anri was clearly... working through some stuff with this entry, which throws everything into the kitchen sink and then rims it. Alas, Europe wasn't quite ready for his audio-visual interpretation of a gay psychotic meltdown and it became the country's first ever non-qualifier.

At the time Georgia felt like one of those nations that could armpit-fart their way into the finals, so I was actively rooting against this. Now that it's safely condemned to the obscurities drawer, I kind of enjoy how completely batshit it is. A curious mix of talent, hubris and absolutely zero restraint or taste level whatsoever. Honestly, it's worthy of Russia on an off year. :disco:

1 x 10 (Raining On Me)
6 x 0 (Kalabaliken, Alla, Penelope, Jacques, Ill Advised, Win The Game)
 
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Oh come on moopy you joyless buggers, there are at least 3 entries from the second half of the decade that are worse than this rubbishgai.
 
DISGUSTING ON EVERY LEVEL. And not even in the GOOD WAY!

I mean HONESTLY, talk about the WORST FUCKING CHORUS EVER. It's all very MIMI IMFURST
 
8th: The Shin & Mariko - Three Minutes To Earth (55pts)

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Is this the most baked Eurovision entry of all time? I struggle to think of another that I could more easily imagine being subjected to while ingesting hallucinogenic mushrooms and running naked through a field. Come to think of it, what better way to while away a Coronavirus lockdown? :disco:

A classic of the 'allegedly entirely sung in English' micro-genre, I'm always amused when I re-watch the Semi Final this was in by the occasional green room shots of them absolutely bricking it when the results came in. I don't know exactly what drugs they were on that genuinely made them think this could qualify, but I absolutely want in with their dealer.

Other classic Shin hits on Spotify include 'Chips on the Water', 'What's Up Changala?' and 'Potato Story'. Bangers one and all...

1 x 10 (David_5000)
3 x 0 (dmlaw, sewerynsven, Raining on Me)
 
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I didn't think much of it musically AT ALL at the time, but in context amidst the rest of the LARGELY HORRIFYING Georgian dirge I QUITE CAME ROUND TO IT :D

I think my particular favourite bit has to be the opening segment where the lead singer, BEDECKED in GLAMOROUS GREEN, attempts a hemp-scented rendition of Helena Paparizou's SEXY ARM-TO-ARM BACK DANCING from the Antique - Die For You performance :disco: A continent of teenage boys no doubt SIMILARLY MESMERED
 
7th: Oto Nemsadze - Keep On Going (62pts)

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Another obvious crowd pleaser here. So catchy! So uplifting! :)

Jokes aside, I do genuinely like this one quite a bit. :D Old Oto's certainly a bit on the...erm... intense side, but he belts it out with some gusto and connects with the camera really well, even if it does look like he could to reach through the screen and start throttling you at any moment. I'm not saying I'd quite enjoy that, but I'm not not saying that either.

The bit where it goes fully satanic and Ethno Jazz Band Iraio emerge from the flames with some dramatic BVs really is peak Eurovision batshittery, of a sort.

1 x 12 (wurst)
3 x 0 (Pingu, Kevin, David_5000)
 
I've just noticed his co-option of "love is love" there :D I mean I SUPPOSE the point of the phrase was its universality but I still can't help but feel it's a bit APPROPRIATIVE
 
VoR said:
7th: Oto Nemsadze - Keep On Going (62pts)

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Another obvious crowd pleaser here. So catchy! So uplifting! :)

Jokes aside, I do genuinely like this one quite a bit. :D Old Oto's certainly a bit on the...erm... intense side, but he belts it out with some gusto and connects with the camera really well, even if it does look like he could to reach through the screen and start throttling you at any moment. I'm not saying I'd quite enjoy that, but I'm not not saying that either.

The bit where it goes fully satanic and Ethno Jazz Band Iraio emerge from the flames with some dramatic BVs really is peak Eurovision batshittery, of a sort.

1 x 12 (wurst)
3 x 0 (Pingu, Kevin, David_5000)
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What a THOROUGHLY unappealing package. Ugly fucker, unlistenable shit, pure garbage.
 
Most of the remaining songs are verging on acceptable, albeit most of them could find their place as the main song from a third rate Disney film from the early 2000s.
 
6th: Tamara Gachechiladze - Keep The Faith (100pts)

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A relatively sane effort by Georgian standards, almost disappointingly so - especially considering it was penned by the I'm a Joker homo.

It's essentially a big old Bond Theme with the requisite 17 key changes and some very dramatic microphone flinging. Narrowly missed out on qualifying, it would have been an inoffensive but ultimately fairly pointless addition to the final that year.

Tamara had Eurovision previous as part of the disqualified 2009 group 3G and their very subtle Russia-baiting entry 'We Don't Wanna Put In'. Must have taken the full power of the KGB to crack that code.

1 x 12 (Suomi)
4 x 2 (Raining on Me, Jacques, wurst, sewerynsven)
 
OMG at Suomi giving that his 12

I was similarly tempted - not only for the near RELIGIOUS POWER of those 43 key changes, but also because I've always had fond memories of it ever since I found out singing the objectively terrible chorus was a socially appropriate, interesting and delightful way of breaking silences among friends :disco:

Anyway then I remembered it was awful and gave it a SIX
 
VoR said:
6th: Tamara Gachechiladze - Keep The Faith (100pts)

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A relatively sane effort by Georgian standards, almost disappointingly so - especially considering it was penned by the I'm a Joker homo.

It's essentially a big old Bond Theme with the requisite 17 key changes and some very dramatic microphone flinging. Narrowly missed out on qualifying, it would have been an inoffensive but ultimately fairly pointless addition to the final that year.

Tamara had Eurovision previous as part of the disqualified 2009 group 3G and their very subtle Russia-baiting entry 'We Don't Wanna Put In'. Must have taken the full power of the KGB to crack that code.

1 x 12 (Suomi)
4 x 2 (Raining on Me, Jacques, wurst, sewerynsven)
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Awful. To be clear I gave this a THREE.
 
Tamara was fucked over royally with that running order. Over the past 8 years or so, a disproportionate number of songs who finished 11th in the semi final were performed either first or second - Valentina, Eduard Romanyuta, aforementioned Tamara, Tiana Bogićević, Aisel, The Humans - 6 out of 16. Most of them would have probably qualified had they been on later.
 
5th: Eldrine - One More Day (102pts)

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Georgia do Evanescence, essentially. I can't say I find much to enjoy in this shouty bollocks, but I suppose it's at least recognisable as music, which combined with a plum spot in the running order helped them to match their all-time peak of 9th place in the finals.

I can't think of much else to say about this one really. The dress is hideous and the chorus is just incomprehensible shouting. One of my least favourite types of Eurovision song. In retrospect, I feel like I did Ethno Jazz Band Iraio a bit dirty by marking them below this.

1 x 12 (Dark Carnival)
4 x 1 (VoR, Penelope, Suomi, Raining on Me)
 
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I liked One More Day. If it didn't have the deeply inept rapping that was something of a feature of the 2011 contest, it may have gotten even more points from me.
 
Really just UNPLEASANT. I get that anything of that ilk will always have its vote in the final, but I can't really see the rationale for it finishing above Taken By A Stranger and Blue.
 
This song was my piss break in the final that year, but I timed it perfectly as it was the last performed song of the show. I managed to get to the front of the queue at the bar before the HORDES of people came out after it. 2 minutes later and the queue was 30 people deep. I just about managed to carry the tray of 16 drinks over to where my 3 friends were waiting. :D
 
4th: Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold (109pts)

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A very surprising qualifier from 2016 - even they seemed thoroughly bemused by the whole thing, although that may have just been the comedown.

I laughed long and hard at the UK jury giving this quintessential REAL MUSIC douze points in the final. That's still an utterly ridiculous decision, but on revisiting the Georgian crop I surprisingly found that this was actually my favourite.:o It's musically interesting, the stage show is fantastic, it changes enough to not wear out its welcome and the Ecstasy fuelled 'Happy Birthday to my mother!' was pretty sweet.

Just call me Fearne Cotton, I guess?

3 x 12 (VoR, Win The Game, David_5000 - I love that it took the madness of Georgia to get me and Win The Game on the same musical page :D)
1 x 0 (Kevin7)
 
VoR said:
Oh, screw it...

Georgia

10th: Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao - For You (43pts)

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Obviously this selection was a true embarrassment of riches, but somebody has to come last, so commiserations to these hot Georgian daddies and their catchy bop.

Prior to Eurovision, the band just went by the name Iriao, but they decided to add the Ethno Jazz Bank bit for Lisbon just in case anybody got confused and thought this was a dubstep record. Genre-branding, it's important!

As soporific as this is, I do kind of feel bad for them singing their humble Georgian hearts out to an audience of bored gays who were almost certainly all looking at their phones throughout. Nothing offensive here, and I'm sure the one with the monobrow has played a star turn in many a Zu-Klara fever dream, but this is the definition of Semi Final filler.

2 x 5 (Jacques, Win The Game)
6 x 0 (VoR, wurst, Suomi, Dark Carnival, Ag, Buttertart)
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I really like this and would have given it many points but I only got back into Eurovision in 2016 so haven’t been able to participate

love Twin Twin as well
 
Was it really his mother's birthday or was this a desperate grasp for sympathy votes given the clear shittiness of the song? I'd have watched the semi final performance to check but I didn't think I could bear it again.
 
I really came around to Midnight Gold y'know. LOVE the "ooh, my ECCY'S JUST KICKED IN!" disco break!
 
VoR said:
4th: Nika Kocharov & Young Georgian Lolitaz - Midnight Gold (109pts)

Georgia_eurovision_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqqVzuuqpFlyLIwiB6NTmJwfSVWeZ_vEN7c6bHu2jJnT8.jpg


A very surprising qualifier from 2016 - even they seemed thoroughly bemused by the whole thing, although that may have just been the comedown.

I laughed long and hard at the UK jury giving this quintessential REAL MUSIC douze points in the final. That's still an utterly ridiculous decision, but on revisiting the Georgian crop I surprisingly found that this was actually my favourite.:o It's musically interesting, the stage show is fantastic, it changes enough to not wear out its welcome and the Ecstasy fuelled 'Happy Birthday to my mother!' was pretty sweet.

Just call me Fearne Cotton, I guess?

3 x 12 (VoR, Win The Game, David_5000 - I love that it took the madness of Georgia to get me and Win The Game on the same musical page :D)
1 x 0 (Kevin7)
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I don’t understand this result. I just don’t.
 
3rd: Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani - Waterfall (138pts)

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In which Georgia spin their Eurovision wheel of fortune and land on 'Warmed over G:Son Cast Off'.

This really is a shameless rehash of 'In a Moment Like This', right down to the female singer clearly being much, much more into it than the male. Seriously, look at her eyes at 1.35 and tell me poor Nodi didn't have to file a restraining order when they got back to Tbilisi...

A classic case of bellowing romantically into each others faces while standing less than a foot apart. There's nothing to it whatsoever beyond that, and I kinda detested it at the time. Nowadays I find its dated slapdashery kind of endearing.

"In a mowment like dis, I'm in a state of bleeeez"

3 x 12 (Ag, Penelope, Pingu)
1 x 1 (Win The Game)
 
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