My Top 500 Songs (complete!!)

132 Rihanna - Disturbia (2008)

The penultimate appearance from Rihanna. You'd be forgiven for thinking I only like the slick EDM bangers from Ri. Indeed they're the ones that appear on the Top 500, but I'm also partial to Man Down, California King Bed, Unfaithful, Rude Boy...

Don't play this song, it makes Chris Brown slightly richer.

 
131 ABBA - Don't Shut Me Down (2021)

Insane that of the two ABBA comeback singles, this clearly played second fiddle compared to ISHFIY (in that it didn't have a video) and went on to be their first top 10 hit in forty years, which is of course, absolutely remarkable.

The absolute standout from the Voyage project, and as good as anything from their peak era. Agnetha is on surprisingly charming form, dealing with nostalgia, a lost love, recovery and return, hugely symbolic for their grand return. It still absolutely thrills me that ABBA came back, it always seemed so impossible. I'm finally seeing Voyage next month, I can't wait!

 
Don't Shut Me Down is pitched just right. Their punctilious flair clearly intact - the synth pop is crisp and full of flourishes, the lyrics brittle and yet awakened into one of their classic, angular sing-a-long soars. It's really touching, mundanely humorous and eerily and ear-wormingly familiar as it is deceptively ambitious. The big, major keeper for me.
 
130 Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Relax (1984)

FGTH ran so... well to be fair I don't think anything really was quite so commercial AND overtly homosexual, (with an emphasis on homo AND sexual) that followed for about forty years. Disappointingly I was referring to Sam Smith and Lil Nas X, so really FGTH stand alone and mighty.

About as subtle as a car bomb and twice as fun.

The 2009 remix was pretty fun for those who like a fresher beat.



 
129 Sia - Chandelier (2014)

I have no idea what to think about Sia really. I know she certainly provokes some negative comments on here. To be honest while I enjoyed quite a few of her early 10s bops, I do blame her for the decline into the abyss of bland anaemic nothing burger pop that dominated the decade. That being said I think this is one of best pop songs the decade.

 
127 Kylie Minogue - Better the Devil You Know (1990)

When I wrote this, I never dreamed, that it would become an anthem for thousands of fan waving, glitter coated, homosexual perverts to freely express themselves in public. Even my good personal friend and notorious eligible bachelor boy Cliff confessed to enjoying it with the company of his gentlemen friends. In the end I gave it to filth peddler Waterman and "you have it, I don't like what it's become". - Mary Whitehouse

She sends her ill regards and hopes you all get clean soon.

 
126 Girls Aloud - Something New (2012)

Relentless pop at it's most relentless. An absolute triumph to finish their astonishing career on. I never went to their comeback shows, but the clip of this where they virtually salute Sarah, is both charismatic hi-nrg joy and heartbreak combined.

MAKE SONGS LIKE THIS AGAIN



 
“Cry For You” is the greatest europop song of all time. Even this snobby old house music purist loves this shit. TUNE.
 
Sia’s pop music has dated terribly. Except for the Sia songs that are sung by other people. Which really does prove that she’s a wonderful songwriter but she doesn’t need to be so SHOUTY all the time.

Her early alt-pop music remains majestic though. I encourage anyone who has never explored to fully explore. Like a cross between Goldfrapp, Massive Attack and Amy Winehouse.
 
I loved Chandelier at the time, but agree that I'm now weary of it simply because of how much SHOUTY BIG BOOM CHORUS stuff it inspired after. Especially her own work - Alive and Unstoppable just felt like pastiches.

I find Elastic Heart is the one that's aged the best - maybe because it didn't get quite the overplay of the others, but the production remains TOP NOTCH. Best forget the video though.

But oh for a return to mellow drawling Zero 7 Sia :(
 
Sia has one of the oddest careers in mainstream pop. More than a decade as a underrated gay internet darling, followed by a year or so as a songwriter of incredible diva ballads, and then one of the most annoying and overrated "imperial eras" of any pop star ever. I have a sense that she's an awful person, ruined by Hollywood, but I'm not sure why.
 
I was gonna say Cheap Thrills is her best song because she doesn't shout it for a change, but then I remembered Breathe Me. Totally forgot about that gem.
 
“Breathe Me” is wonderful but it’s from her pre-Chandelier era, so it’s only one of many wonderful songs. I would put “Destiny”, “Beautiful Calm Driving”, “I Go To Sleep” and “Dont Bring Me Down” ahead of it.
 
We Are Born is the album I'm most familiar with. In fact, I'm putting Cloud on now, her mouth full of cum vocals soar right up to them.
 
Agneeta said:
126 Girls Aloud - Something New (2012)

Relentless pop at it's most relentless. An absolute triumph to finish their astonishing career on. I never went to their comeback shows, but the clip of this where they virtually salute Sarah, is both charismatic hi-nrg joy and heartbreak combined.

MAKE SONGS LIKE THIS AGAIN



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I remember when this came out and I must have listened to it on repeat for DAYS. It still sounds fresh and I'll never get sick of it.
 
125 Ariana Grande - Break Free (2014)

When that terrible thing happened (she stopped making good pop music) I kinda hoped this absolutely shameless EDM banger would be the break out hit. It wasn't, and she's only just started to recover.

Either way, this still hits, mainly due to her abilities, rather than inspite of them.

 
124 RuPaul - Sissy That Walk (2014)

Honestly if Drag Race had ended around lockdown, it wouldn't have mattered to me, because I was done with it all. This stands as testament to what was great and good about it all once.

I'm sure contained within is some terrible life advice, that contradicts the rest of it. Please retire.

 
123 Sash! - Ecuador (1997)

Remarkable, how well his back catalogue stands up (although I'll defend any old 90s dance tut), this is such uplifting joyous nonsense, I'd like to think even dear old Funky lifts his hands a little. This came out when I was at college, and there was a college trip to Ecuador. Fifty guaranteed sales from Essex.

 
Sash is basically Faithless gone europop and I get it, commmercial dance is meant to be a watered down version of something else.

But yes you’re right, I do MILDLY BOP to Sash!. Diminishing returns though - Encore Un Fois was the banger, then a couple of albums of ok to good. But by the third album it was all quite tragic. He really stretched that sound out.

The exception of course being Just Around The Hill which is a wonderful song. I do prefer the downtempo version though.
 
Agneeta said:
123 Sash! - Ecuador (1997)

Remarkable, how well his back catalogue stands up (although I'll defend any old 90s dance tut), this is such uplifting joyous nonsense, I'd like to think even dear old Funky lifts his hands a little. This came out when I was at college, and there was a college trip to Ecuador. Fifty guaranteed sales from Essex.

Click to expand...

Dame tu mano

Y venga conmigo

Vámonos al viaje para buscar los sonidos mágicos

ECUADOR!
 
122 Tomcraft - Loneliness (2002)

File under unlikely no.1 hits, this moody slab of electro-techno is absolutely spine chilling and thrilling all at once.

HER PENIS AND LOW ANUS

 
121 Kate Bush - This Woman's Work (1989)

Feeling sore from the whiplash, moving from the late DJ Tomcraft to the very alive, occasionally present Miss Bush. An absolutely crushing, devastating piece about child birth, an unlikely theme for a song that wormed it's way into public affection over the years. I always recall the video, as Captain Darling plays the father. Weep away.

 
120 DJ Quicksilver - Bellissima (1997)

Back to the bops, my recall of this joyous fairground bangle was every other food truck at Glastonbury 1997 was playing this (I was there, it was a disgusting washout, DJ Quicksilver was not).

Please explain did he have anything to do with the chav bags?

 
119 Kim Wilde - You Came (1988)

One of my favourite YouTube comments I've seen on this mission so far, that isn't "who's here in Feb 2026?" or "My husband died of cancer and Kim brought him great joy" is this likely anti-woke comment:

1000049852.jpg


I agree, what a fucking talent.

Our Kim does seem to inspire quite a rabid fanbase, which is hardly surprising with absolute 10/10 hard bops like this, which was several years into her career, having faced her fair share of flops. Her Mighty Hoopla set changed my life for the better by a good few per cent.

 
Bellissima was good fun, but I think so easily mixed up with the very similar Sash! sound emerging at the same time, that poor old DJ Quicksilver was swiftly forgotten when the former became Eurotrance's frontman instead.

I only learnt this year that DJ Quicksilver was also Watergate of "Heart Of Asia" semi-fame.
 
Shoat said:
Bellissima was good fun, but I think so easily mixed up with the very similar Sash! sound emerging at the same time, that poor old DJ Quicksilver was swiftly forgotten when the former became Eurotrance's frontman instead.

I only learnt this year that DJ Quicksilver was also Watergate of "Heart Of Asia" semi-fame.
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Oh they were all fannying about with aliases.
 
I wonder what the rationale was. Was it just that once one single bombed, they assumed they would forever be chart poison so needed to pretend to be a newcomer to trick the Radio Ones?
 
Shoat said:
I wonder what the rationale was. Was it just that once one single bombed, they assumed they would forever be chart poison so needed to pretend to be a newcomer to trick the Radio Ones?
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Probably.

I mean Rollo had more than one for the same project. Rollo Goes Camping, Rollo Goes Mystic. It's a shame Rollo Goes Mudlarking never saw the light of day.
 
Trying to think of others Doollally were also Shanks & Bigfoot. Paul Masterson was Amen! UK, Yomanda and Candy Girls. Norman Cook had several before settling on Fatboy Slim.
 
The aliases were mostly used to assign different genres as a lot of DJ producers worked across multiple dance genres and they were worried their song would be ignored if the industry had pigeonholed them.

Dave Lee was the most prolific: aka Joey Negro, Jakatta, Raven Maize, Sunburst Band, Akabu, to name a few.
 
funky said:
The aliases were mostly used to assign different genres as a lot of DJ producers worked across multiple dance genres and they were worried their song would be ignored if the industry had pigeonholed them.

Dave Lee was the most prolific: aka Joey Negro, Jakatta, Raven Maize, Sunburst Band, Akabu, to name a few.
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And yet Ed Sheeran has spent the last 15 years hopping on the coattails of so many genres that the only way you can define him is 'wanker' and no one complains.
 
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