126 uses for a candle

35. To be mispronounced as Condle in a rendition of Candle In The Wind and for that to be the reason why you didn't get through Judges' Houses on X Factor circa 2008.
 
That's to remove a canal by the way - not porn involving a Geordie TV presenter.
 
37. Light up the ROOM!

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40. To light up the room when you are being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and/or future.
 
41. To gently warm your heroin before IVing into a bollock vein.
 

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