Cumgate: The Ineffable Survival of Dominic Cummings

[Peekaboo]

Is he RATTLED?

(Since Theresa May I can't bear to watch any of this LOT's HALF TRUTHS in press conferences)

 

[Soldi]

All I can hear is the NOISE!

IKR, what an AWFUL voice on the bloke.

 

[nerys]

I can’t at this sound

It was probably planned. Distract from the guff coming out of his mouth and give social media something to laugh about. The equivalent of “look over there”. This will have been stage managed to within an inch of its life.

 

[Zu]

“Jemima! How many times have I told you that GREENSLEEVES doesn’t sound like that! Put it DOWN!”

 

[Suomi]

Boris Johnson operating a belt sander, completely forgetting his best mate is outside telling a meandering story to the press.

I am dead

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Oh FATHER OF THE YEAR.

 

[Apoca]

He's a prostitute. There were so few young pretty gay people willing to openly support mental causes such as Brexit and the Conservative Party - TV accepts anyone. He's willing to say anything to get famous.

Well, he's certainly sleeping his way up the BBC ranks from all I've heard, so...

 

[Zu]

Is this EVER GOING TO END?

 

[Soldi]

Which MOOPY MEMBER lives closest to Downing Street? Pop on a bit of SOLOVEY.

 

[VoR]

What is this BORING RAMBLING SHIT?

 

[cwej]

No wonder he was late. This fucking essay must have taken DAYS to write.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Despite all this HE STILL BROKE THE VERY CLEAR RULES.

 

[Shirley]

They still don't GET IT

He needs to say I FUCKED UP and APOLOGISE

Nobody wants PEDANTIC JUSTIFICATIONS

 

[Soldi]

Sounds like a shit version of This Is Going To Hurt.

 

[Lucille]

Omg he drive to the castle just to see if he could! Does ANYONE buy this!

 

[nerys]

Flashbacks to the list of rules for a certain song contest.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

HE TESTED HIS DRIVING?

NO ONE DOES THIS!

 

[jivafox]

Well, he's certainly sleeping his way up the BBC ranks from all I've heard, so...

He wears a chastity cage and lets old Tories hold the key.

 

[ZenGiraffe]

...he is admitting everything. Yet saying he shouldn't resign?

 

[cwej]

They still don't GET IT

He needs to say I FUCKED UP and APOLOGISE

Nobody wants PEDANTIC JUSTIFICATIONS

I'm not sure he's even giving justifications. He's just telling us a story. It's totally ridiculous. We just want the main points Cummings you absolute cunt.

 

[Madison]

He was there!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

NOBODY TESTS THEIR DRIVING!!!

 

[Lucille]

So he BROKE THE RULES. This is so clear cut.

 

[ButterTart]

This is absolute bullshit. Nothing he’s saying excuses him, all he’s done is tell us other lockdown rules he violated.

This surely won’t wash with anyone.

 

[COB]

Oh here we go, blame it all on poor little Ploppy Pants

 

[cwej]

OMG - he's admitting the second day!! That's the first time he's done that right?

 

[Madison]

He felt sick - what the fuck was he doing?

 

[Lucille]

If he was so worried about his ability to drive, why did he bring his wife and kid with him!!!

 

[Soldi]

Oh FUCK OFF

 

[VoR]

OH MY GOD SHUT UP

 

[AGinAg (37)]

 

[Zu]

No-one cares about all this insane amount of detail! PRÉCIS IT!

 

[Soldi]

Your mothers brother is your UNCLE sweetie.

 

[cwej]

We didn't break any social distancing rules?!

YOU DID. You were not allowed to DRIVE to have any exercise until after the changed rules.

This is ASTONISHING.

 

[Apoca]

He wears a chastity cage and lets old Tories hold the key.

Quite possibly

 

[Ellie]

 

[Madison]

He's never been respectful about anything.

 

[Lucille]

Neither of us remember the conversation.

Are they serious!

 

[Madison]

Why did your short journey go to a populated place?

 

[AGinAg (37)]