Moopy's Greatest Dance Anthems: THE RESULTS SUPERTHREAD

What should we do with the final 50?

  • Let us rate them for a more accurate result, you fucking tyrant!

    Votes: 7 41.2%

  • Just use the results you've already got, you attention seeking cunt!

    Votes: 10 58.8%
  • Total voters
    17
TWENTY-ONE points each, this lot got. They don’t know they’re born.

147

Tomcraft – Loneliness
2002, Germany, No. 1 smash in 2003! Another chart-topper falls by the wayside, probably because it’s a personal favourite of mine. This samples ‘Share the Love’ by Andrea Martin, and was itself sampled by Will Young in 2015 for ‘Love Revolution’. Andrea Martin wrote two UK number ones in 2003, the other being ‘Breathe’ by Sean Paul & Blu Cantrell (or ‘John Nipple on a blue cunt rail’ as our Sean slurs during the intro).


146

LMC vs U2 – Take Me to the Clouds Above
2004, UK, No 1 smash! A much more respectable placing this time round for Rachel McFarlane, she who looks a bit like a melting Sherri Shepherd. This is also another Whitney conquest, as it samples ‘How Will I Know’, as well as ‘With or Without You’ by some Irish nonentities. LMC are Lee Monteverde, Matt Cadman and Chris Nuttall, as if you give two shits. I had never heard How Will I Know when this was released, and I thought it was called Welcome to the Carnival.


145

Utah Saints – Something Good
1992, UK, No. 4 smash! UTAH SAINTS! U-U-U-UTAH SAINTS! Obviously, this samples ‘Cloudbusting’ by Kate Bush, whose vocals were re-recorded by Davina Perera for the release of Something Good ’08. I’ve no idea why – by all accounts, Kate Bush loves it when people cover her music. She was forever sending shit to her tribute acts on Stars in Their Eyes. ‘Here’s the cape I wore in the ‘Babooshka’ video’ ‘Here’s the coil that fell out when I sneezed on the set of ‘Rubberband Girl’’.


144

S’Express – Theme From S’Express
1988, UK, No. 1 smash! These absolute robdogs used a vocal sample from TZ’s ‘I’ve Got the Hots for You’, and also found time to bung in samples from Alfredo de la Fe; Crystal Grass; Karen Finley; Debbie Harry; Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House; Gil Scott-Heron & Brian Jackson; Ish Ledesma; Peech Boys; Gene Roddenberry; Rose Royce; Sam the Sham & The Pharoahs; Stacey Q and Yazoo.
I have never liked this song.


143
The Prodigy – No Good
1994, UK, No. 4 smash! Another appearance by Keith, Liam and their quirky pals. This is by far my favourite Prodigy song outside of ‘Their Law’, which you binned in the semis because you knew I liked it. The samples here are Kelly Charles’s ‘You’re No Good for Me’, The Beginning of the End’s ‘Funky Nassau’, Run DMC’s ‘Peter Piper’ and Young Disciples’ ‘Young Disciples’. Keith Flint famously died in 2019.


142
Angel City feat. Lara McAllen – Love Me Right
2003, Netherlands/UK, No. 11 smash! I’ve already offered a detailed breakdown of the careers of both of these in the Sunrise write up above, so I’ll just say that Lara’s Wiki very smugly declares that she now owns a property development company. I’m also now quite a fan of Ready For The World’s surprisingly excellent original.


141
Alcatraz – Give Me Luv
1995, USA, No. 12 smash! This is one I knew literally nothing about pre-rate. The vocals here are provided by Dihann Moore who, from the exhausting spelling of her first name, I just know I wouldn’t get on with. One of the two producers in Alcatraz also releases music under the name ‘Cum’, so you know we’re rubbing shoulders with very refined company here.
 
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Just two songs can boast a much-coveted TWENTY-TWO points. I’d sleep with one eye open if I were them, every bugger will be after their riches.


140

Lonnie Gordon – Happenin’ All Over Again
1990, USA, No. 4 smash! The ripe stench of Stock, Aitken & Waterman wafts forth from this one. Unsurprising, since they wrote and produced it. It contains a sample of ‘Hot Pants’ by Bobby Byrd, and found new life in 1998 when Tracy Shaw off Corrie burped out a cover of it. See below for the every-expense-spared video. The bonus video is an 11/10 banger called ‘Gordon’s Groove’ which reminds me of many a Snakebite-addled night out in Huddersfield back in 2001.






139

Mary Kiani – 100% (Motiv8 mix)
1996, UK, No 23 smash! Scottish starlet Mary McKloskey had three songs in the running for this rate, but this one was the only one to make the cut. There’s no music video for it, which was the direction Tracy Shaw should probably have considered going in. Our Mary was previously a session musician, and hit the big time when she provided vocals for The Simpsons’ ‘Yellow Album’.
 
Loneliness, Give Me Luv, Love Me Right and S'Express all amazing. To be fair No Good and 100% are both bangers too. The quality is steadily improving.

Clouds was just fluff. Happenin' is a max PWL moment but not for this list.
 
ButterTart said:
Mary Kiani – 100% (Motiv8 mix)
1996, UK, No 23 smash! Scottish starlet Mary McKloskey had three songs in the running for this rate, but this one was the only one to make the cut. There’s no music video for it, which was the direction Tracy Shaw should probably have considered going in. Our Mary was previously a session musician, and hit the big time when she provided vocals for The Simpsons’ ‘Yellow Album’.
Click to expand...
She was also vocalist for The Time Frequency. Real Love is a cheap banger.
 
She also owned a Glasgow nightclub called Slave, which is also the explanation behind what happened to Kala all those years ago.

100% Mary Motiv8 is something else and few songs can match just whatever the hell it actually is.

BRM's Honey should have been huge. The 60 year old has every right to have been miserable for over 40 years about it.
 
These two also got TWENTY-TWO points, so ignore the nonsense I spouted in the into to the last post.

138

Faithless – Salva Mea
1995, UK, No 9 smash! This was their DEBUT single, which is a textbook case of ‘go big or go home’. This features King Rollo’s sister on vocal duties, and Wikipedia says her name is Dildo which I’m assuming is a typo. This was sampled by Enrique Iglesias on ‘Dirty Dancer’.

Lordy, one can only imagine the musical GOLIATH that forced this down into 138th place…


























137


Caramella Girls – Caramelldansen
2001, Sweden, An internet smash, like 2 Girls 1 Cup! This is known as the Uma Uma Dance in Japan, where, inevitably, it’s fucking massive. One Swedish lyric meaning ‘dance with us, clap your hands’ was mistakenly believed to be in a regional dialect of Japanese, and was interpreted there as ‘I don’t want any Balsamic vinegar after all’. I’ve made my opinion on this one clear, so I don’t want any hostility. They’re just scared, vulnerable teenagers who only want to make us happy. Great, now I have an erection.
 
Yes Honey (Chicane Remix) is fucking essential.

Quite keen on wail fest Touch Me as well.
 
Salva Mea is fucking glorious.

Thank God that other rot has passed.
 
I wish I'd nominated Gilead if flogging dead horses is so on trend these days.
 
Meanwhile, Nintendo Switch owners have the "AVICII Inventor" rhythm game to look forward to next month. Seek Bromance is in the DLC pack "Magawama Track Pack". I'll wait for the sale.

He was quite goodlooking. No wonder Madonna ruined him.
 
I think it’s safe to say we’re in ‘classic’ territory now. Let’s find out what absolute smashers you saw fit to lavish TWENTY-THREE points upon.

136

Zombie Nation – Kernkraft 400
1999, Germany, No. 2 smash! Not since Heather Proud’s ‘Small’ has a song/artist name combination given me so much gip. Kernkraft 400 means ‘nuclear energy 400’ in German. This contains a sample of David Whittaker’s ‘Star Dust’, from the Commodore 64 game Lazy Jones, which looks a bit shit. Zombie Nation is actually just producer Florain Senfter.

135

Benny Benassi – Satisfaction
2002, Italy, No. 2 smash! Famous for its video, where women with big juicy knockers do a bit of DIY in attire greatly appreciated by @dmlaw and I, if not by the health & safety officer on their site. It’s been recreated dozens of times, and this version by Russian civil aviation students, which sparked a moral panic which nearly got them all dismissed, has since become a symbol of the Russian LGBT community.





134

Crystal Waters – 100% Pure Love

1994, USA, No 15 smash! Big Crys only secured one nomination in this rate – ‘Gypsy Woman’ and ‘Destination Calabria’ were both shamefully overlooked. She was previously a computer technician, apparently!

Full disclosure: I haven’t been able to read the title of this song without being immediately reminded of this:





133

Kylie Minogue – Can’t Get You Out of My Head
2001, Australia, No. 1 smash everywhere! A shock low placing for this, and I assume it must have fallen foul of the ‘it’s not dance’ train of thought that’s already claimed several victims on this list.

Here’s a fun fact: This song is 19 years old. Songs that were 19 years old when this came out include ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and ‘Sexual Healing’. Let that sink in.


132

Jurgen Vries & CMC – The Opera Song (Brave New World)
2003, UK, No. 3 smash! The subject of wild speculation for seventeen years, the only clue as to the identity of the enigmatic lead vocalist is that they were credited as ‘CMC’ in case it flopped and undermined their classical career. Suspicions abound that it’s Alfie Boe.

Jurgen Vries is, contrary to his name, the one DJ on this list who ISN’T Dutch. He’s a Brit called Darren tate.


131

C+C Music Factory feat. Martha Wash and Freedom Williams – Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)

1990, USA, No 3 smash! C+C are Clivillés & Cole – but I’ve already stunned you with that revelation. Zelma Davis lip sync’s Martha Wash’s vocals in the video, because they were carried over from a completely different project, and Wash is a bit of a bowser. This song is famous for being used in every film ever, and there’s only one definitive reading of it in my book:






130

The Original – I Luv U Baby
1994, USA, No. 2 smash in 1995! The Original only released three songs together. Vocalist Everett Bradley is now a touring member of Bon Jovi, he and provided vocals for Shadow the Hedgehog’s songs in Sonic Adventure 2. Basically, he’s living my best life.



129

Flip & Fill feat. Karen Parry – Shooting Star

2002, UK, No 3 smash! A cover of Bang’s iconic happy hardcore track, which I almost nominated. Manchester based duo Flip & Fill are chav icons, and one of their many claims to fame is that one of them was banging my old workmate. Karen Parry is also a friend of a friend, as well as an iconic featured vocalist. Her hair colour is up for negotiation as long as you can stump up the cash.


128

Kristine W – Feel What You Want (Our Tribe Vocal)
1994, USA/UK, No 33 smash! Our Tribe is just King Rollo off the Faithless, leaving his Dildo behind to branch out into the remixing game. This song was apparently featured in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories. The internets are AWASH with information about Kristine W, such as that she is an LGBT advocate, and that her surname starts with W.
 
Crystal, K, crystal and K user Karen, Kristine and C&C all too low.

Well, maybe not Kylie. I've only enjoyed CGYOOMH when drowning in Blue Monday's grim euphoria.
 
ButterTart said:
128

Kristine W – Feel What You Want (Our Tribe Vocal)
1994, USA/UK, No 33 smash! Our Tribe is just King Rollo off the Faithless, leaving his Dildo behind to branch out into the remixing game. This song was apparently featured in Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories. The internets are AWASH with information about Kristine W, such as that she is an LGBT advocate, and that her surname starts with W.
Click to expand...

The W stands for the woman who invented cancer before Kylie did.

*clunk*
 
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