Moopyvision 2000-2009: Round 2 - Estonia, Germany & Poland RESULTS (9 Viewers)

Penelope said:
9th: Roger Cicero - Frauen regier’n die Welt (65pts)
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Posh n Becks-referencing swing filler about women ruling the world (I presume not a reference to the moment Victoria punched David in the face back at their chalet after he threw it up Rebecca Loos :basil:) that terrifyingly won the backup jury vote in 2007. It’s not like we can say we weren’t warned of what they could wreak, is it.

Anyway, he’s dead now. Apoca saw fit to give this an 8 so I can sense some WORDS need having on here :hitler:

1 x 10 (Kevin)
3 x 0 (win_the_game, ZenGiraffe, Raining On Me)
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Literally more listenable than half the songs we sent in the 00s. Incredibly faint praise but I stand by it. RIP with the angles now.
 
8th: Stefan Raab - Wadde hadde dudde da? (69pts)
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I’ve traditionally always hated this, but have to admit that this nonsense GREW on me as the week went on. The ludicrous hysteria of the opening introducing Stefan gives me the same energy as the famous ‘yes - it’s me’ moment of Anmary being recognised at the airport check-in in the seminal video for ‘Beautiful Song’, and really if the heterosexuals MUST enter Eurovision and insist on appealing to their own kind, I’d much rather they did it in gold chrome with disgustingly gaudy silly rap-funk-disco than with, well, MAX.

A very creditable top five finish for this in Stockholm which started a long-running relationship between the German broadcaster and Stefan Raab, who ended up becoming something of a Christer Bjorkman figure for Germany, and later had his hand in the Unser Star für Oslo selection that landed on Lena Meyer-Landrut and co-hosting the 2011 contest in Dusseldorf.

1 x 8 (Pingu)
4 x 0 (Soldi, Tetris-Rock, Diddy, dmlaw)
 
Penelope said:
I get it though - the show was so obviously expensive that Europe thought it would only be cruel to SVT to make them have to do it again
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I particularly enjoyed the bit where Dima Bilan couldn’t get his jacket off and was sucked into that jet engine. I still don’t know how they did that special effect.
 
dmlaw said:
I particularly enjoyed the bit where Dina Bilan couldn’t get his jacket off and was sucked into that jet engine. I still don’t know how they did that special effect.
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Dima Bilan gay and dead.
 
7th: Gracia - Run and Hide (108pts)
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What was it about the 2005 contest that prompted so many TEUTONIC NATIONS to go 90s radio? Gracia cheated her way to Kyiv, with a rigging scandal seeing her manager buy several hundred copies of Run and Hide to satisfy the chart requirements Germany needed at the time for national finalists to be eligible for the ticket, causing her to be banned for three weeks from the charts (a punishment so profoundly camp that I passed out just now reading it) but sadly not seeing her disqualified from the contest itself. Once there she howled her way through the performance like she was a member of t.A.T.u. stepping on Lego and came last, never being spoken of again (until now - hi Gracia!!)

1 x 12 (Suomi)
4 x 0 (Ag, Broomhelga, Pingu, Kevin)
 
Penelope said:
7th: Gracia - Run and Hide (108pts)
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What was it about the 2005 contest that prompted so many TEUTONIC NATIONS to go 90s radio? Gracia cheated her way to Kyiv, with a rigging scandal seeing her manager buy several hundred copies of Run and Hide to satisfy the chart requirements Germany needed at the time for national finalists to be eligible for the ticket, causing her to be banned for three weeks from the charts (a punishment so profoundly camp that I passed out just now reading it) but sadly not seeing her disqualified from the contest itself. Once there she howled her way through the performance like she was a member of t.A.T.u. stepping on Lego and came last, never being spoken of again (until now - hi Gracia!!)

1 x 12 (Suomi)
4 x 0 (Ag, Broomhelga, Pingu, Kevin)
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:D

Disqualified from the German charts! Mel C AGOG!
 
Given that the Germans presumably did buy enough copies of Corinna May, Stefan Raab and Max, they didn't deserve Gracia.
 
6th: Alex Swings Oscar Sings! - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang (122pts)
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Well, you know - electro-swing is just MASSIVE in Europe :basil: (and in all fairness, this got the UK's 7 in 2009 :bruised:)

Utterly foul and unacceptable in every single conceivable way (it got my enthusiastic 8), this mindbendingly made its way out of an internal selection process and coupled up German dance producer Alex Christensen with American Oscar Loya, a man so mincing you suspect he may have long had his crotch sanded off into a Ken nub solely for the fetish value (who are YOU to tell me to do the "coochie bang bang" Oscar - is this an AS I SAY NOT AS I DO GIG?).

As if it wasn't compellingly rancid enough already, for the final performance in Moscow they brought in one of the all-time great POINTLESS DESPERATION Eurovision gambits in A Song For ZenGiraffe star Dita Von Teese for a brief little burlesque turn at the end. Her original plan was to do something on the lines of her famed cocktail glass shtick, but the contest organisers were reputedly so horrified at the breasts they forced her to scale things down to a futile go at coaxing an even faintly plausible attempt at pretending he wanted to shag her out of Oscar (prompting a great interview line in the aftermath from Dita - “what, I can’t get my tits out? I thought it was Europe!”)

1 x 12 (Tisch)
3 x 1 (Madison, Suomi, Soldi)
 
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I think I rated this relatively highly too, if only because it had something of a tune, and the company is so so poor.
 
5th: Michelle - Wer Liebe lebt (131pts)
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The original “which Michelle Williams do you mean?” of the 2001 contest, two Michelles went onstage in Copenhagen - one from Germany, one from the Netherlands - with turgid ballads. Like Ulrika reinvented as a booby chipmunk, the German one took advantage of a later slot and a larger chest to barge her way into the top ten.

By the looks of things Michelle (German edition) had a continued successful career in Germany in the decade after, but retired the 'Michelle' brand name with a greatest hits at the beginning of the 2010s. I imagine @Apocalypt Flyer could tell you FAR more than me about her life and times, and by the looks of that mark with some VIGOUR TOO :basil:

1 x 12 (Broomhelga)
1 x 0 (Apocalypt Flyer)
 
4th: VoRinna May - I Can’t Live Without Music (144pts)
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Watching the German round-up this week, you could be excused for wondering how on earth most of these entries ever made it to the stage. Here, it was a case of sympathy payback. Corinna had won the German national selection with a ballad in 1999 but was Anna Book’ed out, being disqualified for performing with a song that had already been released before the cut-off mark

None of that can quite cover how we ended up with this though. The spectacle of Anastacia - or a YOUNG THERESA MAY - all DOLLED AND SEXIED UP in the latest peach-tinged glasses, mode leather trousers and fluorescent beige fashions of the time, lightly bopping away at the front while her backing group (either a freelance Suntribe, or Neiokoso before the rapture) pull focus with every last sinew they can muster, shrilly honking her way through a diabetic, hideous camptastic song dedicated to how much she'd rather cark it than not have Max - Can't Wait Until Tonight in her life, culminating in the funniest final note in recorded musical history and a crash-and-burn bottom five finish.

This was the favourite to win the 2002 contest beforehand - the bookies presumably KNOCKED FOR SIX on the tat the voting public were willing to eat up by Everybody’s victory the year before, and STILL somehow managing to get the exact tat they were willing to vote for wrong :D Still, you can just about understand and see the universe where this won, say, Eurovision 1990 - and I WANT TO LIVE IN IT.

2 x 12 (wurst, VoR)
1 x 0 (Jacques)
 
Penelope said:
6th: Alex Swings Oscar Sings! - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang (118pts)
oscar-loya-l-of-alex-swings-oscar-sings!-representing-germany-in-the-D4KR7F.jpg


Well, you know - electro-swing is just MASSIVE in Europe :basil: (and in all fairness, this got the UK's 7 in 2009 :bruised:)

Utterly foul and unacceptable in every single conceivable way (it got my enthusiastic 8), this mindbendingly made its way out of an internal selection process and coupled up German dance producer Alex Christensen with American Oscar Loya, a man so mincing you suspect he may have long had his crotch sanded off into a Ken nub solely for the fetish value (who are YOU to tell me to do the "coochie bang bang" Oscar - is this an AS I SAY NOT AS I DO GIG?).

As if it wasn't compellingly rancid enough already, for the final performance in Moscow they brought in one of the all-time great POINTLESS DESPERATION Eurovision gambits in A Song For ZenGiraffe star Dita Von Teese for a brief little burlesque turn at the end. Her original plan was to do something on the lines of her famed cocktail glass shtick, but the contest organisers were reputedly so horrified at the breasts they forced her to scale things down to a futile go at coaxing an even faintly plausible attempt at pretending he wanted to shag her out of Oscar (prompting a great interview line in the aftermath from Dita - “what, I can’t get my tits out? I thought it was Europe!”)

1 x 12 (Tisch)
1 x 0 (Queen of the Bay)
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This wasn't my nul points but 4, was it meant to be someone else's nul?
 
3rd: No Angela - Disappear (154pts)
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Answering the long-debated question - what if an abattoir did a pop ballad? - it’s No Angels!

The original Hanne Sorvaag demo of this is actually a gorgeous, 'Love Story before Taylor Swift got to it' thing of beauty (those harmonies on the final chorus!), and the actual recorded No Angels version stands up well too (albeit with the weak link over the Hanne demo of taking the path of instantly-dated 2008-style production), but the final performance could barely sound worse had the vocals been the HOWLS OF FURY from Nadja Benaissa’s gentleman callers at the GUM clinic, with all four of the Angels seemingly having been told before they went onstage to find the first notes they could and CLING TO THEM FOR DEAR LIFE, no matter how they sounded.

A hometown 12 from Bulgaria for one of the members was all that saved this one from last on the night, but the recorded version has presumably kept this cacophony closer to Moopy hearts since.

1 x 12 (win_the_game)
2 x 0 (Madison, Queen of the Bay)
 
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