Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 10: Bulgaria, France & Georgia

[Alla]

This is silly yes, but I still find Allez Olé Ola way way more offensive.

Allez Olé Ola is top 3 here.

 

[Suomi]

That lead singer was also a HUNK, like a young Dark Carnival

 

[Penelope]

That lead singer was also a HUNK, like a young Dark Carnival

!

 

[VoR]

7th: Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (73pts)

Another DISMAL FLOP from mid-10s France, although at least poor old Lisa managed to double Twin Twin's score from the previous year.

I have a sneaking regard for this one. It's pretty much a classic brooding French ballad and she sings the hell out of it. It's just completely out of step with the Contest in 2015. Going back to basics as a reaction to a run of failure rarely works compared to actually using a bit of imagination, and there was precious little on show here.

Still, fewer points than Electro Velvet was really very very 'arsh indeed. The slot of death in the running order can't have helped, nor did Lisa herself being styled like a bit of a frumpy sad sack. She was actually really fun and bubbly in the press conferences, she deserved better than this dirge.

Apparently she now works as a vocal coach on The Voice of Belgium, so y'know, never stop dreaming kids.

2 x 10 (Raining on Me, dmlaw)
1 x 0 (Win The Game)

 

[Penelope]

N'oubliez pas got its sole 4 points from Armenia...I remember on their InVöR Eurovision show the panellists absolutely loved it, and I swear that influenced the Armenian vote.

For me it is a great dance track, with hints of Beyoncé.

 

[Suomi]

N'oubliez pas got its sole 4 points from Armenia...I remember on their InVöR Eurovision show the panellists absolutely loved it, and I swear that influenced the Armenian vote.

For me it is a great dance track, with hints of Beyoncé.

Hadise POTW

 

[Penelope]

Icon of femininity Lisa Angell now appears to be Tesco Mary.

 

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA]

Still completely baffled and confused as to how Lisa Angell ended up representing France in 2015

One of the more bizarre selections of recent years

 

[VoR]

6th: Bilal Hassani - Roi (82pts)

The first of the 'France actually start trying again' era entries to fall, this rather EARNEST effort won the second - and as it turned out last - edition of the national selection 'Destination Eurovision' by a landslide last year, but failed to translate the hype into wider success at Eurovision, dropping France back onto the right hand side of the leaderboard for the first time in four years.

The Voice Kids alum and YouTube celebrity Bilal was certainly an interesting character, and this song obviously means a lot to him, but you can't help wondering how he might have fared with something a little more... fabulous? He first came to public attention singing Conchita, but Rise Like a Phoenix this most assuredly ain't.

Obviously France should've sent this mad cow instead last year. WHAT A PERFORMER

1 x 8 (Jacques)
1 x 0 (Buttertart)

 

[VoR]

Still completely baffled and confused as to how Lisa Angell ended up representing France in 2015

One of the more bizarre selections of recent years

How do you mean?

 

[Raining on Me]

Lisa Angle was halfway down my list until the very end when I randomly budged her substantial bulk up to second. It's rather pleasant and the French language is never a bad one on the ear, especially in a ballad, but my sudden upgrading to silver says more about the French entries in general - all very nice but total background music. It's been a decade of TRASH or mellow numbers that just don't have any impact

 

[dmlaw]

I thought that it was brave of Bilal to enter with a song about the former presenter of 'Record Breakers'. Surely most of the French public wouldn't have heard of him.

 

[Penelope]

LOVE Roi, but yeah, it feels a little beneath what she could've been considering she's more or less ELENI

 

[Penelope]

OMG I'd ENTIRELY forgotten the KETAMINE ODYSSEY that was PASSIO A truly LOST nul points autoqualifier for the ages!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Icon of femininity Lisa Angell now appears to be Tesco Mary.

Holy fuck.

 

[Dark Carnival]

7th: Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (73pts)

Another DISMAL FLOP from mid-10s France, although at least poor old Lisa managed to double Twin Twin's score from the previous year.

I have a sneaking regard for this one. It's pretty much a classic brooding French ballad and she sings the hell out of it. It's just completely out of step with the Contest in 2015. Going back to basics as a reaction to a run of failure rarely works compared to actually using a bit of imagination, and there was precious little on show here.

Still, fewer points than Electro Velvet was really very very 'arsh indeed. The slot of death in the running order can't have helped, nor did Lisa herself being styled like a bit of a frumpy sad sack. She was actually really fun and bubbly in the press conferences, she deserved better than this dirge.

Apparently she now works as a vocal coach on The Voice of Belgium, so y'know, never stop dreaming kids.

2 x 10 (Raining on Me, dmlaw)
1 x 0 (Win The Game)

I have a soft spot for this and she performed the hell out of it indeed, but what unattractive packaging...

 

[Suomi]

7th: Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas (73pts)

Another DISMAL FLOP from mid-10s France, although at least poor old Lisa managed to double Twin Twin's score from the previous year.

I have a sneaking regard for this one. It's pretty much a classic brooding French ballad and she sings the hell out of it. It's just completely out of step with the Contest in 2015. Going back to basics as a reaction to a run of failure rarely works compared to actually using a bit of imagination, and there was precious little on show here.

Still, fewer points than Electro Velvet was really very very 'arsh indeed. The slot of death in the running order can't have helped, nor did Lisa herself being styled like a bit of a frumpy sad sack. She was actually really fun and bubbly in the press conferences, she deserved better than this dirge.

Apparently she now works as a vocal coach on The Voice of Belgium, so y'know, never stop dreaming kids.

2 x 10 (Raining on Me, dmlaw)
1 x 0 (Win The Game)

I actually think this is brilliant - a great performance that moves me to tears in my weaker moments

 

[Penelope]

I actually think this is brilliant - a great performance that moves me to tears in my weaker moments

Oh you said the exact same thing about Illusion

 

[Alla]

Queen! Shame Bilal's song wasn't a bit better.

 

[VoR]

5th: Jessy Matador - Allez Olá Olé (93pts)

As deeply offended as I am that the French would subject a FOOTBALL ANTHEM on our beloved Homosexual Song Contest, this is quite clearly a high energy standout of their generally poor first half of the decade.

It does make me question who had the bright idea of having the venue that year be 100% seated - poor Jesy really has to work to get anything out of that DEAD audience. Thankfully the frankly demented choreo, which seems to be entirely built around him wigging his bum at the camera, wins a few of them round by the end. I do question how much of it he's actually singing, but that's hardly the point here.

This would be a good exhibit A in the case of 'Eurovision has a problem with race'. Its afterlife alone suggests it really should have finished higher than 15th, and indeed the public placed Jessy a much more palatable 8th, while the Juries paid him absolute dust.

2 x 10 (Penelope, Buttertart)
2 x 0 (Ill Advised, Dark Carnival)

 

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAaaaA]

How do you mean?

Oh sorry that sounded far more damning/juicy than I meant - I just meant it felt like it was a relic from the late 1980’s Eurovision that had somehow found its way into the modern day contest - and by one of the biggest countries too. It just felt quite BIZARRE to me

 

[Penelope]

BOOOOOO!

Really just three minutes of JOYOUS WHIMSY BAMBADAMBADABABAMBADAMBADABABAMBADAMBADAMBAM

 

[Alla]

Oh come on, this was fun!

 

[Penelope]

Anyway, ARSE SMACK MATADOR seems to be PERMANENTLY ON HIS BULLSHIT if one of the two videos on his Insta is anything to go by

 

[Alla]

WTF!?

 

[VoR]

4th: Anggun - Echo (140pts)

Was there ever a performance that was more clearly doomed to be gay interest only than this messy banger?

At this point, France were still vaguely making an effort, Anggun being a fairly big name best known for her rather lovely 1997 hit Snow On The Sahara. Something in that gentle new agey vein probably would have done really well for her, but of course we never begrudge a pop diva going full lowest common denominator banger in a bid for Eurovision immortality.

She looked fabulous, if not a TOUCH drag queeny, and of course she was giving the gays everything they wanted with those back-flipping backing dancers, but there's a lot going on and actual song does get a teensy bit lost in the shuffle. She actually scored the dreaded NUL POINTS from Joe Public, but mercifully this was before such things were made public on the night.

5 x 12 (Kalabaliken, Pingu, Kevin7, Dark Carnival, Suomi)
1 x 2 (Buttertart)

 

[Penelope]

Is that GIA GUNN?!

 

[Dark Carnival]

5th: Jessy Matador - Allez Olá Olé (93pts)

As deeply offended as I am that the French would subject a FOOTBALL ANTHEM on our beloved Homosexual Song Contest, this is quite clearly a high energy standout of their generally poor first half of the decade.

It does make me question who had the bright idea of having the venue that year be 100% seated - poor Jesy really has to work to get anything out of that DEAD audience. Thankfully the frankly demented choreo, which seems to be entirely built around him wigging his bum at the camera, wins a few of them round by the end. I do question how much of it he's actually singing, but that's hardly the point here.

This would be a good exhibit A in the case of 'Eurovision has a problem with race'. Its afterlife alone suggests it really should have finished higher than 15th, and indeed the public placed Jessy a much more palatable 8th, while the Juries paid him absolute dust.

2 x 10 (Penelope, Buttertart)
2 x 0 (Ill Advised, Dark Carnival)

 

[Dark Carnival]

4th: Anggun - Echo (140pts)

Was there ever a performance that was more clearly doomed to be gay interest only than this messy banger?

At this point, France were still vaguely making an effort, Anggun being a fairly big name best known for her rather lovely 1997 hit Snow On The Sahara. Something in that gentle new agey vein probably would have done really well for her, but of course we never begrudge a pop diva going full lowest common denominator banger in a bid for Eurovision immortality.

She looked fabulous, if not a TOUCH drag queeny, and of course she was giving the gays everything they wanted with those back-flipping backing dancers, but there's a lot going on and actual song does get a teensy bit lost in the shuffle. She actually scored the dreaded NUL POINTS from Joe Public, but mercifully this was before such things were made public on the night.

5 x 12 (Kalabaliken, Pingu, Kevin7, Dark Carnival, Suomi)
1 x 2 (Buttertart)

2012 was SUCH a great year to decide to become a Eurovision loon (Thanks @Diddy !). I was really in love with this one so you imagine my deception. The placing it got was WAY WAY too harsh

 

[Penelope]

The interview Anggun did with the BBC after, where the male presenter rather brutally rubs in that she got nul points from the public despite her best excuses, seems to have been SADLY ERASED from the internet, but here's a LOVELY PICTURE ANYWAY



Really I can't quite decide if the performance and song were works of advanced art or just an utter fucking mess

 

[Dark Carnival]

I mean can you REALLY call yourself a homosexual and deny that fabulous CHIFFONOGRAPHY?

 

[Alla]

Wasn't in this performance the dancer with the tight maillot and a very noticeable penis?

 

[Penelope]

The nul points feels brutal, but given the dancepop multi-car pile-up that year with Loreen taking all the spoils, I think Anggun should consider herself lucky to have even got anything from the juries either.

 

[VoR]

3rd: Alma - Requiem (146pts)

A decent effort from the give a shit half of the decade, Alma was clearly drafted in to provide a close enough but legally safe approximation of local hitmaker Indila, who scored a mega-hit a few years earlier with the very similar Derniere Danse.

If a 12th place finish didn't quite build on the momentum of France's top ten return the previous year, it at least kept them on the right (left) side of the leaderboard. I was quite surprised at the time how well it did on the televote, given the performance is a bit on the plain side - wheeling out the Eiffel Tower seems to be the Gallic equivalent of the sad golden pyro shower for the UK - but I guess this style of faintly aloof Franco-pop represents a votable USP for our neighbours.

1 x 12 (Buttertart)
1 x 2 (Suomi)

 

[Penelope]

OMG I'd ENTIRELY forgotten about Dernière danse!

DOULEURRRRRR!

 

[Dark Carnival]

Awww that was my second fave You lot are really going to give it to Amir aren't you?

 

[Penelope]

Love Requiem but it fell at the last moment for me in my rankings. Nonetheless, @Suomi's 2 really does TAKE THE PISSOIR

 

[dmlaw]

Moopy appear to be voting with their penises again. I just hope that some eye candy plus a good song can deliver it for Mercy.

 

[Penelope]

I should rather hope the douze has gone to OXGLAM FUNDRAISER Mercy

 

[Dark Carnival]

Moopy appear to be voting with their penises again. I just hope that some eye candy plus a good song can deliver it for Mercy.

I'm afraid we don't see enough of Monsieur for these rabid whores to push Mercy to the victory