Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 11: Denmark, Germany & Ukraine

#5 Roman Lob – Standing Still



98 points

Highest: 1x 12pts (Win_the_game)

Lowest: 2x 0pts (Raining On Me, wurst)

Ugh, do you remember that terrible faux-jazz musician Jamie Cullum? Well he wrote this. Roman Lob staggered onto the Eurovision stage after an all-nighter at @Penelope’s house (“just wear a beanie babe, they won’t notice!”) and honked his way through this X-Factor ballad to an 8th place. This is a classic example of how men don’t have to try to achieve in life – before him you literally have poor Pastora from Spain breaking the sound limit just to get a 10th place, and prior to that you had brave Ivi from Cyprus who made a budget of 50p seem like a Superbowl performance. And he has the AUDACITY to wear a beanie and just sing the song, not even a single unicycle or flamethrower in sight? Keep it Germany, keep it.
 
How the fuck is Roman Lob (how is that even a real name?) so high?

No cock voting here, not with that HAT :gross:
 
#4 Ann Sophie -Black Smoke



102 points

Highest: 1x12pts (dmlaw)

Lowest: 2x 1pt (Jacques, Ill Advised)

Oh god I could write a THESIS on Ann Sophie and her black smoke. Ann Sophie’s journey starts with the fact that she should never even have been there. In the German NF, Andreas Kummert wins and then HANDS BACK the victory and gives it to Ann Sophie. Cue furious homosexuals at 1:37:



She then takes to the Eurovision stage and makes a series of choices that lead to her NIL POINTS, namely that she doesn't turn around for the first 45 seconds of the song. The song is only three minutes. ART. POP. !



Ann Sophie is not going to cry your damn tears. The next day she takes to youtube to post a TRIBUTE TO HERSELF in the form of THIS:



That Ann Sophie only received one 12 on Moopyvision and mostly middling scores says it all really. She is the archetypal nil-pointers because her nice song faded into the background, and the viewers could not forgive such a late face reveal. To-date Ann Sophie is Grammy-less.
 
Suomi said:
#6 Michael Schulte - You Let Me Walk Alone

[out of respect for Elaiza I will not be posting a link to this sad song]

93 points

Highest: 1x 12pts (Buttertart)

Lowest : 1x 0pts (Kalabaliken)

This manipulative mess managed Germany a top 5 placing after many German LAST PLACES. There was some concern beforehand that this could end up winning if enough hearts were tugged, but thankfully all the voters of 2018 really cared about was Fuego vs Toy. I really don’t see the appeal of this, so am going to hand over to @ButterTart to explain his voting.
Click to expand...
I knew I'd get some stick for this because he's got a penis and that sort of nonsense doesn't fly around these parts. It was the best thing Germany have sent all decade - yes, that includes their Damon Albarn-appropriating winner.
 
ENTRANCINGLY VILE

Like sending the NOT EVEN REHEATED SEXUALLY ACTIVE CORPSE of Amy Winehouse to Eurovision with something that LITERALLY sounded like she'd been forced to do something nice with Katie Melua, AND still got the cat AIDS after - ALL WHILE SMOKE VAGINAS CAME UP ON LED BEHIND. Simply AWFUL! :disco:
 
  • Like
Reactions: VoR
Didn't deserve the nul points. Yes, it's a bit forgettable, but that's quite high praise for Germany.
 
Ann Sophie didn't stand in front of her light the way everyone else did, she was a bit off. I don't know if that was intentional, but it really bugged me, and I assume that's why nobody gave her any points.
 
Black Smoke feels like the bullet the UK dodged this year.

A perfectly decent song destined to be nothing but support pillars for the rest
 
I think the worst thing of all about Black Smoke has to be the utterly REPULSIVE vocal. STOP YELLING AT ME I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG
 
#3 Cascada – Glorious



158 points

Highest: 5x12pts (Penelope, David_5k, Ag, Kevin7, Pingu)

Lowest: 1x 1pt (dmlaw)

Much like I spent most of Ann Sophie’s performance yelling at her to TURN AROUND, I spent most of Natalie from Cascada’s performance yelling at her to COME DOWN. My goodness if Tina Cousins was alive today she’d be mortified! Perhaps yet another lesson that in Eurovision World it doesn’t really matter how many chart hits you’ve had on the outside. I can see from Wikipedia that Natalie from Cascada is yet to have a charting hit after this, but I’ve heard from a good friend on here (JillTyrell) that a certain duet with a dead Peter Kay might be right around the corner…
 
I do feel like Glorious is the Eurovision performance which most embodies THIS PICTURE though :disco:

EM-8vRPWsAE0DJv
 
  • Like
Reactions: VoR
Dark Carnival said:
Ah, you lot finally understand what it's like to give your life and soul to an entry (Solvenia - Sebi), only for the rest of Moopy to carelessly knock it dead right in front of your eyes.
Click to expand...
To be fair, Cascada was fun but shit, whereas Sebi didn't even manage the 'fun' part. It did deliver a healthy dose of sinister, though.
 
So it's Lena vs Lena. Will the winner be Lena, or Lena?













#2 Lena – Taken by a Stranger



165 points

Highest: 5x12pts (Kalabaliken, VoR, Kevin, wurst, sewerynsven)

Lowest: 2x 3pt (Win_the_Game, Buttertart)



WINNER Lena – Satellite



188 points

Highest: 5x12pts (Suomi, Jacques, Ill Advised, Alla, Dark Carnival)

Lowest: 2x 5pts (Win_the_Game, wurst)

Alas, a close run race and an impressive top 2 monopoly for the very credible German winner. My god I would have loved a spin-off universe where Lena kept winning and kept coming back to defend her title, and "Taken by a Stranger" was different and decent enough to do it, but managed just 10th possibly because it was a little too OUT THERE. The appeal of "Satellite" is that it's just a great pop song, and the presentation of it made it seem so effortless. That they started the decade on such a high and ended on such a S!sters is a warning to us all.
 
I would have been agog if Stranger won.

Satellites was quite an outstanding winner. Not one I play out of Eurovision season :( but probably one of the biggest game changers in the last decade.
 
Oh BOOOOOOO. Satellite's alright and all but it's a very strange winner - how many others just do a simple song that doesn't really have any big moment to it? It feels very hyperlocated in its time to the extent where it genuinely feels like it could've come 7th most years. Frankly, it's a bit annoying now.

Taken By A Stranger HOWEVER :disco: Talk about a masterclass in the kind of entry which is just TOO FORWARD-THINKING to win Eurovision (other famous examples include I Feed You My Love, City Lights, and Keep the Faith). From the annoying girl at the party to the foxy vixen who'd fuck YOU at the party
 
lrgscaleukraine_ukrainian_flag.png

RIGHT, I'm putting a placeholder here for Ukraine. @VoR deserves a fucking medal for slogging through these each week - I am having to make a very late dinner for an increasingly impatient partner so I will 'do' Ukraine tomorrow morning. Please speculate below and @Dark Carnival please continue with the nudity postings until we resume.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 1 (members: 0, guests: 1)
Back
Top Bottom