Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 11: Denmark, Germany & Ukraine

Now, Suomi, you know that when VoR tries to pull this shit we all bully him into continuing. Nothing in your real life could possibly be more important than telling us whether Time or Under The Ladder got that coveted seventh place.
 
To be honest Mr @Suomi doesn't seem like such a FUN person. Demanding his dinner to be made, violently shutting the door when Gaitana came on last night, storming off during Lithuania Moopyvision...
 
I was on my way out to punch a deer when these rankings started. The deer sanctuary doesn't close until 11 and thanks to @Suomi shirking his responsibilities and ending early, I've enough time to get down there. I never thought Suomi would sink so low as to be a willing participant in ANIMAL ABUSE.
 
I chopped up bits and pieces, as well as nutritional scraps, to make dinner for a demanding Mr. RoM earlier and still I made time for this old fluff

It's not right, it's entirely wrong, so let's just crown Tick Tock RIGHT NOW
 
Everything about Tick Tock is so much more than language barrier. Even that intro gets my twitching hairs STANDING ON END

In relation to Ukraine generally I mean
 
Also, Tick Tock has to have had one of the best revamps for Eurovision ever. The STATE of the chorus in the national final! :D

 
And I'm back on the Red Carpet after last night's bomb scare caused the postponement of the Ukrainian ceremony. It turns out Jamala just wanted attention and we can resume the proceedings! A massive shout-out to Zu-Klara who has so far been acquitted on 12 of the 25 charges. We believe in you babe!
 
The HITLIST:

2010: Alyosha - Sweet People
2011: Mika Newton - Angel
2012: Gaitana - Be My Guest
2013: Zlata Ognevich - Gravity
2014: Mariya Yaremchuk - Tick Tock
2016: Jamala - 1944
2017: O. Torvald - Time
2018: Mélovin - Under The Ladder
 
#8 O. Torvald – Time



27 points

Highest: 1x 8pts (wurst)

Lowest 0 x 9pts (VoR, Suomi, sewerynsven, David_5K, kevin7, Ag, Alla, Raining on Me, Kalabaliken)

Written by the team that sued Kalabaliken, this terrible song appeared as the host entry for the 2017 contest. This is honestly one of the worst Eurovision songs I have ever heard, and the lead singer is just a mess. Has there ever been a more apparent 'please don't let us win again' host entry?
 
#7 Mika Newton – Angel



46 points

Highest: 2 x 6pts (Kalabaliken, Win_the_game)

Lowest: 4 x 0pts (Pingu, wurst, Kevin7,Dark Carnival)

Look, sometimes it's really fun when Ukraine bring the whole circus to town. "Be My Valentine" is obviously one of the greatest fusions of performance art and song of all time. But this is just a shameless attempt to distract viewers from a very middling song using a recent trend on 'Siberia's Got Talent!' type shows. What am I looking at? Newton? The sand? Is the sand something to do with the song? Thank god I wasn't the sand moderator behind Mika's performance because you just know I'd be drawing sand penises in the background. Anything to lift this dull nonsense!
 
The only good thing to come from Mika Newton's Eurovision involvement is her reaction to Moldova's stage performance last year
 
#6. Alyosha – Sweet People



77 points

Highest: 1x 12pts (Win_the_game)

Lowest: 1x 0pts (Penelope)

Oh god, it's open-mic night in Kiev. The bare bones of a good entry are there, but there's such a deep insincerity with Alyosha that it really depends on how far you're willing to believe her message of peace. I didn't believe Samantha Janus, and I don't believe this. Perhaps she shoulda thrown herself into the audience (on fire) to have really sent the STATEMENT home.
 
Sweet People is absolutely DISGUSTING! WHO watches Eurovision to get shouted at like that? I mean I suppose @Win_the_game, but he might be the only person in the world whose therapist can't even bring themselves to say his choices are valid
 
I don't mind Time, as "hi the straight people who live in your houseshare age 21 are going to come into the living room and SIT DOWN BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR GAY FRIENDS AND DRINK BEER AND PLAY RESIDENT EVIL FOR THREE MINUTES" entries go. It's BETTER THAN VISZLAT NYAR
 
#5. Melovin - Under the Ladder



87 points

Highest: 3 x 10pts (Kevin7, Tischlampe, wurst)

Lowest: 2 x 0pts (dmlaw, Kevin7)

DJ Bobo was right - vampires ARE alive! But nobody believed him and DJ Bobo died in prison. Melovin was a fresh faced creature of the night from Ukraine who only wanted to sing the piano and show us his giant coffin. Rumours that he was Salem Al Fakir gone astray have never been confirmed or denied. The juries placed this LAST in the final with 11 points which if you ask me is a LITTLE BIT RICH considering some of the trash that came above it. It's always a little bit too much for some of these jurors isn't it? Are you allowed to drink in the viewing room? Perhaps that's the reason why televoting and jury voting always wildly differs - the jury votes reflect our sober selves and the televoting is, well. VoR nearly died falling off a fifth-floor balcony in 2012 when Loreen won, so maybe it is good we have a nice sensible jury option too.
 
ButterTart said:
Under the Ladder and 1944 doing FAR better than they deserve to.
Click to expand...

Yes, 1944 did better than it deserved as soon as it wasn't announced in last place. But in fairness, I wouldn't sing the praises of any song revealed so far.
 
#4. Gaitana - Be My Guest



136 points

Highest: 1x 12pts (Jacques)

Lowest: 1x 0pts (Tischlampe)

Oh God I absolutely lived for this woman, marching onto stage looking like a snapchat filter and belting like Nicola Roberts in Popstars: The Rivals. The graphics behind are a great idea but even back then the execution looked...questionable :D I remember Charlotte Perrelli talking about "The Girl" graphics (also 2012) in retrospect and laughing about how bad she realised it was as soon as she saw it done right with Mans' "Heroes".

Gaitana faced racist abuse from far-right groups in Ukraine after she was selected, but she did not let that stop her delivering a great performance as Ukraine's first Afro-Ukranian representative.

Attempts to find further Gaitana bangers resulted in finding this. And it's, err, it's nice :)

 
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