Speculate wildly on WAYS TO SAVE KATY PERRY'S CAREER

[Penelope]

Dropping a cover of Woman is the N***er of the World on streaming, with zero prior mention.

 

[Penelope]

Staging a recreation of the crucifixion at Las Vegas.

 

[Penelope]

Staging a recreation of the Marija Magdalena performance by Doris Dragovic (Eurovision 1999) at the VMAs.

 

[Penelope]

Attempting to assassinate Donald Trump.

 

[Penelope]

Successfully assassinating Donald Trump.

 

[Soldi]

Representing Israel at the next Eurovision

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Remarrying noted rapist Russel Brand.

 

[Penelope]

Representing San Marino at the next Eurovision as part of a sapphic trio with Senhit and Valentina, channeling the energy (if not the horror) of Bang Bang

 

[Penelope]

Marrying noted rapist Donald Trump

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Cumming in the gravy in the Bexley Heath branch of Toby Carvery.

 

[Penelope]

Moving to Lisbon and releasing a fado-inspired album

 

[Penelope]

Lezzing off with Madonna, Bebe Rexha, Tove Lo and Cardi B at the VMAs

 

[Penelope]

Lezzing off with a toilet at the AMAs

 

[Penelope]

Transitioning (with a new identity of Perry KT, pronouns he/they)

 

[ButterTart]

Pleading for a brand partnership with Binley Mega Chippy.

 

[Joseph]

Leaking sex tape with Orlando Bloom only she’s not in it and it’s just him wanking to Teenage Dream

 

[GNL]

Debuting her next single on a nude paddleboarding excursion with Orlando Bloom.

 

[Joseph]

Vacationing with Dua Lipa as her personal assistant and getting the occasional photobomb on Instagram

 

[Penelope]

Throwing a party; telling everyone; inviting Bella Hadid.

 

[Joseph]

Waking Up In Vegas with blood on her hands and revenge on her mind

 

[ButterTart]

Framing Zooey Deschanel for her many crimes.

 

[ButterTart]

Just going fucking mental and stabbing a load of herons.

 

[Penelope]

Accusing Chappell Roan of being so gay and not even liking boys.

 

[Joseph]

Creating a Time Machine and replacing Geru as the 5th Spice Girl

 

[Penelope]

Creating a time machine and replacing Nelson Mandela as the 7th Spice Girl (and liberatory leader of the struggle against South African apartheid)

 

[win_the_game]

Moving to Lisbon and releasing a fado-inspired album

Would absolutely listen to this.

 

[GNL]

Releasing a notes app apology for killing those nuns.

 

[Penelope]

Releasing a notes app apology for It's A Woman's World

 

[dmlaw]

Finally recapturing the one that got away and taking brutal revenge for its presumptiveness.

 

[Finn]

Revealing herself to be The Zodiac Killer

 

[ButterTart]

Stepping in to host the ASFM Pridevision results.

 

[dmlaw]

Kissing a girl and not being especially bothered by it.

 

[Kate]

Remarrying noted rapist Russel Brand.

Came in to say this and now I’m all out of ideas.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Relaunching the Black and White Minstrel Show

 

[Joseph]

Covering “Baby One More Time” but rewriting the hook as “hit me baby one more time in my teenage dream”

 

[ZenGiraffe]

Entering the House of Lords as a Reform Peer

 

[Joseph]

Relaunching the Black and White Minstrel Show

Recreating the Ted Danza set from the Whoopi Goldberg roast on the BBC

 

[GNL]

Finally slaying Taylor Swift on the last night of her tour.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Launching a range of branded baby coffins.

 

[Joseph]

Entering the House of Lords as a Reform Peer

Killing Lorde and stealing her Spotify streams