Wednesday keeps on giving

[Tisch]

I've spoken to my dissertation supervisor, who is the nicest lesbian in the world and she's made it all better.

What were the issues you were having?

How do you put a fish to sleep?

Do French people love their children?

 

[Tisch]

My cats went outside this morning and both came back with huge dilated pupils and an insatiable urge to run around the house . They've now both crashed.

@big ron do you have a cat?

 

[big ron]

I’ve focus tested that name by the way, it plays very well among middle aged Japanese businessmen. Businesswomen aren’t as keen, but surely there can’t be many of them.

Not our target market. We want men who smoke in oversized suits using pine clad meeting rooms. Women are for reception and tea duties.

 

[big ron]

My cats went outside this morning and both came back with huge dilated pupils and an insatiable urge to run around the house . They've now both crashed.

@big ron do you have a cat?

Your cats owe me £100 by Wednesday or I'm sending TopCat round to collect.

 

[AGinAg (37)]

What were the issues you were having?

How do you put a fish to sleep?

Do French people love their children?

No.

 

[ButterTart]

My cats went outside this morning and both came back with huge dilated pupils and an insatiable urge to run around the house . They've now both crashed.

@big ron do you have a cat?

Fucks me off that cats are still allowed to go to raves while the rest of us have to stay home and watch Eurovision. One rule for them...

 

[Rachey]

Is it cruel though? I mean fish aren't exactly wired for emotion. Surely they just float upside down and die? Do people bring fish into the vets?!

Ha I've heard of people bringing fish to the vets but luckily we've never had it. Apparently they do feel pain and some emotion tho.

I didn't have clove oil. So opted for the blunt whack to the head. Which Mandy had to do, with a frying pan. It ruined my clean tea towel

 

[Kate]

Good lord Flushing down the loo seems a better option

 

[Rachey]

I've spoken to my dissertation supervisor, who is the nicest lesbian in the world and she's made it all better.

Erm...I am the nicest lesbian in the world

 

[Tisch]

Ha I've heard of people bringing fish to the vets but luckily we've never had it. Apparently they do feel pain and some emotion tho.

I didn't have clove oil. So opted for the blunt whack to the head. Which Mandy had to do, with a frying pan. It ruined my clean tea towel

OMG!

I assume we're talking quite a big fish here and not a little goldfish?

 

[Diddy]

My cats went outside this morning and both came back with huge dilated pupils and an insatiable urge to run around the house . They've now both crashed.

@big ron do you have a cat?

it’s a demagorgon, do you have a flamethrower?

 

[Rachey]

OMG!

I assume we're talking quite a big fish here and not a little goldfish?

A Siamese fighter. He wasn't that big. A bit bigger than a goldfish.

I also then cleaned the tank thoroughly and discovered my shrimp have been breeding far more than I thought

 

[Diddy]

The local high street bakeries just can’t compete with the resources of BIG TART

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Erm...I am the nicest lesbian in the world

Well that emoji suggests otherwise.

 

[octophone]

Viking burial. Only appropriate for a fighter.

 

[ButterTart]

Ha I've heard of people bringing fish to the vets but luckily we've never had it. Apparently they do feel pain and some emotion tho.

I didn't have clove oil. So opted for the blunt whack to the head. Which Mandy had to do, with a frying pan. It ruined my clean tea towel

I'm sorry for your loss and all but this has just made me HOWL with laughter

"We didn't know what to do for the best so in the end we just decided to kick fuck out of it."

Thinking of you and Mandy xxx

 

[Rachey]

Well that emoji suggests otherwise.

Damn it

 

[Rachey]

Viking burial. Only appropriate for a fighter.

He's in my black rubbish bin wrapped in the tea towel. So almost Viking like.

 

[Rachey]

I'm sorry for your loss and all but this has just made me HOWL with laughter

"We didn't know what to do for the best so in the end we just decided to kick fuck out of it."

Thinking of you and Mandy xxx

I googled the most humane way to kill a fish and blunt trauma came out top. And as I'm practically a vet I thought I should end his misery.

 

[big ron]

Ha I've heard of people bringing fish to the vets but luckily we've never had it. Apparently they do feel pain and some emotion tho.

I didn't have clove oil. So opted for the blunt whack to the head. Which Mandy had to do, with a frying pan. It ruined my clean tea towel

Haha that's fucking brutal - surely the freezer would have been more humane?!

RIP Siamese Steve, ur an angle now hun x0

 

[Rachey]

Haha that's fucking brutal - surely the freezer would have been more humane?!

RIP Siamese Steve, ur an angle now hun x0

Nooo the freezer is really cruel apparently. According to the fish police.

I did think about it tho...but Mandy wants to de ice the freezer and empty it so refused to let me put the fish in there

 

[Zu]

On the fish front (although I now see that I’m too late with this advice now Mandy’s murdered it with the frying pan), I would get one of my mum’s exes to come round with a carrier bag and hammer because that was his idea of End Of Life care when Mr Fishy started ballooning. However I’m afraid he’s (supposedly) dead: my mum told him that it was over and apparently he deliberately crashed his motorbike on the way home in despair OR SO THE STORY GOES

 

[Lucille]

More tales from Zu’s GRIM CHILDHOOD please

 

[Diddy]

RIP Rachey’s tea towel

 

[ButterTart]

I googled the most humane way to kill a fish and blunt trauma came out top. And as I'm practically a vet I thought I should end his misery.

Honestly if we could Moopy Gold individual posts, that would be my nomination. I had to go outside I was laughing so much.

 

[Zu]

More tales from Zu’s GRIM CHILDHOOD please

Oh I think we’ve heard them ALL BEFORE: “Oh Zu it was like a baby’s arm”, my sister putting notes under the door in a desperate attempt to silence the noisy anal, etc.

 

[Diddy]

Btw @Floppet UFO update

that light as bright as Venus might be.. Venus

it just moved faster than I thought. But I suppose it was about the same as the moon now I think about it

 

[Lucille]

I love how pragmatic lesbians are, that would’ve taken a gay couple 8 hours complete with countless bouts of screaming and hysteria.

 

[Zu]

I also then cleaned the tank thoroughly and discovered my shrimp have been breeding far more than I thought

Oh NO

 

[ButterTart]

I love how pragmatic lesbians are, that would’ve taken a gay couple 8 hours complete with countless bouts of screaming and hysteria.

Oh it sounds like there was no messing. They hadn't even tipped the bacon out before swinging the pan down on poor little Goldie.

 

[Lucille]

Which PAN to use would’ve been a 2 hour discussion in itself ‘please god Malcom, not the LE CREUSET!’

 

[Rachey]

On the fish front (although I now see that I’m too late with this advice now Mandy’s murdered it with the frying pan), I would get one of my mum’s exes to come round with a carrier bag and hammer because that was his idea of End Of Life care when Mr Fishy started ballooning. However I’m afraid he’s (supposedly) dead: my mum told him that it was over and apparently he deliberately crashed his motorbike on the way home in despair OR SO THE STORY GOES

What a delightful story why supposedly dead?

 

[Rachey]

I love how pragmatic lesbians are, that would’ve taken a gay couple 8 hours complete with countless bouts of screaming and hysteria.

that's what I would have been like. But I did manage to scoop him up then place him in the tea towel. Then panicked, so Mandy took over very calmly. I didn't even know what she was doing when she took saucepan from me.

 

[Rachey]

Oh it sounds like there was no messing. They hadn't even tipped the bacon out before swinging the pan down on poor little Goldie.

He was called Bernard

I've now just boiled some eggs in said pan.

 

[dmlaw]

that's what I would have been like. But I did manage to scoop him up then place him in the tea towel. Then panicked, so Mandy took over very calmly. I didn't even know what she was doing when she took saucepan from me.

Clearly not her first time.

 

[Indie]

blunt trauma is pretty much what fisherman do to fish. I always assumed it was the most humane way.

Well done for knocking one out, Rachey.

 

[Zu]

What a delightful story why supposedly dead?

Quite lovely, isn’t it? Well there’s no proof that he IS dead. There was no report in the Thurrock Gazette or what not. In fact no evidence WHATSOEVER! She just presumed he must have deliberately killed himself because he never came back begging for another delicious helping of Mum Zu’s infamously popular bobs and vagene

 

[Zu]

He was called Bernard

I've now just boiled some eggs in said pan.

!

 

[floppet]

Btw @Floppet UFO update

that light as bright as Venus might be.. Venus

it just moved faster than I thought. But I suppose it was about the same as the moon now I think about it

The fact that you mentioned Venus in the original post meant that I assumed you could already see Venus as well as the UFO and that's how you were comparing size against it. Diddy you knob!

 

[floppet]

In other news whenever it was time for a goldfish to shuffle off this mortal coil I just flushed them down the toilet as that's the quickest way to fishy heaven. Only one ever came back after the flush and luckily I was able to flush it again successfully before the spawn saw it.