Moopyvision 2010-2019 Round 2: Estonia, Italy & North Macedonia - RESULTS!

[Dark Carnival]

ENJOY THE SHOWERS

Saving the barebacking sesh for the Jessie J interlude!

 

[Dark Carnival]

He DIED?!

 

[Dark Carnival]

Instant LEGEND !

 

[Dark Carnival]

(Not really)

 

[Penelope]

Astonishingly, Koit Toome appears to HAVE CHILDREN

 

[win_the_game]

WTF at WIN THE GAME GIVING GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY A 1!!

Hated it in 2015 and hate it now. There was far better pickings at ESC that year.

And interestingly the top 4 were actually my bottom 4.

 

[Penelope]

Rusinka is like Ledina Celo - Tomorrow I'll Go (Albania 2005) to the power of TEN in the 'misleadingly hot intro' stakes

 

[Penelope]

Hated it in 2015 and hate it now. There was far better pickings at ESC that year.

2015 was DRECK!

And SO WAS HALF OF ESTONIA THIS DECADE!

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Now the one you've all been waiting for...

North Macedonia

10th: Vlatko Ilievski - Russinka (16pts)

There are two things worth saying about this entry.

1) It has perhaps the most crushingly misleading first 15 seconds in Eurovision history, after which it goes from drunk Balkan banger to 2.30secs of literally nothing.]

2) Vlatko died last year at the age of 33. I'm not saying he deserved it, but I'm not not saying that either.

Highest score: 4 (Dark Carnival)
11 x 0 (VoR, Pingu, Win The Game, Suomi, Buttertart, Tetris Rock, Ill Advised, Superstylin, Jacques, Kevin, Penelope, Raining On Me)

"cause of death not revealed".

He probably knew this was coming.

 

[VoR]

9th. Gjoko Taneski, Billy Zver & Pejčin (30pts)

Comparably not-terrible, although still obviously fairly terrible. You know you're in Macedonia when a leather-clad prostitute is being choked by the lead singer within the first 30 seconds.

Highest Mark: 5 (Suomi)
2 x 0 (Dark Carnival, Win The Game)

 

[Dark Carnival]

Hated it in 2015 and hate it now. There was far better pickings at ESC that year.

And interestingly the top 4 were actually my bottom 4.

Time to question your taste level hun?

 

[Penelope]

Gjoko Taneski appears to both be openly gay and openly FUN 4 ZU-KLARA

 

[Suomi]

You know you're in Macedonia when a leather-clad prostitute is being choked by the lead singer within the first 30 seconds.
Highest Mark: 5 (Suomi)

This juxtaposition

 

[VoR]

8th. Daniel Kajmakoski - Autumn Leaves (50pts)

Actually QUITE NICE on record, but hoo boy did they screw this up on the night. Hiring BLACKSTREET to do BVs must rank among the more bewildering Eurovision gimmicks of, well, ever, and while we all obviously love a bit of No Diggity, their distracting harmonies add nothing good to this very messy mix. Daniel was having an off-night vocally too it seems, and the choreography was a flat no.

Highest Mark: 8 (Kevin)
3x 0pts (Kevin7, Kalabaliken, Sewerynsven)

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Why don't I recall Blackstreet appearing?

Celebrity appearances are almost ALWAYS SHIT.

 

[Penelope]

Now Daniel would unreservedly still absolutely get it, even if he was dressed up like Rick Astley LOST IN THE BRONX on the night

 

[AGinAg (37)]

Penelope is very thirsty for ANY Eurovision dick this evening.

How is Engelbert Humperdinck looking?

 

[Penelope]

Penelope is very thirsty for ANY Eurovision dick this evening.

That's rehab for you

How is Engelbert Humperdinck looking?

MEATY

 

[Raining on Me]

I think I need (more) vodka to process Verona's dominance.

Although listening to it in "regular form" and it really is a complete universe of force. BUT not as much as Goodbye to Yesterday by any sane mortal's stretch

 

[VoR]

7th. Kaliopi - Dona (71pts)

Second time was sadly not the charm for Macedonia's endearingly batshit diva du jour, who was narrowly denied a place in the final with this decidedly old school ballad, which many interpreted as an ode to Britain's ever-popular post pub Kebab meat.

For me, it's all about her ridiculous tits and the dog whistle note she quite clearly only decided to go for at the last second.

2 x 10pts (Buttertart, sewerynsven)
3 x 1pts (Raining On Me, Kevin, Win The Game)

 

[Zu]

I think I need (more) vodka to process Verona's dominance.

Although listening to it in "regular form" and it really is a complete universe of force. BUT not as much as Goodbye to Yesterday by any sane mortal's stretch

 

[Raining on Me]

Lovely Laura or whatever you're called but it's an uninspiring win and the other Estonian bird (if she was/is Estonian) nailed it more convincingly.

 

[VoR]

6th. Esma & Lozano - Pred da se razdeni (89pts)

Honestly Moopy, what the fuck is going on that you voted this HOT SHIT so low?

There's so much to enjoy here, from the fact that it literally sounds like three entirely different songs playing over the top of each other, to the UTTERLY FOUL looking backing vocalists to what is almost certainly the greatest stage entrance of Eurovision history - when Esma emerges like a pot-bellied VISION in VELVETEEN and warbling like Yoko Ono on acid.

Truly, this was a train wreck for the ages. I will leave you with the genuinely ace original song they were supposed to send, but everybody hated it because it was a shameless front for a money laundering scheme, or something equally bizarre.



1 x 12pts (Win The Game )
1 x 0pts (David 5000)

 

[Raining on Me]

(Not Tanja from Wimpy obviously, bless her twinkle toes)

 

[Zu]

Lovely Laura or whatever you're called but it's an uninspiring win and the other Estonian bird (if she was/is Estonian) nailed it more convincingly.

But did she have the much-loved gifs? NO SHE MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!

 

[ButterTart]

Celebrity appearances are almost ALWAYS SHIT.

Dita Von Teese desperately struggling to coax an erection out of the bewilderingly homosexual German thrusting his hips at her was both a high and low point of 2009.

 

[VoR]

5th: Tamara Todevska - Proud (104pts)

After almost a decade of mortifying failure, the newly renamed North Macedonia finally caught a break last year, with this Jury winning ballad for the #MeToo era.

Clearly less beloved on Moopy, but a fabulously controlled vocal performance and a theme that was always going to resonate in 2019 took them to 7th place overall. Tamara seems a lovely sort, and she's clearly embraced the experience to the extent that she was honking out the hits at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern just this past weekend. G'wan girl!

4 x 10pts (VoR, David 5000, Alla, Pingu)
1 x 1pt (Dark Carnival)

 

[Penelope]

Pred da se razdeni was FAR AND AWAY my shock of the round, but in retrospect I don't know how anything that obviously caused as much of a BALKAN TAFFETA FAMINE as Esma's getup did could have NOT done well with me really

Still, GOD knows it's fun Weirdly modern production as well - one of the first moments of the decade (along with Montenegro that year, oddly enough) that actually FELT like a track from the 2010s. Should've gone with Imperija anyway though. R.I.P. ESMA/DINLO

 

[win_the_game]

Pred da se razdeni was truly one of the greatest perfs of life.

 

[Penelope]

5th: Tamara Todevska - Proud (104pts)

4 x 10pts (VoR, David 5000, Alla, Pingu)

TENS, TENS, TENS ACROSS THE VoR

 

[AGinAg (37)]

5th: Tamara Todevska - Proud (104pts)

After almost a decade of mortifying failure, the newly renamed North Macedonia finally caught a break last year, with this Jury winning ballad for the #MeToo era.

Clearly less beloved on Moopy, but a fabulously controlled vocal performance and a theme that was always going to resonate in 2019 took them to 7th place overall. Tamara seems a lovely sort, and she's clearly embraced the experience to the extent that she was honking out the hits at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern just this past weekend. G'wan girl!

4 x 10pts (VoR, David 5000, Alla, Pingu)
1 x 1pt (Dark Carnival)

I JUST DONT GET IT

 

[Penelope]

On the requisite HOW DO THEY LOOK NOW watch, you could really do much worse than Lozano I have to say

 

[Zu]

I’m pleased to see that the discerning and almost certainly my favourite poster ever @Dark Carnival gave Tamara a MEASLY ONE

 

[win_the_game]

Lozano would probably still GET IT, even if he does resemble a mole.

 

[ButterTart]

Proud stands shoulder-to-shoulder with Colour of Your Life as one of the most baffling success stories of recent years.

 

[Kevin]

5th: Tamara Todevska - Proud (104pts)

After almost a decade of mortifying failure, the newly renamed North Macedonia finally caught a break last year, with this Jury winning ballad for the #MeToo era.

Clearly less beloved on Moopy, but a fabulously controlled vocal performance and a theme that was always going to resonate in 2019 took them to 7th place overall. Tamara seems a lovely sort, and she's clearly embraced the experience to the extent that she was honking out the hits at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern just this past weekend. G'wan girl!

4 x 10pts (VoR, David 5000, Alla, Pingu)
1 x 1pt (Dark Carnival)

I much prefer Let Me Love You but I’m obviously happy we had that jury rule in 08.

 

[Penelope]

Proud stands shoulder-to-shoulder with Colour of Your Life as one of the most baffling success stories of recent years.

Color of Your Life was FABULOUS

Proud certainly WASN'T though (and has more than a whiff of jury stitch-up for "a feelgood story for the new North Macedonia " about it). Tamara was a good sport anyway though (and probably deserved it after they did her in in 2008)

 

[Raining on Me]

I mean you can't help but be pleased for North (Former of something) Macedonia but, while it's a totally on-point, admirable vocal, it's still a bit shit. But they 100% needed that

 

[VoR]

4th: Tijana - To The Sky (108pts)

She may not have got much love in Copenhagen, but Tamara's older sister narrowly pips her in the all-important Moopy race.

Once again, what we have here is a very good song killed by Godawful staging choices. The camera bizarrely seems like it's desperate to focus anywhere BUT on Tijana herself, the dancer is a creepy distraction who half the time looks like he's feeling her up before our very eyes, and that pantsuit was too cheap and ill-fitting to even qualify for Lesbian appeal.

All that said, I do hope she comes back again someday. She deserved better than this.

Highest Mark: 10pts (Dark Carnival)
Lowest Mark 3pts (Kevin)

 

[Zu]

Proud stands shoulder-to-shoulder with Colour of Your Life as one of the most baffling success stories of recent years.

At least with the latter you could point the finger at some very naughty Poles pissed off their pierogi on Żywiec and doing the merengue OR POLISH EQUIVALENT but as far as I’m aware, there isn’t much of a FYROM DIASPORA. Sometimes one can only blame CLOTH EARS and PITY VOTES