DAPHNE AND CELESTE defect to the ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN

Ayatollah not in hiding, attending rehab. "I need to love myself right now"

He has released a notes app apology.

"Iran's message has always been — and remains — one of love, inclusion and hope."

Daphne and Celeste have rebuked the apology.
 
NAR: Daphne has APPLIED FOR ASYLUM in Lesbainia citing "TWINGE IN MINGE", for which the Iranian authorities FAILED to provide any treatment
 
Prince Philip otherwise engaged with baffled goose
 
Turkey to be ANNEXED as WEST IRAN to house the new DAPHNE & CELESTE MEMORIAL THEME PARK AND GOOSE SANCTUARY
 
West Iran carry out their first state execution as Mr Motivator convicted of GOOSING people in the GOOSE SANCTUARY
 
Ayatollah to appear on the DELUXE version of Barbra Streisand's new DUETS album with a cover of SINGLE LADIES
 
Brave Ayatollah reflects on regime: "Democracy? I don't know her."
 
Triumphant Ayatollah unveils reforms: "Oppression, but make it couture."
 
Furious Ayatollah blasts critics: "Still ruling, still stunning!"
 
A woman named Susan has been shot for insubordination

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Ru Paul’s Drag Race Iran deemed flop after drag queen Aja Tolar ruveals greased poo chute during My Name Is Not Susan lip sync
 
Loose Women to air segment “How To Properly Prepare Poop Chute Grease For Easter”
 
The Daphne & Celeste Memorial Theme Park and Goose Sanctuary opens new grease poop chute themed log flume ride
 
Baffled goose greasy poo chute deemed the location for a new ring road on the Isle of Wight.
 
Rachey’s hideously decorated and therefore unsellablle lesbian hideaway bought in compulsory purchase order to make way for poo chute ring road.

Our Mand fuming. Seven dead.
 

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